One of the things I enjoy doing with my kids is teaching them basic life skills. It seems like a lot of parents skip some of the basics with their kids these days, because it’s easier to do it yourself than to teach it.

Suckers. Teaching it is hard, but eventually the kids know how to do it for you. Then it starts paying off… aside from hearing the kids complain about having to do whatever chores you assign them.

My intent is to have both of my daughters and my son learn the basics of running a household. Not just cooking and cleaning, but basic repairs and dealing with technology too.

My intent is to have both of my daughters and my son learn the basics of running a household.

This incompetence in basic skills is something I remember seeing in my fellow students when I lived in the dorms in college. It was amazing how many had never done a single load of laundry.

You want to teach chores at appropriate ages. My oldest can cook a little bit on the stove, and will be learning more soon. She’s finally tall enough to deal with the controls on the washer and dryer, so more laundry is about to be added to her list.

My son does some basic food heating in the microwave. He’s also puzzling out how to make PB&J sandwiches – the thickness of the peanut butter still gives him trouble.

The oldest two both do chores that involve sweeping, mopping and scrubbing. It takes a lot of supervision still, to make sure they don’t do a sloppy job then give up. But they do them.

The youngest is still too young for chores.

Division of Labor

In some ways, my husband and I have a pretty traditional division in labor, mostly because I work at home so I’m there to get things done all day. But any chore I ask him to do he can do well enough, and I’ve learned to not criticize when he loads the dishwasher differently from how I would do it unless there’s a genuine problem that would keep the dishes from getting clean. We go nontraditional in other ways.

I want my kids to know that they can handle whatever jobs around the house need doing, whether it’s traditionally “men’s work” or “women’s work”.

I want my kids to know that they can handle whatever jobs around the house need doing, whether it’s traditionally “men’s work” or “women’s work”. They can all be competent.

That’s why I make sure that while I’m more likely to do some chores, sometimes my husband does them, and vice versa. Who does which has much to do with preferences and who can get a particular job done better or faster, rather than traditional gender roles. I handle just about all the technology stuff, for example.

Important Skills

There are a lot of skills I want my kids to have by their mid-teens at the latest, so they’re well practiced by adulthood. They include cooking a variety of foods, following a recipe, basic repair sewing, using a hammer, using a screwdriver, painting a wall, emptying the trash, sweeping, mopping, knowing when basic car maintenance needs to be done, mowing a lawn, doing the laundry, living on a budget, and more.

You can’t assume that kids will go from living with you to living with a spouse who has all of these skills, so I call them necessary. Just think about time spent living in college dorms or apartments where they’re going to have to handle many of these things on their own.

Don’t Let Them Feign Incompetence

Learning that you have to do your share even when you aren’t in the mood is a great lesson.

Kids are great at pretending that they can’t handle various chores. They’ll call them too hard when they really just aren’t in the mood to do the work, even on chores they do regularly. They’ll also try to claim a new chore is too difficult when they aren’t in the mood to learn a new skill.

Don’t let them get away with it. Learning that you have to do your share even when you aren’t in the mood is a great lesson.

Don’t let them get away with doing a sloppy job on a chore you know they’re usually better at. Wanting to head out to play with friends or to play on the computer isn’t an excuse for sloppy work. I usually remind my kids that I don’t have to let them do fun things until their work is done. They don’t like that, but it usually gets them moving.

As grownups, we pretty much all know that what ads say isn’t always the precise truth. They always put the products in the best possible light.

Kids don’t think that way, of course. Just look at how many struggle with the idea that cartoons aren’t real. Think there’s any chance that they understand yet that commercials aren’t 100% true?

You’re going to have to teach them.

There’s nothing like having a preschooler point out inaccuracies in advertising.

This can be done starting at a pretty early age, and it’s a lot of fun once you start seeing results. There’s nothing like having a preschooler point out inaccuracies in advertising.

Explain Advertising to Them

Start out by explaining what ads are to them, and why companies advertise. It really helps if they understand why they’re seeing ads.

Use individual ads as examples. When the kids are really enthusiastic about a product ad they’ve just seen, ask them why. See if they understand how the ad gained their interest. Talk about how the ads are making them feel and whether the actual item will make them feel that way. Ask if they really think the product will do exactly as claimed. Ask if similar products can probably do the exact same thing.

This is easiest with toys, and can be very effective if they happen to have a few toys that they had seen advertised and were then disappointed in, or if the toy quickly lost their interest. Go over how the toy was advertised, and compare it to the real thing. You can also compare it to toys your kids already own.

Build Their Language Skills

You know how devious promotional language can be. It’s usually true, but a truth stretched as far as the advertisers dared, and then exaggerated. Helping your kids to spot how this is done is not only good for their ability to understand advertising, it’s great for their vocabulary.

Don’t be surprised if the kids start to treat advertising as lying. It’s a pretty natural step. You can decide how to explain the difference between lying and what most ads do.

Be Aware of Product Placements

It’s not just ads during the commercial breaks you need to discuss. It’s the placement of products within the shows themselves.

It’s not just ads during the commercial breaks you need to discuss.

This isn’t much of a problem during most cartoons, except in the sense that an awful lot of cartoons are all about selling the toys. But in other kinds of shows, you’ll see strategically placed and used products throughout the show.

Talk about why their favorite characters are drinking a particular soda. Talk about the other brands that are clearly shown on camera. Explain that this is also a form of advertising, and the preferences shown on television have little to nothing to do with real life.

Discuss Alternatives

It’s helpful to remind kids that they don’t need everything they see advertised on television. There are a lot of better choices for them out there.

It’s helpful to remind kids that they don’t need everything they see advertised on television.

It could be something you already own. It could be a similar product you already prefer. It could be a discussion on why you don’t need everything you see advertised. It could be a discussion on the cost of the product and why you don’t need to spend the money.

Ads try to make it seem so much like everything is needed, so teaching your kids that they don’t need it all is important.

Have Them Make Their Own Live “Ads”

Once the kids are starting to understand advertising, have them try making up their own, right in front of you. Give them something simple and tell them to sell it to you, any way they can.

This encourages them to think about what goes into an ad and product claims. With most kids, it’s also pretty funny, as they’re great at coming up with wild ideas.

Summer is a favorite time of year for many children. There’s no school to keep them from doing what it is they really want to do.

Then there’s you. Mom. Destroyer of plans for a completely lazy summer in front of the computer and television screens. Evil laugh needed here.

Mom. Destroyer
of plans for a completely lazy summer

Not all kids want to laze around the house all summer, but it’s easy for that to happen. They have so much more time to watch favorite shows and play favorite games that they don’t really think about what else they could be doing. That’s where planning for the summer comes in.

Make sure you involve your kids appropriately in your plans for their summer. The older they are, the more effort they should be putting into figuring these things out. You want summer activities to be fun for the kids without running you completely ragged.

1. Turn off the TV and computer.

This is the easiest way to get the kids doing something more than watching TV or playing on the computer. Tell them it’s time for the machines to be off. Include any relevant laptop or handheld electronic devices.

Tell them to find something else to do. You don’t have to order them outside – I personally have no problem with my kids deciding to go read a book when I say “screens off,” so long as they’re still spending enough other time being active or doing things.

2. Enroll them in activities they enjoy.

Not all activities have to be organized team sports. Let’s face it, that doesn’t suit everyone.

Enrolling the kids in activities helps them to find what really interests them.

It takes time out of your day to take kids to activities when they’re too young to get themselves places, but it’s worth it. You’re helping them to develop interests that they may keep for a lifetime or drop in a couple of months. Either way, you’re helping your kids figure out what they love to do.

The hard part is when kids decide to drop an activity part way through when you’ve paid for the whole thing. You have to think about how you’re going to deal with that. Is it acceptable to you?

Sometimes it should be. Sometimes it shouldn’t. Pay attention to the situation and decide which way it should go. Is the better lesson to push on despite problems or is it to find something your child truly loves?

Around here, swimming lessons are a must each and every summer. My inlaws have a pool, so water safety is an absolute must. It won’t ever matter if my kids hate swimming lessons – they will take them until they are highly competent swimmers. That’s the best I can do to keep them safe with access to a pool when they visit their grandparents. Good thing they love swimming lessons for now.

3. Where are the neighborhood kids?

My kids love to play with the neighborhood kids. They run out just about every day to see who’s free to play. I won’t tell you how often the answer is “no one.” It gets kind of depressing at times.

It’s wonderful for kids to have friends all around the neighborhood to play with. Get to know the families in your area. See who is willing to have your kids over or send theirs over to you. Agree that playtime is not TV time.

Playing with
other kids is
great for social development.

Playing with other kids is great for social development. I don’t worry too much about if play with neighborhood kids is active or sitting around playing with toys or just talking. It leans toward active so far, but a big point of it is that the kids are interacting with each other.

The great part about getting to know the neighborhood kids is that it means they’re all safer to play out front, where they can have more space to roam. So many parents have exaggerated fears of kidnapping, but a group of kids is safer than a solitary child out playing… and that solitary child is very safe in most areas.

Judge by where you live, of course, as some places are less safe than others. But don’t let the media tell you to be afraid to let your kids do things you probably did yourself and that were mostly safe. It’s amazingly good for their confidence to do things without adults hovering.

4. Be active yourself.

If all you do is sit in front of a screen all day, why should your kids be any different? Get active yourself and involve the kids. Go on family walks and hikes. Kick or throw a ball around. Play tag.

Not only is this setting a great example for the kids, but it’s a good break for you. If you work at home, you need the time away from your work. It refreshes your mind and may help you to be more productive.

Besides, so many of us mope about wanting to be more active. Get your kids expecting you to play with them and you won’t have much of a choice.

Most parents have to be careful with their money. Raising a family isn’t cheap. Even when you have a good income, it pays to know where your money is going?

Are you teaching your kids the same thing?

Even when money is tight it’s easy to want to give your kids everything they want. Doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea, just that it’s something easy to do. But kids don’t need everything that they want.

There are a few aspects to being smart about money.

Want vs. Need

Teaching your kids to understand the difference between wanting and needing is a vital step to take. It’s something you can teach even when you’re giving them something just because they want it. That doesn’t make it an easy lesson to learn.

Kids want lots of things. Often lots and lots of things if they watch much television at all, talk to friends at school and so forth. It’s the simple desire to have what they think others have.

The things that are needed are pretty easy to explain, but don’t assume children won’t be mentally adding in some of the things they want. The younger kids are, the more wants feel like needs. Just keep explaining that things they need are things they must have for life. Wants are the things that are more fun to have.

Keeping to a Budget

We all know how little fun it is to keep to a budget much of the time. It’s work, especially if the budget is a tight one.

You have a few ways to teach your child to keep to a budget. Giving an allowance is one way. It helps if you expect parts of the allowance to be used in certain ways.

The requirements you give will vary by your child’s age. Younger kids you might only expect to put some of the money into savings or give some to a charity or your church. Older kids might be expected to include paying for school lunches. Still older kids could be expected to budget for their clothes, cell phone and other items that you’ve been paying for.

Obviously, the allowance should be increased depending on what you expect your child to budget for.

Just how challenging you make budgeting for your child depends on what you think your child is ready for. You don’t want to make a child budget for school lunches if he or she has never dealt with a budget before. But the more you can teach your child to do well on a budget, the better the lesson.

You can do a lightweight version of this when shopping for clothes with your child if you don’t want to do it through an allowance. Give them a budget for the particular things they need to shop for at the time. Give them some motivation to do well, and help them to see that spending wisely means being able to buy more of what they want, or that they get to save money for something else.

Have Your Child Earn Money

You have many options for allowing your child to earn money. An allowance for chores is one way, but don’t forget to consider the possibility of teaching your child the value of running their own business.

This can be as simple as running a traditional lemonade stand or as current as helping your child to start a website and earning money online. Figure out what’s right for you and your child and put some effort into it.

There’s a lot of value in teaching your child to run a business. It’s good for children to see being an entrepreneur as an option in life. It’s good for them to see that it doesn’t always work out. It’s good for them to learn the skills involved in running a business.

If you do let your child run an online business, you’ll probably have to keep most things in your name. Many companies won’t allow someone under 18 to have a contract with them. There are some things kids can do, such as making things to try to sell online, but it’s still likely going to require some parental supervision.

Letting your child earn his or her own money is an amazing lesson, especially for children who aren’t old enough for most jobs. They learn what it takes to earn money. They may better understand why you say there isn’t enough money for this or that.

Encourage Savings

Do your best to help your children understand the importance of having some money saved up. They can save for larger purchases they want, for college, for that first car.

This is an important lesson even if your kids earn money on their own. Think of it as building the habit of not living paycheck to paycheck early on.

Exactly how you go about teaching your kids to be smart about money depends on your child’s personality and your own beliefs about money. But you can start them from a very early age and help them to be smart about it throughout their lives.

Being a stay at home mom, whether you work at home or have the raising your family as your only job is hard. A lot of people really won’t show you much appreciation, and there’s always someone to criticize your decision.

The same can be said for moms who work outside the home, of course.

Being told that your kids would be just fine if you put them in daycare is tough to hear, of course, and isn’t always true. So much depends on the quality of daycare that is available to you.

So what difference can you make to your family as a stay at home mom?

Money

The money issue can go both ways. Yes, many families have to cut back due to having just one income. It’s a big risk. You’re also likely limiting your retirement income if you aren’t working and saving for your retirement while you’re home with the kids.

On the other hand, daycare can be miserably expensive. Sometimes, by the time you take out the cost of daycare, the cost of commuting, cost of wardrobe, taxes and so forth, you’re actually saving money by not having a second income.

Which way your being at home impacts your family’s finances really depends on your likely income potential. If you know you’d be losing money by working outside the home, those naysayers have nothing to complain about!

There’s a risk to being a single income family, of course. That’s if layoffs come about. Losing one income is painful no matter whether one or both parents work, but if it’s the only income the situation may be a lot worse.

That’s a part of why I always recommend stay at home moms consider some form of working at home. It can be a job or a home business, but have some way to bring in a little money. Save it for retirement if you don’t really need it at the moment. But keep those skills up while doing something you love when you’re at home. You may not need to work now, but there are no guarantees for the future.

Your Relationship with Your Children

How you relate to your children can be different depending on whether you’re home all day with them or gone at a job. Either one can cause problems or make things better, depending on personal needs and personalities.

A mother who doesn’t want to stay at home, for example, probably shouldn’t. A miserable stay at home mom is going to have a harder time doing her best for her family.

What really matters is that you have ways to be there for your children when they need you. That goes for both mothers and fathers, regardless of where and if they work.

And of course some children need their parents more. This is especially true for younger children, although the option isn’t always there if the mother’s income is needed. As always, doing the best you can is generally good enough for your family. Perfection isn’t required.

Sad to say, an overprotective stay at home mom who never lets her kids do anything is going to cause as many problems for the working outside the home mom who is never there for her kids. Both are extremes; your typical stay at home mom isn’t excessively overprotective and your typical working outside the home mom will do everything she can to be there for her kids.

More Time for Activities

Stay at home moms do have a big advantage over working moms in being able to sign their kids up for whatever activities they’re interested in. It’s just easier to get them to the activities, whether it be sports, an art class, whatever.

Working moms can do it, but they have to be pickier about schedules.

Housekeeping

Yes, we all have to handle it. Working moms have more limited time for housekeeping, but stay at home moms have messes generated all day in their homes. Either way it can really add up.

In both cases, get the kids involved at age appropriate levels. Little kids love to help; older kids need to know how to do housework for their own good later in life as well as just having responsibilities now.

Don’t Let the Guilt Get You Down

All moms feel guilt. It’s just one of those things. No matter what we do there’s someone there to tell us we’re doing it wrong.

That’s okay. Remember that your own parents weren’t perfect. Hopefully their worst mistakes were forgivable and already forgiven. Do your best and your kids will hopefully do the same for you.