We parents all know how draining a child’s birthday party can be. So many kids running around. But I was really surprised at how well my daughter’s 6th birthday party went yesterday.

We did things a little different this time. We didn’t have the party on a weekend day. We held it instead on Friday afternoon, after school. I think this is a part of why things went so well. The kids were already a little tired from their school day.

We got permission to take 3 of the kids home with us, since their parents weren’t available to do so. Our house is a short walk from the school, so herding that menagerie along wasn’t too bad. After all, they all wanted to get to that party, fast!

My daughter was told to think about who she wanted to invite, because we didn’t want to be doing that with half the class, of course. Only so many kids I’m willing to take that kind of responsibility for at one time. So that helped to keep the numbers down. We invited 7, and 6 were able to come. Not bad, considering that the only decline was because she had a brother with the same birthday.

The kindergarten has a short day on Fridays, so we told parents that it was right after class, or noon, whichever was easiest on them. Gave us some time to get a bit organized before the rest of the kids showed.

We served the kids a light lunch with taquitos, carrots and apple slices. They went off to play. No characters, nothing rented for them to jump on, just kids having fun.

We started opening presents at 1. Then cake, followed by snow cones. The snow cones were a bigger hit than the cake. Makes sense to me. Seems like I always see the kids eating the frosting and very little of the cake. Snow cones are rarely served, so they’re a bigger treat in some ways.

By 2 the kids were outside playing with water balloons. Some finished quickly and came inside to color. By the time parents were coming to pick up their kids, that’s pretty much what they saw. Very calm children mostly coloring and talking.

All in all, I think the kids had a blast. Got a few more interested in coming over to play.

The one catch was needing to keep a couple kids beyond the party hours, as their parents had to work. This was something we planned for, and told the parents flat out that we would do if it meant their kids could come to the party.

This was not a lot of extra work. After the party we allowed them to watch a movie, and they were tired enough that mostly they just did that, with a bit more playing.

It was fun figuring out how to handle all this, from allowing parents to drop presents off early to keeping the kids’ backpacks organized. But it went sufficiently well for us to want to do it again in the future. Despite some of the extra challenges, we like how things went better.

When you’re home with the kids all day, they get to know all your habits, good and bad. Children are very observant and even if you think you’re pretty sneaky about some of your bad habits, they probably know about them.

Sure, you try some of those foods that you really don’t like but want your children to experience. I do that when it’s something my husband likes but I don’t. It can be challenging at times, and some of my food preferences my kids do know about, but I do the best I can.

And while there are ways you can sneak vegetables into your children’s food, better yet is to teach them how to enjoy them. You may find only a few at first that the kids like to eat, but it’s a start. It doesn’t matter if they only want to eat frozen corn or peas, they’re vegetables and a much better part of a snack or meal than many other foods. If you’re dealing with a picky eater you take what you can get and set the example for something better.

Some of what you can do may be very subtle. Things like using olive oil instead of vegetable oil in cooking so that you’re using a healthier kind of oil when you need it. Young children won’t get it. But as they learn to cook it will be something to talk about.

Being healthy is about more than teaching good eating habits, of course. Healthy eating matters quite a bit, but so does exercise and making other good choices.

In our family, formal exercise isn’t really a priority. However, we’re currently taking daily walks. We found some hiking trails just a couple blocks from our house. The kids enjoy them even more than the local playgrounds. We all come home dusty and a bit tired from these hikes, but we’re all getting exercise just as a matter of routine and the kids are learning about nature.

Now if I could just convince my son that they are “ladybugs” and not “potato bugs!”

The idea is to just make physical activity routine. We set the expectation and try to live up to it ourselves. We don’t do everything we expect of the kids; they’re often sent out to play in the back yard while I work on my computer. They learn to spend time away from any electronic entertainment and I get peace and quiet to work.

Your own bad habits can be a bit of a challenge. I can explain away my computer time because it’s necessary to how I earn a living. But actual bad habits can be more problematic.

Think about any parents you know who smoke. It’s much less common than it used to be; I don’t think any of my close mom friends smoke at all. But if you have a bad habit such as smoking or even biting your nails, children do notice and it’s harder to explain why they shouldn’t.

While it may not stop your child from picking up the habit in question, simply admitting that yes, you have a bad habit can be helpful. You’re being honest and it gives you a chance to explain why it’s a bad habit in an age-appropriate way. Sometimes kids will cheerfully try to get you to stop.

No one is a perfect parent, and I wouldn’t suggest trying to be one. But you can work out ways to set the examples you want to, and try to break out of the old routines that aren’t teaching your kids what you really want them to learn.

I first heard about Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv a year or so ago. It promptly went on my wish list, but I never got around to buying it. Now I have the updated version, and I was just amazed by it.

It’s a really good read.

Of course, it may have helped that the author is from my area. One of the people he spoke with in the book grew up along Tecolote Canyon in San Diego, where I grew up. My sisters and I hiked there often.
The topic is also near and dear to my heart: encouraging children to get outside and play. Backyards are a good start, but better is if they can get time out on a hike, in the forest, along a creek and so forth.

Now, I’ve said before I think the back yard is a better “babysitter” than the television ever was. That’s just been my experience. Television teaches children that they don’t need to pay attention for long periods. Playing outside, they focus for much longer periods.

While nothing’s been proven scientifically, Last Child in the Woods notes many cases where parents report their children behave much better after playing in the natural world. Many people think it helps with symptoms of ADHD.

There are also some very good points about how much harder it’s getting to find people who really understand the basics of natural science. It’s not as popular a topic of study as other areas, such as biotech.

What I really appreciated, however, was the last part of the book. It’s called the Field Guide to the Last Child in the Woods, and it has some great suggestions. There are 100 actions you can take to get more in touch with nature, for example, such as starting a garden.

The book is well worth the read. I’m going to try to get my husband to read it too. It’s not his usual style, but given how much he loves hiking and being outdoors, I think he’ll go for it.

“Mom Wars.” You have no idea how much I hate that term. It sounds like we moms have nothing better to do than to fight about who’s doing it right, stay at home or work outside the home moms.

I’ve never felt one was inherently superior to the other. There are advantages to each, and what’s right for your family may not be right for mine. But a lot of people forget that.

I’d like to discuss my own reasons for being a stay at home mom first.

1. I get to be with my kids.

For just about any stay at home mom, this one comes first. It’s fun to be there for everything, even if it gets exhausting at times. I have a son who loves to cling to me and a daughter who is quite independent. Both can drive me nuts and drain me some days, but I get to see it all.

2. I’m able to work from home.

This is an advantage that today’s stay at home moms have over their predecessors. It’s much, much easier to bring in an income from home than it used to be. You aren’t all but limited to daycare or direct sales anymore. Some work regular jobs, but telecommute. Others run online businesses. Others choose more traditional routes to earn money.

The balance is tough, but doable for me. Doesn’t work for everyone, though, and I know it.

So why would a mom choose to work outside the home?

1. The family needs the money.

We can argue all we want about what “needs the money” really means, and never do anything more than judge one another. I’m not going to go there because “needs” is something that can be very personally defined.

2. Mom loves her career.

Why would you leave a career you love? If you aren’t the kind of mom who would enjoy being with her kids all the time, a career provides a sense of balance in your life. Women today generally aren’t raised to expect to be at home all the time. We are raised with the expectation that we can do what we want with our lives and fulfill our own dreams.

Despite the many guilt trips others lay upon us.

And that’s the catch. No matter which road we choose, someone wants to judge us. Stay at home moms are called lazy. If they work from home it’s hard to be taken seriously (although things in that area are slowly improving for many!).

Moms who work outside the home are scolded for allowing someone else to raise their kids. They may be disadvantaged in their careers by the demands of motherhood.

It’s much better to admit that most of us are just trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got. Each decision means a sacrifice of something else, whether it be a change or delay in your career, a decrease in the family’s income or something else.

Sure, it’s sometimes hard to talk to a mom who made a different choice. Your lives can be very different. But odds are you both made the decisions you felt were the right ones. Argue about who’s the better mom and you’re just making life harder for each other.

Every parent knows the kind of night I’m talking about. The kind where your 3 year old just does not want to go to bed for anything. Despite the glaze in their eyes that tell you your child is really most of the way asleep, you keep seeing him or her wandering the house wanting just one more thing.

It goes about like this for me:

Just like any other night, I take my son to the potty, let him do whatever he’s going to do there, put on his diaper and jammies, read him a story, rock him in the darkened room, give hugs and put him to bed.

Too bad it didn’t work.

Five minutes later he’s up again. Thirsty. So he takes a drink and is put back to bed.

A few minutes later he’s up again, needing the potty. He wants to poop, so it takes a while. He requests the ‘Everyone Poops’ book. He listens to it with great zeal, as only a 3 year old can. Who knew that listening could be done so enthusiastically? But of course no progress is made on the potty during the story, yet after he insists he still needs to go.

Fifteen to twenty minutes later, he’s added about 2 drops of liquid to the toilet and is ready to concede that he’s done going potty. Time to brag to Daddy that he went potty!

Back to bed he goes. He complains that I did something and his back needs to be kissed better. I guess it’s better than saying I hurt his toes or somewhere else. I tuck him back in and turn out the light.

He’s up again because he’s sad. He doesn’t know why he’s sad, he just is. And only Mommy is allowed to put him back to bed, despite Daddy’s offer.

Ten minutes later he’s playing with his sister’s door, wanting to get her up too. Thank goodness she’s deep asleep. This time Daddy does put him to bed.

Zombie-like, he’s up again. His eyes barely register my approach. No particular reason to be up this time, so back to bed he goes. Finally, he remains in bed.

It’s been a long night, but at least sleepy children average sweet when they want to stay up so badly. Better than dealing with tantrums, high fevers or vomiting for a reason to stay up half the night. Maybe now I can get to bed.