1. Why the focus on moms?

This is one of the things that drives me up the wall. Why blame only moms for putting their kids in daycare and going to work? Why not the dads? I have two very competent stay at home dads in my family. Don’t tell me it can’t be done.

Sure, it’s more common and more traditional for moms to be more involved in child care. Unless you’re talking about pregnancy or breastfeeding, it doesn’t really have to be that way. Dads can do plenty, and they usually enjoy it.

2. Daycare is a perfectly acceptable option.

I may be an at home mom myself, but I have absolutely no problem with putting kids in daycare if that’s what the family needs.

My mother raised four of us on her own, so I speak from personal experience when I say daycare doesn’t have to be all that bad. It is not having someone else raise your child. They’re helping, yes, but so are the schools. Believe me, my parents still had plenty of influence on my choices throughout life, even my dad who I didn’t always see that much of as he didn’t always live nearby or even in the same state.

That said, I know daycare gets expensive fast. You do have to look at whether having both parents work makes sense in the face of daycare costs. Sometimes having a parent stay at home makes more financial sense. Still, that doesn’t mean working moms are in the wrong.

3. Not all stay at home moms are good at it.

It’s like anything else. Some stay at home moms are wonderful, attentive, caring, hard working mothers. Others aren’t. There are plenty of times when it’s better for the kids for both parents to work and have them go to daycare.

I don’t think you’re bad at being a stay at home mom if you aren’t up to June Cleaver’s level or anything. If staying at home is more of a miserable thing for you because you’d rather have a career, get out and get one. You won’t be called a bad parent by me for it.

4. Staying at home can be stressful.

Many people view being a stay at home mom as this wonderful, unstressed lifestyle. Somehow even the financial troubles just aren’t that big a problem for them. They make it work and life is good.

That’s not true for everyone. If you go to one income and can’t pay all the bills for little things you need such as rent, food and electricity, that’s stressful. Dealing with children can be stressful. Really and truly, the life of a stay at home mom isn’t all television and bonbons.

Is it less stressful for some than for others? Absolutely! That doesn’t mean it’s stress free for every stay at home parent. Financial challenges and other problems cause plenty of stress for others.

5. No acknowledgement of the real financial struggles many families face.

The people saying moms should just cope with the cutting back financially and stay at home have no concept of how much many families struggle. It’s not always a choice between a bigger house or a smaller house, or a newer or older car. It’s getting by, period.

Yes, some families are fortunate enough to have circumstances where they can get by on a minimal income and have one parent home. That’s the exception. We can’t all find extremely low rent, have family provide a home, inherit one, or otherwise get off cheap on housing costs. Some places are more expensive to live, and if that’s where your work is, it’s really not so simple as packing up to move someplace cheaper.

Then there’s food costs. Frankly, if the only way you can have one parent stay at home is to go on food stamps or other assistance, you need to look at increasing your income. That can be by working at home, I don’t mind that (obviously). I just don’t think you should use assistance to support a lifestyle choice, no matter how much you love your kids more than money. Use public assistance to keep going when you must, no problem there, but not as a lifestyle when you have other ways to get by.

6. An old car isn’t always a good solution.

Some people in the forum posts mentioned having an old car as one way to cut down on costs. That’s great when it works, no car payments, but sometimes the repairs run more than a car payment would. What do you do then? Unless you live in an area with good public transportation or close enough to work to walk or bike, a car can be a necessity.

Older cars are going to hit that point where you have to repair them more often eventually, and although they can be quite cheap to own for a time, repair costs can be more than payments on a newer car. What are families supposed to do then? A single income family can’t always save up a few thousand for a newer used car.

7. Stop with the “Only have as many children as you can afford” thing.

This one always annoys me. Certainly, there comes a point where people know they’re having more children than they can afford, but that’s not always what happened at the time the child was conceived or was born. Circumstances change. Jobs are lost, businesses close, incomes decrease. You can’t ever be certain that you can “afford” your children the entire 18 years you’ll be raising them, never mind whether or not you’ll be able to help with college.

Yes, I do agree that parents should think if their current circumstances will allow them to afford a child. It’s not my place to tell them what their final decision should be, however. If my husband and I had waited until we knew on paper that we could afford children, we wouldn’t have started when we did. We made it work anyhow, and while it’s been a struggle, we haven’t had to go on any sort of public assistance, and are finally making progress on the credit card debts.

8. Working moms spend plenty of time with their kids.

It has been shown that working moms spend more time with their kids now than stay at home moms did back in 1965. Dads are more involved too. Sure, stay at home moms spend still more time, but it’s not likely that the average kid is lacking for time with his or her parents due to being sent to daycare.

9. Women benefit from working.

I love the work I do at home. I don’t believe I would cope at all well as a stay at home mom if I didn’t have my business. It gives me something to think about beyond my home and children. That’s a good thing.

There’s also the money moms lose from not working. I don’t just mean in the moment. I mean saving for retirement as well as building a solid base for her career, missing out on promotions and so forth. It’s a long term income loss that can be hard on parents long after their children are grown.

That’s a big part of why I’m such a fan of working from home. Maybe you don’t need to earn the equivalent of a full time job, but at least you can keep some money coming in and some job skills current. Life’s uncertain, and that’s one way I cope.

I have a lawyer friend who tells me that most stay at home moms he knows don’t really understand what they’re losing out on by not working. He’s dealt with them on Social Security issues, and it basically comes down to if you don’t contribute, you don’t get anything. Sometimes that’s a huge problem.

10. The United States isn’t easy on families.

If you take a look at work policies around the Western world, the U.S. doesn’t look remotely family friendly. There’s a lack of parental leave available, childcare standards aren’t as good as other countries, education isn’t as good, the list goes on.  I’d call that a bigger problem than whether or not mothers stay home with their kids.

11. It’s possible that working parents are better for kids.

Now, all kinds of conclusions can be drawn from studies, nonetheless it is possible that working mothers really aren’t bad for their kids.

12. Women have often worked outside the home throughout history.

Women working outside the home is nothing new, and they didn’t just do so before marriage or motherhood.

13. I absolutely support at home parents.

Despite everything on this rant, I absolutely support at home parents, whether it’s the mother or the father. I wouldn’t run this site if I didn’t. It just makes me mad when people glance at working moms and declare them to be awful parents. They aren’t.

There’s nothing wrong with raising kids in the tight financial situation that often results from being a single income family. I suspect there’s some good in it, as kids then learn that they don’t get everything they want all the time.

14. Parents supporting their kids is the most important thing.

What matters most in the long run is that parents support their kids. I don’t just mean financially. I mean educationally, emotionally and so forth. You’re a parent and you’re probably doing the best you can for your kids. That doesn’t mean you can’t do your best for yourself too. If your kids are loved and know it, there’s a good chance they’ll be fine whether you’re at home or working.

Related posts:

1. Some Days I Really Feel for Working Moms
2. Should Women Be Stay at Home Moms?
3. How to Meet Other Stay at Home Moms

These are just a few of the ways I handle things. It’s not always easy to get time on my own, but something is usually possible eventually.

Shop Online

This one should be obvious these days, but it’s not always easy to keep kids from peeking over your shoulder, nor is it always a replacement for going out and actually seeing the things you want to buy. When you’ve got just a little time and privacy, it’s one of the easiest. Great selection, shipping free from many sites, this stuff can be good.

Amazon is a common favorite because they carry such an amazing range of things. I also have a deep fondness for ThinkGeek. I’d imagine you have your own favorites too.

Shop During School Hours

If the kids go to school and you have a few hours without them, it’s a great time to get your holiday shopping done. It means watching the clock a little, but that’s not usually a major problem.

Have Someone Else Watch the Kids

I love this option. Usually it’s my husband or a grandparent watching the kids to give me time out for holiday shopping. Grandparents are particularly useful if my husband and I want to go out shopping together. It’s fun picking things out with someone else to talk to, after all.

If you don’t have family nearby, see about trading off with friends. Surely you know someone else who has a hard time getting out to shop because of their kids. Make a deal which benefits you both.

Remember Toddlers Don’t Really Understand Everything

I do a lot of my holiday shopping with my toddler in tow, even if it’s for her. I can show her things, even put them into the cart and buy them, and know that by the time I give them to her, she’ll be excited all over again. She also doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to spoil any surprises for her siblings.

Shop Later

One of the presents my kids ask for most often is that I take them shopping after the holidays or a birthday. They love that a big part of their present is time out with me or their father, whoever they pick. A budget is set, the kinds of things I’ll be willing to buy explained, and off we go. Usually there’s ice cream or a movie involved as well. It’s fun and it ensures that whatever is bought is what that child wanted.

I try to make this one on one time, but it can be done with siblings along if desired. Just make it a little extra special.

Related posts:

1. Gift Ideas for Stay at Home Moms
2. Beyond the Boredom for Stay at Home Moms
3. How to Meet Other Stay at Home Moms

It’s a common question stay at home moms get, and not the most welcome one in a lot of cases. Many people assume that once your kids are in school, you don’t need to be a stay at home mom for them anymore, despite all the challenges of getting them to school and back home again after, coping with sick days and so forth. And certainly you won’t be staying home once all the kids are grown! What are you going to do once that time comes that you need to find a job when you’ve been spending years as a stay at home mom?

This can be a real dilemma, although it gets worse if suddenly you can’t be a stay at home mom anymore because your family needs more money coming in for one reason or another. Then it can be urgent.

I get this question here and there, even from fellow stay at home moms. In my case, I’m fortunate enough to have a business that I love and that may allow me to continue to stay at home, kids or no. We’ll see what the future holds. It doesn’t hurt, however, to plan ahead so you know what you’ll do when you’re no longer able to stay at home.

Keeping Up or Building Your Job Skills

What kind of work would you like to do when you’re no longer staying at home? Do you have a dream job you’d love to have? What would it take to get you into that job?

If it’s a job you had before you became a stay at home mom, you may have skills you need to keep up. There may be journals in your field you should be reading to keep up on the latest, or short classes you can take here and there to maintain your skills. These are the kinds of things you might be doing even if you were working in the industry now, and there’s little reason to give it up just because you’re at home now. Hopefully they’ll come in handy again in the future.

If you have a dream job you’d like to get into when the kids are old enough, at what point should you start taking classes to help you in that direction? Are classes available online that you could take while watching your kids?

For example, I have considered the possibility that I’ll go into Instructional Design someday. I took a course in that in college, and it was a lot of fun. My college had a Master’s Degree program for it, so if I want to do that in the future, I’ll have to look at how I’d qualify for that program.

Look into any grants or scholarships you may qualify for when you’re getting ready to go back to school. There are grants available in some places for homemakers who want to build marketable skills. Check with your local colleges to see if something is available to you to help with the costs. An online search can help too, just be careful of scholarship scams.

Working from Home

Many stay at home moms keep their skills or build up new ones by working at home. You can find a job you can do from home, freelance for a variety of clients or start your own business. This is the option I took, and I’m glad of it, as it has allowed me to stay home with my kids even when my husband was laid off work, plus  I’m continuing to pay into Social Security in the hopes that it will continue to be there.

Even if you believe you’re always going to stay at home, earning some amount of income is a good idea. Not only do you never know what’s going to happen in the future, you need some way to save for retirement. If you aren’t earning your own money, make sure to take some of your husband’s income for a retirement account. Odds are you’ll need it someday.

I like working from home. It’s rough getting things started, but for me it has been well worth the trouble. I’ve had pathetic months where my earnings have been miserable, and great ones where I’ve earned more than my husband, all while being there for our kids.

I have skills now that I could use in a job outside the home if I had to. If it comes down to it, I might still go for that, but I could certainly show a potential employer that I could help them with certain online parts of their business. It’s not a bad skill to have. Alternatively, I could brush up my old medical transcription skills, although I’d have to learn to cope with electronic medical records.

Earning some amount of your own money at home can be very good for the future of your career as well as your retirement. You may not want it to take over the time you mean to spend with your kids, but there are always early mornings, nap time, school time and/or night time to work if you want to be mostly focused on the kids during the day.

Setting Up Your Resume

The resume is the hardest part for a long term stay at home mom. You may not feel as though there’s much to put there, and just where are you going to get references anyhow?

The important thing to a potential employer is that they know you are truly interested in getting back to work. They don’t want to hear how you’re missing being with your kids or other such things. If you might have childcare issues, be upfront about that.

As a stay at home mom, you’ve done a lot of work keeping your family organized, dealing with finances, possibly you’ve volunteered at the school or other places. These things can be highlighted on your resume, along with any work you’ve done or classes you’ve taken to keep your job skills up to date. Volunteer work may be a good place to get references. Don’t be ashamed of having been a stay at home mom; just point out the skills you used as one. Skip silly titles for the work you do at home and go for realistic ones.

Remember to tweak your resume for each job you apply for. You want to emphasize the skills the job listing asked for. Focus more on skills than on dates, but have the dates available on your resume, as many employers still want to know. A flat out chronological resume may not be your best choice, but a combination format allowing you to emphasize your skills while giving employers access to the dates they may be interested in is often your best choice.

Don’t stress too much about keeping your resume down to a single page, but don’t make it excessively long either. These days you’re more likely to be sending your resume by email or through an online form.

Make sure you know how to write a good cover letter too. Some companies care about them, others don’t, but you usually won’t know that in advance.

Try a Temp Agency

If you just aren’t finding a permanent job of the sort you’d like, try a temp agency. Sometimes these jobs turn permanent, but even when they don’t, you’re building up your skills and making them more current while earning money. That’s far better than being out of work.

Don’t expect a temp agency to be the solution to your job search woes. They won’t always have work available to you immediately. They are simply another tool you can use as you look for a job.

Update Your Wardrobe

Make sure you have a reasonably current wardrobe appropriate to the type of work you’ll be doing. Just what you need depends on the job, and it may not be exactly what it was when you last worked outside the home. Many are more casual than they used to be. Fortunately, dressing up a little for interviews is still a good plan in many industries.

Returning to work after being a stay at home mom for a few years or more can feel pretty strange, but it’s entirely possible to make the transition. Search hard, prepare well and do your research before interviews.

Related posts:

1. Are You Still a Stay at Home Mom if You Work Outside the Home at Night?
2. How Do You Decide Whether to Work Outside the Home or Be a Stay at Home Mom?
3. Stay at Home Mom Pride

I was telling her how happy I was to finally have a way to get my volunteer hours in at the school with my toddler in tow. To get guaranteed admission for my kids into this new charter school, I had agreed to do 50 hours of volunteer work at the school. This has been a bit of a problem as she’s not allowed to be with me if I volunteer in the classrooms. However, as the school has a room for parents to work for the teachers while watching their younger children, I decided to see if I could do reading with individual students. Happily, they gave me permission to do that, so long as I don’t leave my little one alone in the room. She’s two, so that much was obvious to me.

The other mom congratulated me on having a new way to keep busy.

Busy? I thought I was busy. I’m raising 3 kids and have a reasonably successful online business. My life isn’t exactly quiet. Adding in reading with my son’s classmates makes my life busier, sure, but it’s not the only way I do that by a long shot.

I always wonder if these attitudes come about because so many stay at home moms don’t see their own work as work in that sense. It just has to be done, as though that makes it less valued than other sorts of work, and it’s certainly not enough to keep you busy.

I also don’t consider this sort of volunteering to be social time. I won’t even get to speak to the teacher much, since we’ll be in separate rooms, she’ll be busy with the kids in the classroom and I’ll be busy with each child she sends to me, plus my little one. I’ll be more interested in how many kids I can get through each day before my youngest gets too frustrated with the whole process. She loves listening to stories so I hope she won’t be too difficult, but she’s two. It happens.

I’m not a big believer in stay at home mom boredom. I don’t think most moms who really chose to stay at home are bored. If you are, it’s probably a good time to find something to add to your day, just don’t assume that I’m bored too. I have too many things I’ve chosen to add to my days for boredom to be a major part of my day.

Related posts:

1. Where Are the Stay at Home Jobs for Moms That Are Not Scams?
2. Should Women Be Stay at Home Moms?
3. How to Meet Other Stay at Home Moms

I’ll admit to being a big fan of being a work at home mom. I like the challenges of earning a living from my business, and frankly it’s the only way I could stay home with the kids anyhow. My husband doesn’t earn so much that I could focus entirely on raising my family. That way lies financial disaster for us, not to mention frustration for me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t respect those moms who choose to be stay at home moms, no work at home job, no home based business, just focusing on the needs of her family.

There can be a certain lack of respect for that choice, however. Many people say stay at home moms are wasting their educations and talents. They’d be surprised to learn that being a stay at home mom doesn’t turn your brain to mush. Most days at least, and anyone who has ever held a job knows working outside the home can do that too.

I think a lot of the problem is that raising a family isn’t seen as a serious contribution to society. After all, working parents do the same while holding down a job. Surely a mother doesn’t have to stay home with her kids and only stay home with her kids, right?

That’s certainly possible, but it’s not the only valid choice, and it shouldn’t be the only valid choice. Just because you can work outside the home and still be a wonderful mother doesn’t mean you have to work outside the home if you believe another choice is better for your family.

Being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you’re like one of the housewives on a TV show. You probably aren’t a trophy wife, although hopefully your husband is proud of you. Your life is rarely all that dramatic, just filled with moments that make being a stay at home mom worthwhile.

You don’t always have time to watch someone else’s children, run errands for them or volunteer for everything that comes up. You may or may not love to bake. Your home is as clean as you care to make it, and if that’s too clean for some people and not clean enough for others, that’s their problem, not yours.

You are absolutely qualified to have an opinion on world, national and local events. You aren’t so obsessed with your family that you don’t pay attention to the world around you.

You do know the many advantages to being home. It’s not just raising your family and being there for your kids, although that’s a pretty huge advantage. Some stay at home moms are also helping with elderly parents or other family members needing special care. You can help friends out when it fits in with everything else you’re doing if you so choose. Plus you get lots of special time with your children.

Stay at home moms give up a lot, and many don’t realize just how much, especially financially. It’s not just the loss of income. It’s less savings for retirement. It’s a long delay in her career, which means missed promotions and opportunities. The sacrifices aren’t for the faint of heart.

What Do You Do When Someone Doesn’t Respect You as a Stay at Home Mom?

You aren’t always going to get the respect you deserve as a stay at home mom because some people just don’t get it. That said, the more confident you are in the value of what you do, the harder it is for someone to say it to your face. The things you do all day aren’t too trivial to be mentioned. They may not be topics that everyone enjoys discussing, but then not everyone enjoys talking about sports, that awful traffic jam, who got that great promotion or shopping either. Find something else to talk about to the people who find your work as a stay at home mom boring.

As for stay at home dads, yes, I know people stigmatize you too. It’s usually a rather different sort of stigma than moms get, perhaps even less comfortable since stay at home dad isn’t so traditional a position as being a stay at home mom. Keep doing your best and know that there are people who appreciate you too.

Related posts:

1. Are You Still a Stay at Home Mom if You Work Outside the Home at Night?
2. Stay at Home Mom Pride
3. How Do You Talk About Being a Stay at Home Mom?

The only problem is that when finances get tight, you have less flexibility. There’s a certain financial sacrifice already when you have one parent stay at home, and when the one income drops or disappears suddenly, your family may be in trouble. How can you, as a stay at home mom or dad, help?

I’m going to assume at this point that you’ve already cut back on spending in the usual area. It’s the most obvious and simplest step to take, even if it’s not without discomfort. When money’s tight, don’t spend on the things your family doesn’t need, and know the difference between needs and wants. There’s a lot of ground in there, but you can find what works for your family.

Here are some other ways to help out with a money crunch while still being a stay at home mom.

Find a Way to Earn Money From Home

Whatever you do, don’t be desperate about this one. It’s easy to get scammed when you’re trying to get a work at home job or start a home business. You have to pay attention to what you’re getting yourself into.

Don’t expect miracles. Most people earning money from home don’t earn millions, or even thousands per month. If you find some good work to do, it’s still something you can contribute financially to your family.

I have a post on how to earn money from home if you’d like more ideas on how to get started.

Increase the Income You’re Already Earning

You might be earning money from home already, in which case it’s time to step things up and bring in more money. That can mean increasing your rates if you’re a freelancer, working harder on getting more sales if you’re an affiliate or if you sell your own products, or asking your employer for more hours if you have a work at home job. Find a new affiliate product to offer that complements the products you’re already offering.

The thing to remember if you’re already earning money is that you can find ways to increase it. It may not be easy, and may add to the stress in your life, but that’s often what it takes to dig yourself out of a bad financial position.

Get a Job Outside the Home

This can still be compatible with one parent staying at home. If your spouse is still working, just with a decreased income, consider taking on a job at night, and being the at home parent during the day. Working opposite shifts from your spouse sucks big time, but if that’s what it takes to support your family, you may have to do it.

If your spouse is completely out of work, it may also pay for both of you to look for work. It might just be that you trade who’s the one at home, assuming the parent who had been working can stand the switch. Not all can.

Sell Things You Don’t Need

Selling things you don’t need only takes care of the short term, but that can be important in the long run. When my old car broke down, we didn’t have the money to replace it, but we also realized we didn’t really need it. Selling it for the little bit it was worth not only brought in a little money, it cut down on insurance and gas costs. I almost hated replacing it when the time came that my husband’s car was no longer enough.

Garage sales can be pretty easy to organize, although you do have to be aware of the over enthusiastic bargain shoppers. Some areas require you get a permit in order to hold a garage sale. The money is quick, and you get rid of things you truly no longer need.

Same for selling on Craigslist. It’s a fast way to get some money, but probably not a complete solution.

Try Not to Rely on the Credit Cards Too Much

While it may be necessary to put more than usual on the credit cards when times are tight, do what you can to minimize that. Credit card debt can take a very long time to pay off, and can keep the financial stress up even after your income improves.

The most important thing you can do when your family has money troubles is to find a way to work through it together. These things don’t last forever; they just require some extra effort to find your way through.

Related posts:

1. Do Stay at Home Moms Need Cell Phones?
2. How to Avoid Common Budget Mistakes Stay at Home Moms Make
3. How Important Should Frugality Be to Stay at Home Moms?

This can be particularly acute for stay at home moms who find a need to start working at home. Didn’t they start staying at home to be there for their kids? Are they depriving their kids by taking a part of their day in order to work?

It gets even worse when others add to the guilt trip. Some people insist work at home moms can’t be fair to their children while earning an income from home. What’s a stay at home mom to do?

Quit Letting the Guilt Get to You

You can’t always keep from feeling guilty about the things that keeping you from being available to your kids every minute. Not do you only have other things to get done around your home, you have the right to some amount of your own life.

When it comes to doing the things you need to get done, you shouldn’t feel guilty if you need help with the kids or if they have to wait a bit for your attention. This includes doing the things you have to do in order to earn enough money from home that you can stay at home.

You don’t have to be immediately available to every whim of your child to still be more available than you would be working outside your home. You’re also showing your children the reality of what it takes to earn a living. That’s not a bad example for them – odds are they’ll be doing that themselves someday, whether at a job outside their homes, or following your example and working from home.

There may be times when the stresses of working at home will make you a little short tempered with your family.  It happens to the best of us. But it’s real, and rather than feeling guilty about it, make sure you’re setting the example of handling the stresses and your temper as best you can. The way you handle these times will make an impression on your kids.

Schedule Around the Needs of Your Children

Your schedule when you work at home is often quite flexible. As much as you can, work it around the needs of your children. This allows you to be more available to them when they need you.

That means working late nights or early mornings for many work at home parents, plus naptimes when you need daytime hours with an infant, toddler or preschooler, or during school hours for older kids.

It doesn’t always work out for all of us to work such a schedule, but you do what you can. If you really need work time when the kids are going to be around and active, try trading babysitting, getting a mother’s helper or even paying for daycare, especially if the need is going to be a regular thing. It’s not that unusual for a work at home parent to need some help with the kids, especially the younger ones.

Remember That Children Need to Develop Independence

Particularly as the kids get older, teaching them to entertain themselves as you work is a way to encourage their independence. As kids get older, they really don’t need your attention every minute, even when they think they do.

I don’t mean leave your very young child unsupervised unnecessarily or unsafely. I do mean teaching your children how to have fun without you in age appropriate ways. Coloring, playing with blocks and other toys, reading, things like that.

If you have a laptop you can often lightly monitor your kids as they play on their own, even outdoors if you find a place where you can read your screen comfortably. It all depends on how much supervision is needed, and how much you can be distracted and still get work done, which varies quite a bit depending on what you do and your work style.

Take Breaks

Be sure to take breaks not only from working, but from parenting too. During your work day, take a short break every hour or so, and longer ones every few hours. These are great times to get a bit done around the house, interact with the kids or just relax a little.

Take breaks from parenting sometimes to remember who you are on your own. Get out with your spouse or with friends. Read a book you want to read just for the fun of it. Make time for one of your hobbies. Be you.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

This is important both in your professional life and your personal life. Spend too much comparing yourself to others, and you won’t appreciate so much the things you do get done.

You can’t compare your progress in your working life to how others are doing. They probably aren’t doing exactly the same thing, and they don’t have your exact home situation.

You can’t compare how you keep your home to how others manage it. They probably have different priorities, different rules, a different amount of time to care for their home, and so forth.

Just forget the comparisons. If you’re doing well enough for what your family needs, that’s pretty good.

Know How Much You Can Take On

It’s all too easy to take on too much when you work at home. The commitment to being a stay at home mom or dad is already pretty huge. Add in working at home, and the time commitment grows tremendously. You have to know how much work you can take on with everything else you need to get done, and balance that with the income you need to bring in for the sake of your family.

Remember the Alternatives

If you weren’t working at home, what would you be doing? Could you afford to be a stay at home mom or dad without the additional income? Would you have to go back to work outside your home? Would you have to tighten your belts but otherwise make it without the income you bring working at home?

A lot of parents work at home because they need the income for their families. Others don’t need it quite so badly, but work because they love what they do. Still others are keeping their skills in so that they can go back to work when the kids get older.

Whatever your reason for working at home, you probably gave it a lot of thought. Working at home isn’t so simple that most people can just plunge into it. There’s usually a long search for just the right job or home business opportunity, and much concern about scams.

Working at home may keep you busy when the kids wish you were free sometimes, but how would it go if you worked outside the home? You’d be gone for hours a day and have much less choice in most cases about which hours you work. You’d have a commute, whether short or long. You’d have to figure out how your children would be cared for while you’re at work.

That’s not the worst thing; many families have no choice but to have both parents working, and make it work for them just fine, but if it’s not what you want for your family, you only have so many ways to avoid it. You can work at home and lose some of the free time you have available to your family or you can deal with having a single income and all the risks and limitations that entails.

Don’t try to be Supermom and have the perfect home, perfect family while working long hours to add to the family’s income. It doesn’t work that way all the time and you’ll burn out trying to do it all. Get everyone to help out and know that the small stuff has to slide so you can take care of the big things.

Too often work at home moms try to keep their home as perfectly as they would if they didn’t have a job, plus be there every moment for their kids. That’s not fair to anyone. Not you as a parent who never gets a moment alone. Not to your kids who learn that parenthood means running around completely frazzled, doing things for everyone else and not for yourself. It’s not the example I suggest you make.

If everyone is safe, reasonably happy and properly fed, you’re doing it right. The rest is extra. Odds are your family will be impressed with all you accomplish no matter how guilty you feel about the things you think you should have done.

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2. Should Women Be Stay at Home Moms?
3. How Do You Cope When You Feel Stigmatized as a Stay at Home Mom?

There’s a lot to get done every day, and never enough time. You could drive yourself crazy with stress, but you’d be better off figuring out how to make the most of being a stay at home mom. With the right perspective and some good family support it’s a lot of fun. The parts where the kids are silly and you get to see them reach so many milestones are always fun, but some days you’ll wish the stress and noise would give you a break.

1. Take a break for you.

That’s right. When you need a break, find a way to take one. It won’t always be easy, but you need to take time for you.

The problem many stay at home moms have is that they’re on call 24/7 and they don’t ask enough help from their husbands. It’s that feeling that he works all day, discounting what you do all day yourself as just part of the deal. The simple truth is that you’re working hard too; it’s just a different kind of work, a different kind of hard. Much of what you do may seem like play to others, but if someone else did that for your kids, you’d probably have to pay them.

That’s why you need and deserve breaks. Children are demanding little rascals. You need a break so that you can deal with the demands in a better frame of mind, more relaxed, and with plenty of time to pursue your own interests.

There’s no good reason to drop all your interests just because you’re raising children, and many good reasons to keep them up. Reading to amuse yourself is a good example for the children, as is showing them that you have interests outside of their care. Nothing selfish about that. Instead you’re teaching your kids about things you like to do and that they can amuse themselves when you need time for yourself. You may still have to keep a bit of an eye on them while you pursue your interests, but the independence they learn in playing on their own, or with siblings and friends is a great skill.

2. Take time for your marriage.

Your kids need you quite a bit, but so does your husband. You need him too, and you both need time together. Make time for it.

Dates don’t have to be fancy, or even away from home. Put the kids to bed, shut off the TV or put a great movie you’ve been wanting to watch together, just make time for the two of you. A special dinner, some massage, even just talking, whatever sounds fun to the two of you.

That’s not to discount getting out on your own away from the house and the kids regularly. It’s just to point out that you don’t have to pay for a babysitter if you want to be spontaneous or the budget doesn’t work out. When you can get out together, do so. Have some fun.

It’s important to keep that connection in your marriage. It’s good for the both of you and a great example for the children. They need to know that your partnership as a married couple is a vital part of life.

3. Take time for your friends and other family.

Being a stay at home mom can be really lonely if you let it. Don’t.

This is a good time to quit talking about the kids and remember who you are. It will help encourage you to keep up your other interests, and of course it’s fun to have time with your own friends.

4. Take time for your career.

That’s right. Just because you’re a stay at home mom right now doesn’t mean you should neglect your career entirely. Stay at home moms have a lot of options right now to be there for their families and still either work from home or keep learning so they don’t lose all their work skills. Make the most of these opportunities.

This is important even if you think you’ll always be a stay at home mom. None of us know what the future holds. Death, divorce, layoffs, disabilities, all these things can mean you suddenly need to plunge back into the workforce. You should prepare in other ways financially as well, but keeping up some sort of job skills or running a home business can mean a lot in the long run.

There are a lot of ways to work at home, whether you telecommute from your usual career, freelance, take a simpler job that can be done from home or start your own business of one sort or another. The internet gives you more possibilities than your own mother had for an income from home.

You could also take time to further your career. Night classes, online classes, take something that will give your career a boost later on. Most of us don’t remain stay at home moms until retirement. Better to work to advance your career than to fall behind because your skills are out of date.

5. Have pride in your work as a stay at home mom.

Despite the common description, you aren’t “just” a stay at home mom. There’s nothing so little about it. You do complex, challenging work. Don’t minimize it. The work isn’t for everyone, but what job is?

You know you don’t have that much time for sitting and watching TV. Your day won’t sound like much to some people, but those who have been there know how much is really involved. Have a little fun talking about it when the topic comes up.

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They too are all around. They surround you. They’re just hard to see through the haze of work at home scams.

Just because they’re all around doesn’t mean it’s easy to get a stay at home job or to earn any sort of decent income from home. It’s difficult for most people. It’s a lot of work added onto a busy lifestyle.

Want a stay at home job that doesn’t involve getting scammed? The simplest way to do that is to go into business for yourself. And it’s really not that simple.

Offering your skills as a freelancer takes some work, but it’s something many of us can do, and doesn’t involve paying someone for the business opportunity. It does involve risk. You don’t know when you’ll get your first jobs. You don’t know how good a particular client will be about paying you. You have to check with your city hall to see about home business licensing and business name requirements. You have to set up bank accounts.

All that is still usually faster than landing a job working for one of the usual stay at home jobs. Get good at it, and it’s more profitable as well.

You might be amazed at how many opportunities there are for freelancers. You can do freelance bookkeeping, writing, programming, marketing, website designing, graphic design, be a virtual assistant, just look at your skill set and figure out a way to offer your services to local businesses or to businesses online.

There are plenty of traps to fall into as you get started, however. The most common is to set too low a price for your services. That may not get you more clients. That may get you clients who are looking for cheap but still want everything they’d get for a higher price. It’s better to set your prices based on what you need to earn for your efforts.

The other traps are when you do look at your stay at home work options. You don’t want to fall for the scams. Be careful any time you spend money on something and any time you share your personal information. Do your research first, make sure you’re signing up for something legitimate and that you want to do, then sign up. It’s not going to do you any good to sign up for random things and never get anything done, even if you avoid the scams.

There are other sorts of home based work you can do, of course. There’s daycare if you don’t mind taking care of a lot of kids and have the room to do it. Take a good look at licensing requirements in your area if that’s what you want to do. Be prepared for long hours. It’s very much not for everyone, but if you love kids and don’t mind the hours, it could be the way to go.

The thing to remember is that the lists of employers who hire people to work from home is only a small part of the story. If you want a stay at home job, you’re better off taking it to the next level. Make your own opportunities. You might fail, you might succeed, but you’ll learn more than if you never tried at all.

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It was a truly exhausting project to deal with, more than I had expected it to be, but oh, so fun!

We entered California Virtual Academy’s Winterland of Gingerbread event. As I expected, my daughter was pretty ambitious with her ideas for her gingerbread house. Can’t say I discouraged it that much, other than to make sure it wasn’t more than I thought we could handle.

It was closer to too much than I like to think, though. I’d never baked gingerbread before. Made “gingerbread” houses with the kids before, but I always cheated and used graham crackers. Much, much easier!

Still, I think the trouble was worth the results. She was one of four kids in her category to win a prize.

I’m still dealing with the aftermath, in the form of helping my son finish his significantly smaller gingerbread house. Didn’t seem fair to let one kid make a gingerbread house and not the other. At least he isn’t trying to win something – he just wants to have fun and sneak bits of candy as he builds.

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