On the Newsday site, there’s an article about parents and how much they bribe their kids these days. The feeling is that it happens more now than in the past.

I don’t doubt that there are plenty of parents who overdo the rewards and bribes. We all see plenty of kids who manage to whine their way into treats at the grocery store, throw tantrums of not getting even the little things they want and generally act entitled. I won’t deny there’s a problem in many cases.

So what is the right way to handle it?

I don’t think parents can get by with never giving a reward. That’s probably obvious. The trick iskeeping them reasonable, both in how often you give rewards and in the kinds of rewards you give.

If your kids only want to do something for a reward, you’re probably rewarding them too often. But if you’re asking something challenging for their age group, a reward is probably reasonable.

Of course, some rewards can be quite basic. One could argue that the chore chart I use for my daughter involves rewards. She certainly wants to earn her magnets each day, although they are not sufficient in themselves to guarantee that she will do all her chores. Something that simple can be good for encouraging children to learn to handle their responsibilities.

Even flat out bribes can have their place, if rarely. If you’re asking something particularly unwelcome, a bribe may be your solution if you absolutely need it. But a bribe is not appropriate for things like good behavior in the grocery store. Stepping outside of the grocery store to calm a screaming child makes more sense than a bribe whenver possible.

It can be challenging to figure out when the simple pride of getting the job done is sufficient. Kids don’t make that easy, especially if they think they can get something more out of you. As a parent, you have to be the one to encourage them and limit the rewards to appropriate times.

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