Suckers. Teaching it is hard, but eventually the kids know how to do it for you. Then it starts paying off… aside from hearing the kids complain about having to do whatever chores you assign them.

My intent is to have both of my daughters and my son learn the basics of running a household. Not just cooking and cleaning, but basic repairs and dealing with technology too.

My intent is to have both of my daughters and my son learn the basics of running a household.

This incompetence in basic skills is something I remember seeing in my fellow students when I lived in the dorms in college. It was amazing how many had never done a single load of laundry.

You want to teach chores at appropriate ages. My oldest can cook a little bit on the stove, and will be learning more soon. She’s finally tall enough to deal with the controls on the washer and dryer, so more laundry is about to be added to her list.

My son does some basic food heating in the microwave. He’s also puzzling out how to make PB&J sandwiches – the thickness of the peanut butter still gives him trouble.

The oldest two both do chores that involve sweeping, mopping and scrubbing. It takes a lot of supervision still, to make sure they don’t do a sloppy job then give up. But they do them.

The youngest is still too young for chores.

Division of Labor

In some ways, my husband and I have a pretty traditional division in labor, mostly because I work at home so I’m there to get things done all day. But any chore I ask him to do he can do well enough, and I’ve learned to not criticize when he loads the dishwasher differently from how I would do it unless there’s a genuine problem that would keep the dishes from getting clean. We go nontraditional in other ways.

I want my kids to know that they can handle whatever jobs around the house need doing, whether it’s traditionally “men’s work” or “women’s work”.

I want my kids to know that they can handle whatever jobs around the house need doing, whether it’s traditionally “men’s work” or “women’s work”. They can all be competent.

That’s why I make sure that while I’m more likely to do some chores, sometimes my husband does them, and vice versa. Who does which has much to do with preferences and who can get a particular job done better or faster, rather than traditional gender roles. I handle just about all the technology stuff, for example.

Important Skills

There are a lot of skills I want my kids to have by their mid-teens at the latest, so they’re well practiced by adulthood. They include cooking a variety of foods, following a recipe, basic repair sewing, using a hammer, using a screwdriver, painting a wall, emptying the trash, sweeping, mopping, knowing when basic car maintenance needs to be done, mowing a lawn, doing the laundry, living on a budget, and more.

You can’t assume that kids will go from living with you to living with a spouse who has all of these skills, so I call them necessary. Just think about time spent living in college dorms or apartments where they’re going to have to handle many of these things on their own.

Don’t Let Them Feign Incompetence

Learning that you have to do your share even when you aren’t in the mood is a great lesson.

Kids are great at pretending that they can’t handle various chores. They’ll call them too hard when they really just aren’t in the mood to do the work, even on chores they do regularly. They’ll also try to claim a new chore is too difficult when they aren’t in the mood to learn a new skill.

Don’t let them get away with it. Learning that you have to do your share even when you aren’t in the mood is a great lesson.

Don’t let them get away with doing a sloppy job on a chore you know they’re usually better at. Wanting to head out to play with friends or to play on the computer isn’t an excuse for sloppy work. I usually remind my kids that I don’t have to let them do fun things until their work is done. They don’t like that, but it usually gets them moving.

Related posts:

1. Summer is a Great Time to Teach Kids New Skills
2. Letting Kids Own Their Time
3. Motherhood Makes Life Interesting

1. Laundry.

It’s actually hard sometimes to reach the bottom of the washing machine to get all of the clothes out. Then there’s digging all the way into the dryer to get them out after they’ve dried. I actually found it easier when the weather was warmer to just hang clothes outside.

2. Scrubbing anything.

OK, so this was an unfavorite before I got pregnant too. I just don’t like scrubbing bathtubs, dirty dishes, floors or anything.

3. Picking things up off the floor.

Of course, I hate having things on the floor that don’t belong there even more. Too easy to trip. But as with the laundry, this whole bending over thing really doesn’t feel so good anymore.

Related posts:

1. Assigning Chores to Toddlers and Preschoolers
2. Living Through EternaLaundry
3. Still Waiting…

Worse, you probably feel guilty at times for focusing on work rather than on keeping a clean house. You’re home and you may feel like it’s a part of your job to keep that house clean. Traditional duty of the stay at home parent (especially moms) and all that.

But being at home should not mean that it all falls onto your shoulders. You need to look at what the appropriate divisions are.

The struggle often comes from it being unclear how you should divide the work up. If you feel like you aren’t contributing because your home business isn’t bringing in much money yet, you’re going to feel bad if the hours you work keep you away from keeping a perfect house. Yet you can be working long hours trying your best to make it work, and simply not have the time or the energy to do it all yourself.

I know I’m good at giving myself a guilt trip every time the house is a mess and I feel that I’m too busy to clean it up. Sometimes I think feeling guilty is simpler than feeling good about what I’ve achieved. After all, I can always compare myself to people who are doing better.

Somehow it seems to be easier for most of us to compare ourselves to those who do better than to recognize what we have achieved. There are all the things we dream about accomplishing, after all. Looking at what others have managed to do as we struggle along is just the way things go.

One thing all families should do is figure out who will be responsible for what. Working in or out of the home shouldn’t matter so much as the fact that one is working. That’s not always the reality of people’s expectations, but it’s a nice goal.

Get your spouse involved. Get the kids involved. Don’t let all the housework fall on one pair of shoulders.

Figure out what you will do at which times. Housework that needs to be done can be scheduled just like anything in your home business.

How well all of this works can tell you a lot about how supportive your spouse is of your working at home. If you both work a similar number of hours, yet you’re at home and expected to do a significantly larger chunk of the housework, you may need to have a talk to make sure that what you do is being taken seriously. Sometimes it’s not. Other times it will just be that your spouse hasn’t quite realized how much work you’re doing.

And if you’re earning enough and feel so inclined, hire a maid service to come once a week or so to do some of the heavy duty cleaning for you. This can be really helpful. If you’re earning enough it will be well worth the money. Sometimes it’s worth it even if you aren’t earning that much but need a break from feeling like you need to get that housework done.

Related posts:

1. Too Busy for Housework?
2. Feeling Isolated When You Work at Home
3. Separating Work from Home When you Work at Home

Don’t get me wrong. My husband’s wonderful. But if something doesn’t particularly interest him, he just won’t see it. On the other hand he’s a wonderful husband and excellent father.

Then there are times like this morning. He decided to go to the grocery store after taking our son to speech therapy. I mentioned he’s a good husband and father, right? He wanted to get a couple things there and I told him we were out of milk.

He couldn’t find the milk I usually get, which has a discount if you buy two gallons. He’s quite certain it wasn’t there, even though I’ve shown him it before, and it’s always in the same place. But hey, he bought milk, so the complaint is minimal.

He also decided to clean the kitchen today. Well, more precisely he loaded the dishwasher. I don’t think he has wiped down the countertops ever without being asked. Honestly. Not once.

Yes, I know it can be impressive that he sees the dishes in the sink, since some don’t even do that much. My tactic is simple. I let them pile up. Eventually he will want to use the sink, realize he can’t, and voila! I have a dishwasher being loaded by my husband.

I try not to let things get that bad too often. It’s not a situation I like. Good thing I know how to ask him to help out too.

I think he does better than average in some areas. He doesn’t too often ask me where something is when it’s right where it belongs, where it always is. But then it’s generally something he wants.

If it doesn’t particularly interest him, on comes the blindness! It ensures that I do most of the shopping so I know we’ll have enough food (and that it’s healthy!) and handle most of the cleaning unless I ask otherwise or company’s coming. Dirt and clutter are all but invisible any other time.

We’re fortunate in that I’ve always been good at finding things. It probably helps that I look behind and under stuff as necessary. If neither of us can find it, well, it’s time to blame the house gnomes.

As of yet, there is no cure for male pattern blindness, but any researchers out there would have the encouragement of millions of wives.

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