That’s right, male pattern blindness. It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Don’t get me wrong. My husband’s wonderful. But if something doesn’t particularly interest him, he just won’t see it. On the other hand he’s a wonderful husband and excellent father.

Then there are times like this morning. He decided to go to the grocery store after taking our son to speech therapy. I mentioned he’s a good husband and father, right? He wanted to get a couple things there and I told him we were out of milk.

He couldn’t find the milk I usually get, which has a discount if you buy two gallons. He’s quite certain it wasn’t there, even though I’ve shown him it before, and it’s always in the same place. But hey, he bought milk, so the complaint is minimal.

He also decided to clean the kitchen today. Well, more precisely he loaded the dishwasher. I don’t think he has wiped down the countertops ever without being asked. Honestly. Not once.

Yes, I know it can be impressive that he sees the dishes in the sink, since some don’t even do that much. My tactic is simple. I let them pile up. Eventually he will want to use the sink, realize he can’t, and voila! I have a dishwasher being loaded by my husband.

I try not to let things get that bad too often. It’s not a situation I like. Good thing I know how to ask him to help out too.

I think he does better than average in some areas. He doesn’t too often ask me where something is when it’s right where it belongs, where it always is. But then it’s generally something he wants.

If it doesn’t particularly interest him, on comes the blindness! It ensures that I do most of the shopping so I know we’ll have enough food (and that it’s healthy!) and handle most of the cleaning unless I ask otherwise or company’s coming. Dirt and clutter are all but invisible any other time.

We’re fortunate in that I’ve always been good at finding things. It probably helps that I look behind and under stuff as necessary. If neither of us can find it, well, it’s time to blame the house gnomes.

As of yet, there is no cure for male pattern blindness, but any researchers out there would have the encouragement of millions of wives.

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It’s a great book, especially if you’ve had a troubled relationship with your mother-in-law. You’ll learn how to cope so that you can have a better relationship with her, making your life and your husband’s life more pleasant.

One of the challenges of being parents is getting out of the house without the kids for a date. It just doesn’t happen as often as many parents would like. Even once a month can be a challenge.

And of course it gets worse when you don’t want to spend a lot of money. Babysitters cost a lot of money, and it can seem like it’s just flat out too expensive to go out without the kids.

It doesn’t have to be.

Step 1: Get Someone To Watch the Kids

The first challenge is finding someone to watch the kids for you. As I said above, babysitters are expensive. But they are not the only option.

If you have family in the area, they may be an obvious choice for watching the kids. That’s how my husband and I get out most times, in fact. His parents are retired and very interested in spending time with their grandchildren. And if they’re busy, my mother is local too.

But if you don’t have family it’s time to start looking to friends. Talk with the parents of your kids’ friends, and see who would like to do a trade. They help you and you help them. That way you all can get out for an evening. You may even be able to make it a semi-regular thing.

Step 2: Figure Out What To Do

Dates don’t have to cost a lot of money to be memorable or romantic. It’s less what you spend than what you do.

1. Relive an old date.
   When you’ve been married a while it can be fun to go back to do something you haven’t done since you were dating. Many couples have all kinds of fun memories from when they were dating that didn’t cost all that much to do.
2. Go on a picnic.
   There are plenty of wonderful places in most cities for a picnic. It could be a beach, a particularly lovely park, or even somewhere you have to hike a while to reach. Pack some favorite foods from home that you can eat cold.
3. Go hiking.
   Hiking is a wonderfully cheap way to get out and do something together during the day. You can find a fairly local hike or even drive an hour or two to get to someplace a little more special.
4. Go to a street fair.
   Check your local newspaper for local street or craft fairs and wander around. This one can add up pretty fast if you get too much into shopping or trying the food, but it’s a lot of fun and some are free to enter.
5. Stargazing.
   Just head out away from city lights (mountains are ideal if they’re in your area), and enjoy the view. This is particularly fun if there’s a meteor shower going on. The fewer lights in the area, the better, and unless you’re wanting to focus on the moon, stargazing when the moon is in a crescent phase or won’t have risen yet will give you the best view.
6. Visit a museum.
   Most museums don’t cost too much and can be very interesting to visit. Pick one that will interest you both.
7. Cook a special dinner or dessert at home together.
   Once the kids are out of the way you can make something special just for the two of you. This idea has the advantage of being something you can do after the kids are in bed if you just can’t find any other way to spend quiet time together without them. Plan a special dinner or even a particularly decadent dessert and make it together.

Step 3: Finish It Off Right

Going out is fun, but there’s no reason to cut the romance off just because you’re home again. Take some time and enjoy each other more. Trade massages. Talk. Touch. Do what comes naturally.

Technorati Tags: date night, parents, night out, babysitting trade

Housework is one of those things that can become a sore point in a marriage, especially when one parent stays at home. One guess who probably gets stuck doing much of the housework, even if the at home parent works at home.

Yes, my home is pretty typical.

My husband has improved somewhat through the years. Still not where I would like him to be, but getting there. If I want the dishes done, all I have to do is let them pile up in the sink for at least 24 hours. Then I have about a 50/50 chance that he will finally do them. Easy, no?

Yeah, right. We all know how hard it is to look at a sinkful of dirty dishes.

Seriously, if I really want my husband to help around the house, all I have to do is ask. It may take him a half hour to an hour to get started because he’s deep in a computer game and doesn’t want to hit pause, but it does get done. And yes, the wait does drive me nuts, although I cope better with it now that I recognize that he generally does take the action I asked for. Read the rest of this entry »

It can be hard feeling romantic after spending all day with the kids. You’re often worn out by the time your husband gets home, and there are probably still the dinner dishes to be done and the kids to get ready for bed. It’s often no wonder romance falls by the wayside.

But if you work at it you can restore the romantic aspects of your relationship.

If sheer exhaustion is a part of the problem, make sure your husband understands that. And then tell him if you need more help when he’s at home. His job has definite hours. Yours does too, if you consider 24/7/365 definite. Make sure these things are well balanced.

That doesn’t mean hand your husband a long list of chores the minute he walks in the door, of course. But things like doing the dishes together and putting the kids to bed together are quite reasonable to ask. Read the rest of this entry »