and believe me, my kids would sooner ask me than Daddy, just because I’m there all the time. He doesn’t work at home, after all.

Just think about the roles mothers and fathers traditionally take. The core of the problem is adjusting your situation to the fact that you both work.

You have this expectation of yourself that you should be working, but also the traditional expectations of keeping up your home and being there for the kids. Your husband has the traditional role of being the breadwinner, and less responsibility for the rest, although more than fathers used to do.

I’ve always felt these things should be divided in part by how much you are working to support your family, not by income. This gets challenging if your hours are being cut due to taking on too many other duties, so you have to speak up about the hours you would like to be able to work.

Try working out something of a schedule for each of you. Get strict with your DD about listening to you during your working hours. It’s hard, and something I struggle with too, but if you want to get things done and her Daddy is there and not working, she needs to learn to cooperate with you both.

There’s also something to ability and preference for these things, of course. My husband does more yard work because he prefers it. I can do it, but it’s more tedious to me.

It also helps to let him do housework as much as possible in his own way. The way my husband loads the dishwasher drives me nuts! But I’ve learned to not speak up unless he has done something that will keep the upper spin arm from rotating. The job is getting done, and that’s what counts.

My husband does work at home as well, but is taken more seriously. When he tells DD not to disturb him, she listens! How come he expects me to do all the house work as well and manage our daughter while I’m trying to work just the same?
Yes, he does earn more than me. But that is probably only because he actually gets to work…

What I don’t know is what you’ve tried already. How much has the issue been discussed? Do you flat out ask him to help out?

I have to do that most times with my husband. Once in a while he starts cleaning on his own, but it’s more common that I have to ask him, and even then what he considers done is not what I consider done.