Home with the Kids Blog » Parenting

Don’t Insult Working Moms

Stephanie — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 15:37:37 +0000

I came across an article the other day in support of working moms. It came about due to a forum thread that said the lack of stay at home moms is what’s wrong with the U.S. No explanation of what exactly is wrong, though. There were plenty of things that bothered me about the whole deal.

1. Why the focus on moms?

This is one of the things that drives me up the wall. Why blame only moms for putting their kids in daycare and going to work? Why not the dads? I have two very competent stay at home dads in my family. Don’t tell me it can’t be done.

Sure, it’s more common and more traditional for moms to be more involved in child care. Unless you’re talking about pregnancy or breastfeeding, it doesn’t really have to be that way. Dads can do plenty, and they usually enjoy it.

2. Daycare is a perfectly acceptable option.

I may be an at home mom myself, but I have absolutely no problem with putting kids in daycare if that’s what the family needs.

My mother raised four of us on her own, so I speak from personal experience when I say daycare doesn’t have to be all that bad. It is not having someone else raise your child. They’re helping, yes, but so are the schools. Believe me, my parents still had plenty of influence on my choices throughout life, even my dad who I didn’t always see that much of as he didn’t always live nearby or even in the same state.

That said, I know daycare gets expensive fast. You do have to look at whether having both parents work makes sense in the face of daycare costs. Sometimes having a parent stay at home makes more financial sense. Still, that doesn’t mean working moms are in the wrong.

3. Not all stay at home moms are good at it.

It’s like anything else. Some stay at home moms are wonderful, attentive, caring, hard working mothers. Others aren’t. There are plenty of times when it’s better for the kids for both parents to work and have them go to daycare.

I don’t think you’re bad at being a stay at home mom if you aren’t up to June Cleaver’s level or anything. If staying at home is more of a miserable thing for you because you’d rather have a career, get out and get one. You won’t be called a bad parent by me for it.

4. Staying at home can be stressful.

Many people view being a stay at home mom as this wonderful, unstressed lifestyle. Somehow even the financial troubles just aren’t that big a problem for them. They make it work and life is good.

That’s not true for everyone. If you go to one income and can’t pay all the bills for little things you need such as rent, food and electricity, that’s stressful. Dealing with children can be stressful. Really and truly, the life of a stay at home mom isn’t all television and bonbons.

Is it less stressful for some than for others? Absolutely! That doesn’t mean it’s stress free for every stay at home parent. Financial challenges and other problems cause plenty of stress for others.

5. No acknowledgement of the real financial struggles many families face.

The people saying moms should just cope with the cutting back financially and stay at home have no concept of how much many families struggle. It’s not always a choice between a bigger house or a smaller house, or a newer or older car. It’s getting by, period.

Yes, some families are fortunate enough to have circumstances where they can get by on a minimal income and have one parent home. That’s the exception. We can’t all find extremely low rent, have family provide a home, inherit one, or otherwise get off cheap on housing costs. Some places are more expensive to live, and if that’s where your work is, it’s really not so simple as packing up to move someplace cheaper.

Then there’s food costs. Frankly, if the only way you can have one parent stay at home is to go on food stamps or other assistance, you need to look at increasing your income. That can be by working at home, I don’t mind that (obviously). I just don’t think you should use assistance to support a lifestyle choice, no matter how much you love your kids more than money. Use public assistance to keep going when you must, no problem there, but not as a lifestyle when you have other ways to get by.

6. An old car isn’t always a good solution.

Some people in the forum posts mentioned having an old car as one way to cut down on costs. That’s great when it works, no car payments, but sometimes the repairs run more than a car payment would. What do you do then? Unless you live in an area with good public transportation or close enough to work to walk or bike, a car can be a necessity.

Older cars are going to hit that point where you have to repair them more often eventually, and although they can be quite cheap to own for a time, repair costs can be more than payments on a newer car. What are families supposed to do then? A single income family can’t always save up a few thousand for a newer used car.

7. Stop with the “Only have as many children as you can afford” thing.

This one always annoys me. Certainly, there comes a point where people know they’re having more children than they can afford, but that’s not always what happened at the time the child was conceived or was born. Circumstances change. Jobs are lost, businesses close, incomes decrease. You can’t ever be certain that you can “afford” your children the entire 18 years you’ll be raising them, never mind whether or not you’ll be able to help with college.

Yes, I do agree that parents should think if their current circumstances will allow them to afford a child. It’s not my place to tell them what their final decision should be, however. If my husband and I had waited until we knew on paper that we could afford children, we wouldn’t have started when we did. We made it work anyhow, and while it’s been a struggle, we haven’t had to go on any sort of public assistance, and are finally making progress on the credit card debts.

8. Working moms spend plenty of time with their kids.

It has been shown that working moms spend more time with their kids now than stay at home moms did back in 1965. Dads are more involved too. Sure, stay at home moms spend still more time, but it’s not likely that the average kid is lacking for time with his or her parents due to being sent to daycare.

9. Women benefit from working.

I love the work I do at home. I don’t believe I would cope at all well as a stay at home mom if I didn’t have my business. It gives me something to think about beyond my home and children. That’s a good thing.

There’s also the money moms lose from not working. I don’t just mean in the moment. I mean saving for retirement as well as building a solid base for her career, missing out on promotions and so forth. It’s a long term income loss that can be hard on parents long after their children are grown.

That’s a big part of why I’m such a fan of working from home. Maybe you don’t need to earn the equivalent of a full time job, but at least you can keep some money coming in and some job skills current. Life’s uncertain, and that’s one way I cope.

I have a lawyer friend who tells me that most stay at home moms he knows don’t really understand what they’re losing out on by not working. He’s dealt with them on Social Security issues, and it basically comes down to if you don’t contribute, you don’t get anything. Sometimes that’s a huge problem.

10. The United States isn’t easy on families.

If you take a look at work policies around the Western world, the U.S. doesn’t look remotely family friendly. There’s a lack of parental leave available, childcare standards aren’t as good as other countries, education isn’t as good, the list goes on. I’d call that a bigger problem than whether or not mothers stay home with their kids.

11. It’s possible that working parents are better for kids.

Now, all kinds of conclusions can be drawn from studies, nonetheless it is possible that working mothers really aren’t bad for their kids.

12. Women have often worked outside the home throughout history.

Women working outside the home is nothing new, and they didn’t just do so before marriage or motherhood.

13. I absolutely support at home parents.

Despite everything on this rant, I absolutely support at home parents, whether it’s the mother or the father. I wouldn’t run this site if I didn’t. It just makes me mad when people glance at working moms and declare them to be awful parents. They aren’t.

There’s nothing wrong with raising kids in the tight financial situation that often results from being a single income family. I suspect there’s some good in it, as kids then learn that they don’t get everything they want all the time.

14. Parents supporting their kids is the most important thing.

What matters most in the long run is that parents support their kids. I don’t just mean financially. I mean educationally, emotionally and so forth. You’re a parent and you’re probably doing the best you can for your kids. That doesn’t mean you can’t do your best for yourself too. If your kids are loved and know it, there’s a good chance they’ll be fine whether you’re at home or working.

When Can You Let Your Kids Stay Home Alone?

Stephanie — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 14:58:11 +0000

One of the big events for most kids as they grow up is when they’re first allowed to stay home alone. It’s a mark of maturity and parental trust. The hard part for the parents is deciding when it’s appropriate and for how long.

State Law

The laws on when kids can stay home alone vary from state to state, but most states decline to give an actual age requirement. Many do give recommended ages, which can range from age 8 to 14. Considering that most places kids can start babysitting at age 12, I consider older than that to be overly strict on the state’s part, but that’s what you have to consider when you’re making this decision.

A part of the rules effective in your state will depend on how safe the situation is. Being home alone for a while during the day is very different from being home alone all night.

If you aren’t sure about the guidelines or laws in your state, your local CPS agency can tell you about the the rules they recommend following.

Maturity of Your Child

The simple truth of the matter is that some kids are ready to be left home alone sooner than others. You know your children best and know when they’re ready to be left home alone for short periods and when it’s okay to increase how long you’ll be gone.

You should be confident that your child won’t break any of the rules you set for when you’re gone, such as having friends over, answering the door and so forth. They should also be prepared to deal with minor problems and know what to do in case of an emergency. They should know how to reach you at need. Cell phones are wonderful in this regard, as it makes it much easier for a child to reach a parent who is out and about.

Siblings

A child with older siblings able to watch him or her can stay home without a parent younger than one without older siblings present. A child needing to watch younger siblings will need to be older before being allowed to watch them without parents home. Taking care of yourself and siblings is a much bigger deal than just taking care of yourself.

How Long?

How long are you going to leave your kids alone matters too. You can trust kids while you run a quick errand younger than you might trust them to be alone for a few hours.

They’ll also need to be a bit older if food preparation is required. Snacks may not be so difficult to deal with once rules are agreed upon, but if a meal needs to be prepared, even if just in the microwave, there’s more responsibility required of your child.

What Options Do You Have?

Sometimes you aren’t entirely happy about leaving your child home alone, but you don’t have other options. If your child isn’t ready to be home alone, you will need to find a way to deal with that. You may need to talk to a family member, friend or neighbor about helping you out, or hire a babysitter. Sometimes you can arrange a play date with one of your child’s friends when you need to get out without your child. If leaving your child alone isn’t the right choice, you’re going to have to pick an alternative and make it work.

When it comes right down to it, guidelines or no guidelines, and even state law, you know best when your child is ready to be left home alone and for how long. If you don’t feel your child is ready when the law or guidelines say they can do it, you don’t have to push the matter.

A Reminder About Water Safety

Stephanie — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 14:32:08 +0000

It’s just about summer, kids are starting to get out of school, and lots of people are looking to cool off in the water, whether it’s in their own pool, a community pool, lake, the ocean, or whatever.

I’d just like to take a moment to remind everyone to keep things safe for your family in and around the water. We had a minor scare ourselves this weekend, and the only reason it was minor is because I was paying attention when my youngest fell into my inlaws pool. Still really scary, even though I had her out of the water almost as fast as she fell into it.

Our situation was kind of classic. I was following her as she kicked a ball around the pool. Not right along the edge, but the yard isn’t so big that she could kick the ball well away from it, so I was keeping a sharp eye on the activity. When the ball went straight into the pool on one kick, she ran after it without hesitation and fell in.

My husband, in the shallow end of the pool, did not hear the splash as our daughter fell in. He did hear my scream, and swam over just in case I didn’t get her right away, and was able to help comfort the both of us as I held a rather terrified little girl. She was only under water for a moment because I had been right there watching her.

Still, I think about how easily things could have gone wrong. One of the other kids could have distracted me at the wrong moment, completely innocently. I had scolded my oldest for splashing water at me just minutes before, in fact, telling her I was not to be distracted from watching her younger sister.

Some ways, I think my youngest will benefit from this accident, only because it turned out so well. She has always been too bold around the pool, and is now much more cautious, and at least right after the accident didn’t want to walk anywhere near it without an escort. Much better than her usual playfulness in the area. She’s only two, after all, and more adventurous than my other two were. I’ve long said she needs more watching than my older two kids, and now I have more family members agreeing with me.

Keep Your Family Safe Around the Pool or Other Bodies of Water

PoolSafety.gov says that about 350 kids die from submersion accidents each year. This varies, and recent averages have been about 383 kids. That’s awful, and so many drownings and other submersion accidents can be avoided if an adult is paying attention.

The usual advice is to have an adult watching the kids in the pool at all times, and that’s an excellent idea. I would add that having one adult paying attention to each younger swimmer or child to young to swim well probably wouldn’t hurt either. I can watch all three of my kids swimming, and the older two are reasonably competent, but watching the older two while dealing with my youngest is much more difficult than I like for safety reasons.

We’re also looking at pool alarm options for my inlaws. We’ve suggested this solution to them before, but nothing has ever come of it. Wouldn’t have helped in this case anyhow, since people were in the pool, but you have to think of other times, since the pool is always there.

PoolSafety.gov has some other simple pool safety measures you should consider if you have a pool in your yard. It’s vital that kids who live in a home with a pool learn to swim, for example. I enroll my kids at least once every summer in swimming lessons as soon as they’re old enough. It’s not a guarantee that they won’t drown, but since they have both friends and grandparents who have backyard pools, it’s a basic safety measure I consider very much worth adding to my summer budget.

I feel so fortunate that our accident was so minor. My daughter was scared, not hurt, and for that I am extremely grateful.

How to Prepare for Summer as a Work at Home Mom

Stephanie — Thu, 26 May 2011 15:13:51 +0000

Summer break is really getting close for schoolchildren. It starts June 2 for my son, June 14 for my daughter. That means all too soon the kids will have many extra hours in which to express their boredom. As all work at home moms know, it pays to be prepared for summertime so you can still get some decent work hours in.

Not all of my ideas are about making things fun for the kids. Fun is good, and children need plenty of it, but you have to expect them to help around the house too. They don’t have school over the summer, and that means they have more time to help you, like it or not. And so…

1. Add new chores to the kids’ to do lists.

Children are quite capable of helping around the house, and they should do it often. How many people have stories about the college freshman they knew who had never done his or her own laundry and was at a complete loss, or the friend who didn’t know how to cook even the most basic of foods?

This summer is when my oldest is going to get more involved in helping with meal preparation. She can already make a few basic foods such as scrambled eggs; now it’s time for her to learn more and to get more comfortable with the whole process.

Think about what your kids are capable of cleaning, even if they won’t immediately do it to your standards. Dusting, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, laundry, all that fun stuff. Surely some of it can be made at least partially a chore for the kids.

2. Keep their school skills fresh.

One big problem with such a long summer break is that children forget what they learned in school. Then their teachers have to go over all over it again at the start of the new school year.

There are plenty of websites which can help you help them retain the things they learned at school. You can find printable math worksheets and more online. The Khan Academy has only a little suitable for elementary school aged kids, but it gets better as they get more advanced.

You can also make up your own assignments for them. I prefer to keep summer work within the interests of each child when I can. My oldest, for example, loves fairies and is intensely creative, and so her writing practice will be to write about fairies, and typing practice will be to type up what she has written onto her own website. She wants to have a business like mine, so this is a way to help her get started.

I don’t suggest hours of schoolwork a day or even necessarily doing schoolwork every day. Even a half hour once or twice a week may be plenty, depending on the skills you’re working with.

3. Summer camps and classes.

You don’t have to do all the educational stuff on your own, and it doesn’t all have to be educational anyhow. Look into summer camps and classes for your kids that fit into your budget and their interests. I insist on swimming lessons for my kids each year, for example, because they have regular access to a pool at a friend’s house and at their grandparents’ house.

4. Go to the park.

Getting out to the park regularly gets the kids away from the electronic forms of entertainment, and if you have one young enough to nap yet, encourages naptime later on. If your kids are old enough to only be lightly watched as they play, you may even be able to bring your laptop and work while they play.

I suggest going either early in the day or in the evenings after dinner, as those are the cooler times of day. You’ll also have to worry less about sunburn.

5. Trade time with other at home parents.

You usually can’t just send your kids over to play with a friend and not have to reciprocate. That’s okay, as the right friends will keep your kids out of your hair almost as much when they’re playing at your house as when they’re elsewhere. Most parents really appreciate getting the time for a break.

6. Get a mother’s helper.

I loved it when I had a mother’s helper when my oldest was a baby. It made life much easier. My helper was too young to be a babysitter, but quite aware of how her older sisters made money with babysitting. Of course she cost less to hire, as I was right there, able to change diapers and so forth. She just had to keep the baby entertained.

If you have a toddler and an older child, you can also pay the older child to have more specific duties toward the younger, beyond what you expect simply for the fact that you’re all family. It’s a good way to teach them responsibility and the value of earning money.

7. Go to the library.

My kids love library days. We’ve been going nuts waiting for the local library to reopen after a remodel, but it’s going to be nice having it open again. New computers, WiFi, new paint and new carpets should make it a pretty nice place to visit this summer. It’s so much cheaper than getting new books for them at the bookstore all the time.

8. Have arts and crafts supplies available.

Just how available you make the arts and crafts supplies be depends on how much you can trust your kids to use them properly. My two year old means that all supplies must be kept out of her reach, but the older two are mostly good about how they use things. Mostly. They’re still kids after all, and sometimes whim takes the place of thinking.

9. Have a dedicated play area.

Just as you are better off working in a dedicated home office space in most cases, kids are often better off in an at least somewhat dedicated play area. It might be their bedrooms, but at least they’re playing someplace where they’re out of your hair. Just be sure to check out that suspicious silence. They’re either up to something or being so cute you’ll need a camera. Maybe both.

How to Cope with Snow Days When You Work at Home

Stephanie — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 16:00:32 +0000

It’s wonderful when the kids reach school age and you’re working at home. Suddenly you have all this time to work on your job or home business. But then winter comes, and sometimes that means you get hit by a snow day.

Unlike regular school holidays and weekends, you don’t always get much warning for a snow day. The weather gives you some hints as to what may happen, but you don’t know until you check in the morning. If snow days are a normal part of your student’s school year, you need to have plans in place so you don’t lose more work time than you’re willing to give up. You might want to play in the snow too, time permitting.

Plan Ahead

Planning ahead for snow day activities will help you to cut down on lost productivity. What can the kids do when they aren’t at school on a day you’d normally be working? How much can you reasonably expect to get done?

Have several activities planned that the kids can do. They probably won’t want to play in the snow all day, although that may take up a part of the day.

Snow days are special to kids, so keep it fun for the most part. You may get some great ideas for things the kids can do when its snowing just by asking them in advance what they would like to do when it has snowed too much for them to go to school.

Remember the television and computer for the kids too. They may be quite content to take it as a day to veg out. Just make it a special day without the usual limits on screen time if you like. An occasional day of too much television probably won’t hurt them.

Get Help

If the snow is bad enough that your spouse is home, enlist some help in caring for the kids. There’s no rule saying you have to do it all just because you’re the one who’s usually home with them. If your spouse has an extra day off because he or she can’t get to work, make sure they understand that you are at your work and need to work, so they get to deal with the kids. Tell the kids the same.

If you have local enough family or friends who would be willing to take the kids for the day, that’s another option. This may not be possible if the snow is severe enough, of course.

You may also want to invite a friend over for your kids. So long as the situation doesn’t cause a lot of arguments, having an extra kid over can actually help. It keeps the kids from asking you for things to do.

Consider Taking the Day Off

If the kids are going to interfere too much with productivity, consider taking the day off. You may be able to make it up over the weekend, or just think of it as a plain old day off. Especially if you’re working for yourself and don’t have any immediate deadlines, there’s no reason to not enjoy the day a bit yourself.

Don’t take it off if it’s going to make things too hard for you later. Sometimes you really need to work. If that’s the case, find a way to make it happen.

This may include taking the daytime off, but staying up and working into the night. For some people that’s the better work option anyhow, but if that’s not your habit it can be a tough choice to make.

Letting Kids Own Their Time

Stephanie — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 14:52:15 +0000

I’m like a lot of parents in that I usually nag my kids to get the things done that they’re supposed to. They’re kids, they dawdle, sometimes to an amazing degree. It’s exhausting and frustrating telling them over and over to get their work done.

Frankly, it’s usually not a great use of my time either.

Now that I’m homeschooling my oldest, having her work without being constantly reminded to keep on task is very important to me. Telling her over and over to get back to work frustrates both of us and makes for a difficult day. I’ve had to learn a new skill. I’ve had to learn to tell her that her time is her own.

This isn’t easy to do. Reminding her to keep going is such a habit and comes so naturally that keeping my mouth shut while she goofs off on an assignment is hard.

When I notice a lot of goofing off now, I tell her that it’s her business if she wants to be stuck at her desk all day. Her time is her own and if that’s all she cares to do, that’s her choice.

Usually she speeds right up. Other times, it turns out that she was procrastinating on a question she needed to ask. Obviously I’m still going to help her with things she doesn’t understand, and she’s learning to come to me more quickly.

It’s working pretty well. We’re getting her school work done in less time and with much less frustration.

This works with chores too, if there’s something to motivate them to keep moving. Chores are a bit more difficult because it’s so easy to play in the same way they would be if there were no chores at all to do. Days that you have something to do after chores are done it’s a bit easier to push the motivation to get things done without asking over and over again.

I’ve always had a preference for natural consequences with kids. In teaching them to manage their own time, I look for times when they’ll miss out on something if they don’t keep on task.

Sometimes it’s being allowed to stay up for a special show on television on a non-school night. Other times it’s an outing or going out to play with friends.

What I really love is that even when they get hit with the consequence, it’s less stressful for me. Maybe my kids don’t whine enough when they miss out on something because they didn’t do something else, but I usually find it much less stressful to let them deal with it. They do know that protests of “it’s not fair!” don’t get too far when it’s their own choices that created the problem.

My work benefits from the kids managing their own time too. I can focus more on the things I really need to get done, whether it’s housework or online work. It’s nice having everyone get things done sooner so we can have more time to do other stuff on our own or as a family.

My Favorite Distractions

Stephanie — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 14:38:37 +0000

Since I posted the other day about being told I work too much, today I thought I would share my favorite distractions, in order of how distracting they are.

Distraction #1

Looks so sweet and innocent, doesn’t she? She’s also great at keeping productivity a long ways away, any time she’s awake and sometimes when she’s supposed to be asleep.

I have to make an effort to keep her away from my desk, or she will rearrange my desktop rather thoroughly. I mean both the top of my physical desk and the desktop of my computer monitor, of course. Keyboard and mouse have to be pushed out of her reach and my chair, well…

That’s the only thing that works, turning the chair on it’s side. I can push it into another room and she will push it back to the computer desk, get on it and start playing.

Distractions 2 & 3

This pair ties because they kind of know when to leave me alone to work… kind of. That and they’re wonderful at playing together for long periods without too many arguments that need to be broken up.

Distraction #4

Yeah, my husband’s a troublemaker, all right. You may not be able to tell, but in the picture that’s a little gopher snake he caught in our backyard recently. He caught it after our oldest spotted it and we needed to be sure that it wasn’t a rattlesnake. After a few pics, we let it go. May it enjoy a long life and catch many gophers and other pests.

So my dear husband has some good points. I don’t mind nonpoisonous snakes, but better him than me in checking to see which is wandering around out there.

Actually, his distractions are usually pretty good too.

Fortunately for all these guys, I know how to let them distract me. It’s frustrating to be distracted at times, but I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for them.

Help, My Kids Won’t Let Me Work!

Stephanie — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:20:50 +0000

Working at home is a highly variable proposition. Some days it’s easy, the kids cooperate and you get a lot done. Other days all they want is you. Not their toys, not each other, not anyone else. You.

When you really need to work, it can be enough to make you want to scream. What does it take to get a little peace and quiet to get your work done?

You could always tell them you’re going to play hide and go seek, and see how long they hide for, but that’s just asking for trouble when they figure out that you’re really trying to work. Although one of my nieces did keep hiding for a long time at a family gathering once, content so long as someone called out a number like they were counting once in a while. It was pretty funny.

But for regular use you’re going to have to come up with routines to minimize the times that they are demanding your attention, and find ways to keep them busy so that you can work.

Get the Kids Out of the House

Getting the kids safely out of the house is a favorite method of mine. The best is when they can go play at a friend’s house. It may be necessary to reciprocate and have the friend over at a later date, but that’s usually not a bad deal, as having friends over can keep your kids almost as willing to leave you alone as having them at the friend’s house.

If no friends are available, having them play in the front or backyard, as safe and appropriate, is a great choice. Your ability to do this depends on the ages of your children and where you live, naturally. Having a sandbox, swingset and other activities available is a big help when sending the kids out to play.

Is This Job Really Necessary This Minute?

Ir you’re stressing about it, possibly it is something you need to handle right away. But if it isn’t, calm down and take care of the kids for a little. Enjoy being a parent.

How Long Do You Need?

If the job won’t take long, or you can afford to take a break soon, set a timer. Short times are necessary with younger children, who certainly won’t understand that the job is going to take you only another hour or so. That’s long for little kids. A timer gives the kids something to look at to know that you will be available soon.

Who Else Can Handle the Kids?

If you aren’t home alone with the kids, who else can help with them? Your spouse? Can one of the older kids be responsible just for a little while?

When you’re working at home, teaching your family to respect your work hours is vital. If they don’t respect when you’re working they’re always going to be distracting you.

This is particularly important for spouses and partners. If they work outside the home, they get a set time where you probably aren’t contacting them much with problems with things going on at home. Ask the same of them and close your home office door.

Haul Out the Laptop

If you have a laptop, make the most of it! Pack it and the kids up and go to the playground, assuming they’re old enough to not need your help on the apparatus. They’ll burn off some energy and have fun while you keep a light eye on them. This only works if your kids are good about how they play. Otherwise, skip the laptop and just head to the playground. It’s amazing what a half hour can do.

You can also use your laptop to work in other rooms of the house. I’ve found this particularly useful with my kids, as I can be there to watch them play or do crafts, and talk to them, but still get a little bit of work done. My laptop has been quite the help in being more productive.

Declare a Quiet Reading Time

This is for kids old enough to read. Tell them they can sit down and read for a time. Don’t stress about which books they read, let them enjoy their favorites.

Get a Sitter

Whether you have a regular daycare provider available or have to call a babysitter, paying for help is sometimes the only way to be productive and fair to your children. Spend the money and try to earn more than it’s costing you.

A mother’s helper is a good option too. They don’t even need to be able to handle all the duties of a babysitter if they’re just good at playing with your kids and letting you know if there’s a real need for your presence.

Talk About Your Work While You Work

Kids love to know how their parents earn money. Show them what you’re doing. If there’s something they can help with, have them help.

Work Nights

It may not be fun to need to work nights, but if that’s what it takes to get things done without distractions, do it! I work more in the evenings after my kids are in bed than I do most days because that’s my quietest time… aside from any distractions my husband can cook up.

Nap times are useful also as long as they last, even if only one child is taking a nap. Declare it quiet play time for all other children or let them play on the computer or watch a show.

Eat as a Family

As much as possible, eat all your meals together. It’s a simple time to be together as a family and talk about what’s going on in everyone’s lives. This gives the kids some of the attention they need at a time you couldn’t work productively anyhow. No TV, no computers, no cell phones, no regular phones, no video games, etc.

Take Breaks

So many people who work at home don’t take enough breaks at all. Just think about how often you’d take a break in an office job.

Getting away from the computer at least once an hour is good for you. It lets your eyes adjust at different distances. It gives your arms, wrists and hands a break. It gives your mind a break. It gets your body moving.

Use your breaks to enjoy being with your kids.

Have Quick, Healthy Snacks Readily Available

My kids know what they’re allowed to have as snacks without having to ask for permission. This is a huge help. Best are chopped up vegetables and fresh fruits, but you can also have crackers and such available. Set up basic rules on snacking, and the “I’m hungry” complaints will be less of a problem.

Lots of Craft Supplies

Encourage your kids to be creative by having supplies ready for them. Better have a special place where they can make a mess, because spilled paints and other messes happen.

Let Them Use the Other Computer

If you have a second computer, let the kids go play. There are tons of great sites out there for children to enjoy. My kids like BellaSara (beware the card collecting habit this may induce!), Nick Jr., Playhouse Disney, Starfall, PBS Kids and Yahoo Kids.

Summer is a Great Time to Teach Kids New Skills

Stephanie — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 15:18:28 +0000

I’m still getting used to summer break around here. It’s not always that simple when you work at home. Suddenly the kids are everywhere, every day.

I’ve given my kids warning, though. Summer also means they’ll be learning new skills, not all of them for fun things.

Chores

In some ways, summer is a great time to add on new chores to the kids’ to-do lists. They have more free time to do chores, and certainly time to pick up new skills relating to them. My oldest will be learning more about how to do laundry, for example.

Fun Skills

Remember the fun skills kids can learn over the summer.

You don’t want to forget the fun skills kids can learn over the summer. Swimming is my usual big one for the kids, and it will continue to be the big one until they’re all excellent swimmers.

My oldest will learn more cooking skills this summer, as she’s tall enough to deal with more things. She’s pretty eager.

We’re also considering sewing skills. Not terribly vital the way most people live these days, but it can be a fun skill anyhow. Just have to see if my hand-me-down sewing machine is in good working condition still.

Find out what your kids want to learn that you can either teach or sign them up for a class to learn. Maybe look at subjects their school isn’t teaching so well.

Money Habits

While you should encourage your kids to have good money saving and spending habits all year, the summer can be a great time to go into more details. Have the ones who are old enough really look at what goes into a household budget. Somewhat younger ones can deal with just a grocery budget.

If you’re going on a family vacation, have the kids make their own budgets for whatever spending money they’re allowed for the trip. These will probably need to be pretty flexible, but help them to understand when they can come back to that treasure that is a “must buy” the instant you get wherever you’re going. It’s not easy keeping kids from spending money too quickly much of the time, but it’s a great lesson.

Another great time to teach kids about budgets is when you do back to school shopping, probably later in the summer. Give them a budget that you can deal with. Let them see how much they can afford to buy on it. This can come as a real shock to those who need the latest and hottest brands and styles, but it can also help them to see where less expensive clothes are a good thing.

Writing to Pen Pals

Kids usually have a few friends they miss over the summer. Maybe a school friend goes away for the summer, or maybe there’s an old friend who used to live nearby but doesn’t anymore. Or maybe there’s someone else your child could write to.

Encouraging your kids to write to a pen pal is a wonderful way to encourage them to keep writing during the summer.

Encouraging your kids to write to a pen pal is a wonderful way to encourage them to keep writing during the summer. You can improve penmanship and writing style this way.

I don’t expect long letters when my daughter writes to friends, and she doesn’t get long letters in return. Letters don’t happen in either direction terribly often. But it’s a lot of fun for them to get letters.

As kids get older, this may switch to emails. You will have to decide if this is acceptable to you or if you want to keep encouraging hand written letters. On the one hand, emails are more quickly delivered, and may encourage more frequent writing. On the other hand, they don’t help with penmanship or the habit of writing traditional letters to people. Your call.

Volunteering

If you can spare the time, take your kids out to volunteer somewhere. Pick a cause that will let you and your child work for them and go to it.

You don’t have to do it often, but volunteering is an amazing way to let your children see that others have need of their help. There’s a lot to be done for people who are much less fortunate.

Problem Solving

One thing many schools don’t teach so well right now is problem solving. Set up a challenge for your child and have him or her solve it.

Set up a challenge for your child and have him or her solve it.

This could be a series of clues you set up. It could be a discussion of a challenge you faced in your own past, and you ask your child how he or she would solve it. It could be an imaginary scenario. It could even just be math problems more challenging than given in school, if that’s your preference.

Being able to think a problem through, whatever sort of problem it may be, is a great skill to have in life. Not every problem has a clear right and wrong answer, of course, but that can be a part of the lesson.

Assertiveness

One thing that can be really hard for kids is to speak out for themselves. Others do it almost too well. But many kids don’t speak up when they have a problem they need help with, or when they have their own opinion.

Being assertive at appropriate times is a big help. It’s easy for parents and teachers to encourage kids to be passive, saying they’re being good when they don’t speak out. That’s not always the right lesson.

If your child has an opinion, hear them out. Enc0urage them to express it in detail, even if you don’t agree.

Too assertive can be a problem as well, so if this looks to be a problem, talk about when it’s right to assert yourself and when it may be better to be a bit more careful about asserting an opinion. It can be a problem in school at times, especially with some teachers. Make sure home is a safe place for your kids to express opinions, and have calm conversations about differing opinions.

This is a lot to work on over the summer, but you don’t have to do it all. Get the things done that appeal to you. And make sure you make time for fun.

Taking a Day Off for Family Time

Stephanie — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:50:45 +0000

I have to admit, I’m pretty much a workaholic when it comes to running my websites. I spend a lot of time on them. My husband is taking a week off his work this week, and I’ve been taking some advantage of it to get a little extra work time done. Not all day or anything, but a bit of extra.

But yesterday I took the day off for family time. We went to Big Bear Lake, which is only about an hour away.

It’s important to get family time when you run a home business. It’s really easy to get caught up in all the things you could be doing that maybe, just maybe, will help to increase your income. I’ve been having some relatively low income months lately, so the urge to work harder is strong right now.

That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take appropriate breaks.

A good break with the family is refreshing. It gets your mind away from all the stresses of working. You might even quit thinking about it for a time as you have fun.

Taking time for family is something you need to do a bit of every day, and then have some serious family time at least once a week. You work at home for a reason, after all, and if you neglect that reason, why are you at home anyhow?

You don’t have to do anything exciting for your family time. You don’t even have to leave the house. Just be together. Eat together. Do chores together. Turn off the television and back away from the computers. Cell phones too, especially if you have kids who really love to text.

Make some family time a regular priority. Not just because you need a break from working but because your family needs time as a unit.