Home with the Kids Blog » kids

One Project That Took a bit More Time Than Planned

Stephanie — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 16:32:56 +0000

We finished quite a project here recently. Just barely made the deadline, in fact, and there’s still some extras that need doing.

It was a truly exhausting project to deal with, more than I had expected it to be, but oh, so fun!

We entered California Virtual Academy’s Winterland of Gingerbread event. As I expected, my daughter was pretty ambitious with her ideas for her gingerbread house. Can’t say I discouraged it that much, other than to make sure it wasn’t more than I thought we could handle.

It was closer to too much than I like to think, though. I’d never baked gingerbread before. Made “gingerbread” houses with the kids before, but I always cheated and used graham crackers. Much, much easier!

Still, I think the trouble was worth the results. She was one of four kids in her category to win a prize.

I’m still dealing with the aftermath, in the form of helping my son finish his significantly smaller gingerbread house. Didn’t seem fair to let one kid make a gingerbread house and not the other. At least he isn’t trying to win something – he just wants to have fun and sneak bits of candy as he builds.

Letting Kids Own Their Time

Stephanie — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 14:52:15 +0000

I’m like a lot of parents in that I usually nag my kids to get the things done that they’re supposed to. They’re kids, they dawdle, sometimes to an amazing degree. It’s exhausting and frustrating telling them over and over to get their work done.

Frankly, it’s usually not a great use of my time either.

Now that I’m homeschooling my oldest, having her work without being constantly reminded to keep on task is very important to me. Telling her over and over to get back to work frustrates both of us and makes for a difficult day. I’ve had to learn a new skill. I’ve had to learn to tell her that her time is her own.

This isn’t easy to do. Reminding her to keep going is such a habit and comes so naturally that keeping my mouth shut while she goofs off on an assignment is hard.

When I notice a lot of goofing off now, I tell her that it’s her business if she wants to be stuck at her desk all day. Her time is her own and if that’s all she cares to do, that’s her choice.

Usually she speeds right up. Other times, it turns out that she was procrastinating on a question she needed to ask. Obviously I’m still going to help her with things she doesn’t understand, and she’s learning to come to me more quickly.

It’s working pretty well. We’re getting her school work done in less time and with much less frustration.

This works with chores too, if there’s something to motivate them to keep moving. Chores are a bit more difficult because it’s so easy to play in the same way they would be if there were no chores at all to do. Days that you have something to do after chores are done it’s a bit easier to push the motivation to get things done without asking over and over again.

I’ve always had a preference for natural consequences with kids. In teaching them to manage their own time, I look for times when they’ll miss out on something if they don’t keep on task.

Sometimes it’s being allowed to stay up for a special show on television on a non-school night. Other times it’s an outing or going out to play with friends.

What I really love is that even when they get hit with the consequence, it’s less stressful for me. Maybe my kids don’t whine enough when they miss out on something because they didn’t do something else, but I usually find it much less stressful to let them deal with it. They do know that protests of “it’s not fair!” don’t get too far when it’s their own choices that created the problem.

My work benefits from the kids managing their own time too. I can focus more on the things I really need to get done, whether it’s housework or online work. It’s nice having everyone get things done sooner so we can have more time to do other stuff on our own or as a family.

How Childproof Is Your Home Office?

Stephanie — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:09:17 +0000

One of the biggest disadvantages to working at home has to be coping with the kids. It’s one of the biggest advantages too, but that’s beside the point just now. I’m talking about the times that you just don’t want the kids underfoot.

Especially if toddlers are involved. Home offices and computers in particular need to be protected from toddlers! They may not be able to accidentally download a virus yet, but the damage they can do just by randomly pounding keys is nothing short of amazing.

A childproofed office makes it easier to be productive. You don’t have to worry as much if the kids come in while you’re working, and you may be able to keep them out entirely. The challenge is making it childproof in the first place.

Close the Door

If your home office has a door, closing it is one of the simplest steps you can take to childproofing your work area. Younger kids can’t open it and older kids can be taught not to go into your home office without permission or need.

If you don’t have a door, you’ll need to do a lot more childproofing. Realistically, even with a door you’ll probably want to take more childproofing steps for those times one of the kids gets in there.

Establish Rules About Your Working Hours

If you’re working when the kids are awake, you’re going to need some rules about when they can interrupt you. Younger kids will need simpler rules, and if you’re the only adult in the house when you’re working you need to expect some interruptions.

As kids get older they get better at entertaining themselves and can deal with stricter rules. Tell them they can only interrupt you for emergencies.

Protect Your Computer

The computer is a major asset to most home businesses. It’s not just the value of the machine. It’s all the information on it. You really don’t want the kids messing with it.

If you have toddlers around, make sure they can’t play with the buttons on the front of the computer itself. I’ve gone so far as to cover them with cardboard when I’ve had a computer in reach of a child. The power button in particular often has pretty lights on or near it that draw a toddler’s attention and makes the button irresistible.

You’ll also need to protect your mouse and keyboard. It’s amazing what a toddler can do by pounding on a keyboard, and sometimes it’s hard to undo what they’ve done.

You can also protect your computer from toddlers by setting a password so that you have to login when you’ve been away for a period of time. Choose the time wisely so it doesn’t drive you nuts when you’re using the computer.

If your kids are allowed to use your business computer, set up rules that will protect your computer. Require approval on downloads. Be in the room whenever possible when your kids are using the computer. Talk to them at age appropriate levels about the hazards of the internet.

Not just for kids, but to protect your computer from the hazards of being a computer you will need antivirus and antispyware software installed on it.

Keep Cords and Outlets Safe

Kids find cords fascinating. Outlets are pretty neat too. You don’t want them messing around with either.

Most times they won’t get hurt. I’ve had kids unplug things on me, and it’s just a distraction, not a danger. But you don’t want your kids messing with cords, wrapping them around their necks, chewing on them as they teethe, you get the idea.

Find a cord organizer that works for you. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, just something to keep the bulk of the cords out of the reach of children.

As for outlets, simple outlet covers do a pretty good job. You can buy covers that protect outlets while still allowing items to remain plugged in.

Know Your Noise Limits

Sometimes the amount of noise your kids make while you’re working doesn’t matter. Other times it’s a big deal.

Buy a noise cancelling headset for your phone for those times that you can’t have background noise on a call. They’re affordable and a big help when you don’t want background noises to make it on the call. They may not get everything if the kids are being particularly loud, but they’re a big help.

Noise can also be a distraction that makes it harder to be productive. Talk to your family about how much noise you’re comfortable with when you’re working in your office.

My Favorite Distractions

Stephanie — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 14:38:37 +0000

Since I posted the other day about being told I work too much, today I thought I would share my favorite distractions, in order of how distracting they are.

Distraction #1

Looks so sweet and innocent, doesn’t she? She’s also great at keeping productivity a long ways away, any time she’s awake and sometimes when she’s supposed to be asleep.

I have to make an effort to keep her away from my desk, or she will rearrange my desktop rather thoroughly. I mean both the top of my physical desk and the desktop of my computer monitor, of course. Keyboard and mouse have to be pushed out of her reach and my chair, well…

That’s the only thing that works, turning the chair on it’s side. I can push it into another room and she will push it back to the computer desk, get on it and start playing.

Distractions 2 & 3

This pair ties because they kind of know when to leave me alone to work… kind of. That and they’re wonderful at playing together for long periods without too many arguments that need to be broken up.

Distraction #4

Yeah, my husband’s a troublemaker, all right. You may not be able to tell, but in the picture that’s a little gopher snake he caught in our backyard recently. He caught it after our oldest spotted it and we needed to be sure that it wasn’t a rattlesnake. After a few pics, we let it go. May it enjoy a long life and catch many gophers and other pests.

So my dear husband has some good points. I don’t mind nonpoisonous snakes, but better him than me in checking to see which is wandering around out there.

Actually, his distractions are usually pretty good too.

Fortunately for all these guys, I know how to let them distract me. It’s frustrating to be distracted at times, but I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for them.

Don’t Let Your Kids Be Incompetent in Basic Life Skills

Stephanie — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 15:13:59 +0000

One of the things I enjoy doing with my kids is teaching them basic life skills. It seems like a lot of parents skip some of the basics with their kids these days, because it’s easier to do it yourself than to teach it.

Suckers. Teaching it is hard, but eventually the kids know how to do it for you. Then it starts paying off… aside from hearing the kids complain about having to do whatever chores you assign them.

My intent is to have both of my daughters and my son learn the basics of running a household. Not just cooking and cleaning, but basic repairs and dealing with technology too.

My intent is to have both of my daughters and my son learn the basics of running a household.

This incompetence in basic skills is something I remember seeing in my fellow students when I lived in the dorms in college. It was amazing how many had never done a single load of laundry.

You want to teach chores at appropriate ages. My oldest can cook a little bit on the stove, and will be learning more soon. She’s finally tall enough to deal with the controls on the washer and dryer, so more laundry is about to be added to her list.

My son does some basic food heating in the microwave. He’s also puzzling out how to make PB&J sandwiches – the thickness of the peanut butter still gives him trouble.

The oldest two both do chores that involve sweeping, mopping and scrubbing. It takes a lot of supervision still, to make sure they don’t do a sloppy job then give up. But they do them.

The youngest is still too young for chores.

Division of Labor

In some ways, my husband and I have a pretty traditional division in labor, mostly because I work at home so I’m there to get things done all day. But any chore I ask him to do he can do well enough, and I’ve learned to not criticize when he loads the dishwasher differently from how I would do it unless there’s a genuine problem that would keep the dishes from getting clean. We go nontraditional in other ways.

I want my kids to know that they can handle whatever jobs around the house need doing, whether it’s traditionally “men’s work” or “women’s work”.

I want my kids to know that they can handle whatever jobs around the house need doing, whether it’s traditionally “men’s work” or “women’s work”. They can all be competent.

That’s why I make sure that while I’m more likely to do some chores, sometimes my husband does them, and vice versa. Who does which has much to do with preferences and who can get a particular job done better or faster, rather than traditional gender roles. I handle just about all the technology stuff, for example.

Important Skills

There are a lot of skills I want my kids to have by their mid-teens at the latest, so they’re well practiced by adulthood. They include cooking a variety of foods, following a recipe, basic repair sewing, using a hammer, using a screwdriver, painting a wall, emptying the trash, sweeping, mopping, knowing when basic car maintenance needs to be done, mowing a lawn, doing the laundry, living on a budget, and more.

You can’t assume that kids will go from living with you to living with a spouse who has all of these skills, so I call them necessary. Just think about time spent living in college dorms or apartments where they’re going to have to handle many of these things on their own.

Don’t Let Them Feign Incompetence

Learning that you have to do your share even when you aren’t in the mood is a great lesson.

Kids are great at pretending that they can’t handle various chores. They’ll call them too hard when they really just aren’t in the mood to do the work, even on chores they do regularly. They’ll also try to claim a new chore is too difficult when they aren’t in the mood to learn a new skill.

Don’t let them get away with it. Learning that you have to do your share even when you aren’t in the mood is a great lesson.

Don’t let them get away with doing a sloppy job on a chore you know they’re usually better at. Wanting to head out to play with friends or to play on the computer isn’t an excuse for sloppy work. I usually remind my kids that I don’t have to let them do fun things until their work is done. They don’t like that, but it usually gets them moving.

7 Ways to Ensure Your Kids Have Bad Money Habits

Stephanie — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:34:52 +0000

Good money habits don’t come from nowhere. They have to be learned. But many parents don’t take enough time to teach their kids how to be smart about their money. Neither do most schools.

Good financial habits are a help lifelong. Not only will it help your kids to manage their money better if you teach them good habits, it will decrease the odds that they’ll keep coming to you for loans when they’re adults. Not that you can’t help out when there’s true need, but it’s nice to know they have the skills to only ask when there really is need.

Not bothering to teach them now is so much easier at the moment, though!

1. Use credit cards when you want it but can’t afford it.

Who cares that a new widescreen TV doesn’t fit in the budget? You have a credit card, and that TV would look great with the new entertainment center. Buy it now!

If this is the kind of example you set for your kids, why would you expect them to do any different when they’re old enough to have credit cards? They need that example of saving up for wants, and knowing the difference between wants and needs if they’re going to be smart about money.

2. Don’t talk about credit.

Credit cards are for fun, right? Kids don’t need to understand the finer details of how they work!

There’s a huge advantage in teaching kids as much as you can about credit cards and credit scores. A good credit score helps to get lower interest rates on major purchases such as cars and homes. It’s a huge advantage for them to understand how credit scores effect them when they reach that point in life.

At the same time, don’t teach them that having debt is a good thing. There are better ways of maintaining a credit score than by carrying a load of debt on a credit card.

3. Don’t save for a rainy day.

Rainy day, schmainy day. Why save up an emergency fund when there are so many things you could be buying instead?

Saving for a rainy day can be hard if your budget is tight, but it can keep you away from the credit cards when unexpected expenses pop up.

4. Never talk about finances.

Your kids don’t need to know anything about family finances, whether they’re good or bad, right? They’re just kids!

It always amazes me how much kids can understand about the family’s financial situation. While you don’t need to stress them with your money problems, letting them know about monthly bills, how to save when you go shopping, and in general how to manage money is a good idea.

5. Don’t encourage them to save money.

When your kids get an allowance, let them spend it as they please. They’ll figure out the rest eventually, right?

Kids love spending money. Many will spend all they have in one spot if they’re given the chance.

If you want them to learn to save, help them find a goal to save for. When they’re younger, it could be a particular toy. One of my daughters right now is saving up for a harp, and a basic, student-level harp runs about $400. It will take her a while, but she’s determined.

6. Don’t have them work for money, ever.

There’s a lot of back and forth about whether allowances should be earned or given. It’s a parenting choice, and you no doubt have your own thoughts on the matter.

But if you don’t want your kids to understand about money, just give them what they ask for, whenever. Don’t worry about why they want it or if they need what they’re asking for.

Having them do chores either for an allowance or for extra money can be a good teaching tool. So can having them run a little business, whether it’s the classic lemonade stand or babysitting younger kids in the neighborhood.

7. Never teach kids to make a budget.

Kids don’t have much money that they have to spend, so why bother with teaching them budgeting skills? They won’t need that skill for years!

That’s the key, right there. Eventually we all need budgeting skills. It’s not just about saving up for a goal. It’s about wise use of the money they have.

You can start by having the kids help with the family budget, or just a part of it. Go over grocery bills with them, and have them help you figure out how to manage it wisely. Take them grocery shopping with you so they can see how fast it all adds up.

How Do You Manage the Mess?

Stephanie — Thu, 13 May 2010 14:50:24 +0000

It amazes me how fast a house can get messy. We clean the house up for company to come over, and shortly thereafter it’s a mess again.

Mostly that’s due to having three young children. Kids just love to play, and that means messes happen. It just takes a moment to forget to ask that they clean up after themselves and the mess just increases from there.

Keeping the house clean is one of the challenges work at home moms deal with. They’re at home, and that means that right or wrong there’s this expectation that they have the time for housework too, and so their house should be nearly spotless. If only it were that simple!

I don’t keep a perfect house. Matter of fact sometimes the mess comes close to driving me crazy because no one cleans without me reminding them, or so it seems much of the time. But I do have some tips to keep things up at least somewhat respectably.

1. Don’t Stress the Mess

Some mess isn’t so bad. If the house is clean enough that you won’t be too embarrassed to let the kids have a friend over, it’s probably not that bad. Depending on how easily you embarrass about house clutter and chaos, that is.

So often my oldest has had a friend over and I’ll feel a bit bad about how the house looks, but their mom comments that her house is about the same or doesn’t say anything. That many people don’t keep a perfect house is something you can learn by visiting your children’s friend’s parents when the kids go to play.

You want things clean enough to be healthy and safe. That doesn’t take perfect, dust free surfaces and constant scrubbing.

2. Get the Kids Cleaning

Kids can start cleaning pretty young. My oldest two are regularly assigned to empty the dishwasher, clear the table, sweep and mop the kitchen floor, clean two of the bathrooms and their own rooms. Plus toy general pickup, of course. Laundry assistance will soon be added to the oldest’s list

It takes time to teach kids to do a new chore correctly, and it’s harder than doing it yourself. I often have to help them get the sweeping or mopping done correctly, but they improve over time and eventually they won’t need help at all.

All other adults living in the home should be helping to clean as well.

3. Quick Cleaning Spurts

You may not have time to really get into the details of cleaning your home every day, but you can probably spare 5-15 minutes here and there to get some work done. That’s time enough to load and unload the dishwasher. Time to sweep or vacuum one room. Time to pick up some clutter.

4. Declutter

One of the biggest sources of messy homes after children is clutter. If you have a lot of stuff, it’s harder to keep it all clean. Simple as that. Take some time and get rid of the stuff you don’t need, and organize the rest.

5. Decide If You Can Afford a Cleaning Service

A cleaning service can work wonders for getting all the cleaning done that is so hard to get to. You still have to have your house generally tidy for them, but they’ll take care of cleaning surfaces, sweeping, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, stuff like that. It can be really nice to have someone else scrub down your bathroom for you.

You don’t need to keep your home absolutely perfect. Most of us don’t manage that. Clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy is more fun than perfection.

Are You Teaching Your Children to Be Smart About Money?

Stephanie — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 15:30:08 +0000

Most parents have to be careful with their money. Raising a family isn’t cheap. Even when you have a good income, it pays to know where your money is going?

Are you teaching your kids the same thing?

Even when money is tight it’s easy to want to give your kids everything they want. Doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea, just that it’s something easy to do. But kids don’t need everything that they want.

There are a few aspects to being smart about money.

Want vs. Need

Teaching your kids to understand the difference between wanting and needing is a vital step to take. It’s something you can teach even when you’re giving them something just because they want it. That doesn’t make it an easy lesson to learn.

Kids want lots of things. Often lots and lots of things if they watch much television at all, talk to friends at school and so forth. It’s the simple desire to have what they think others have.

The things that are needed are pretty easy to explain, but don’t assume children won’t be mentally adding in some of the things they want. The younger kids are, the more wants feel like needs. Just keep explaining that things they need are things they must have for life. Wants are the things that are more fun to have.

Keeping to a Budget

We all know how little fun it is to keep to a budget much of the time. It’s work, especially if the budget is a tight one.

You have a few ways to teach your child to keep to a budget. Giving an allowance is one way. It helps if you expect parts of the allowance to be used in certain ways.

The requirements you give will vary by your child’s age. Younger kids you might only expect to put some of the money into savings or give some to a charity or your church. Older kids might be expected to include paying for school lunches. Still older kids could be expected to budget for their clothes, cell phone and other items that you’ve been paying for.

Obviously, the allowance should be increased depending on what you expect your child to budget for.

Just how challenging you make budgeting for your child depends on what you think your child is ready for. You don’t want to make a child budget for school lunches if he or she has never dealt with a budget before. But the more you can teach your child to do well on a budget, the better the lesson.

You can do a lightweight version of this when shopping for clothes with your child if you don’t want to do it through an allowance. Give them a budget for the particular things they need to shop for at the time. Give them some motivation to do well, and help them to see that spending wisely means being able to buy more of what they want, or that they get to save money for something else.

Have Your Child Earn Money

You have many options for allowing your child to earn money. An allowance for chores is one way, but don’t forget to consider the possibility of teaching your child the value of running their own business.

This can be as simple as running a traditional lemonade stand or as current as helping your child to start a website and earning money online. Figure out what’s right for you and your child and put some effort into it.

There’s a lot of value in teaching your child to run a business. It’s good for children to see being an entrepreneur as an option in life. It’s good for them to see that it doesn’t always work out. It’s good for them to learn the skills involved in running a business.

If you do let your child run an online business, you’ll probably have to keep most things in your name. Many companies won’t allow someone under 18 to have a contract with them. There are some things kids can do, such as making things to try to sell online, but it’s still likely going to require some parental supervision.

Letting your child earn his or her own money is an amazing lesson, especially for children who aren’t old enough for most jobs. They learn what it takes to earn money. They may better understand why you say there isn’t enough money for this or that.

Encourage Savings

Do your best to help your children understand the importance of having some money saved up. They can save for larger purchases they want, for college, for that first car.

This is an important lesson even if your kids earn money on their own. Think of it as building the habit of not living paycheck to paycheck early on.

Exactly how you go about teaching your kids to be smart about money depends on your child’s personality and your own beliefs about money. But you can start them from a very early age and help them to be smart about it throughout their lives.

Motherhood Makes Life Interesting

Stephanie — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:11:30 +0000

If there is one thing that changed my life more than any other thing, it would have to be becoming a mother. This won’t surprise anyone who has had children. Being a stay at home mom really emphasizes the challenges. Thank goodness for the rewards.

Children change your life. Not just in the ways you expect, such as having to get up at night to feed the baby, watching him or her grow, spending money on the many things kids need, and so forth. They change your life in ways that if you weren’t a parent would probably drive you crazy. That’s just kids.

It will be years before you take your privacy for granted, even in the bathroom. Little kids won’t stand for it most of the time. You’re behind that door and they’re going to find out what you’re doing. Then they’ll tell you all about their latest imaginary adventure or what’s happening on their favorite show that they’ve watched more times than you can stand.

You’ll also discover how fascinating potty talk can be when you’re potty training your child. Not only will you talk freely about bodily functions to your child, but to other parents as well. And they’ll even get excited about it with you.

If you changed your name when you got married, that change of identity is nothing compared to the change when you become your child’s Mommy. That’s how you’ll be identified by your’s child’s friends and many of their parents for years to come.

Perfectly clean home? You mean for more than a few minutes while the kids are awake? Not likely! Some days it seems like kids just have to look in a room to make it into a disaster area.

Perfect hair, makeup and clothes? You’re begging for the baby to get sick, aren’t you? Probably just as you’re ready to head out of the house.

How about a sick day? Check your temperature, because you must be feverish. Sick or no, the kids need to be taken care of, and if it’s mommy they’re used to, it’s mommy they will try to get even if daddy is home.

On the plus side, there are few things as wonderful as being snuggled by your child. It doesn’t matter if you both had a really rough day. Kids can make it up to you with one quick hug. And if that doesn’t get your energy back up at the end of the day, have a little chocolate, a hot bath or another indulgence after your kids are in bed.

I make no promises as to how this all works in the teen years. That’s an entirely different game.

The Secret Earnings of the Stay at Home Mom

Stephanie — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:12:38 +0000

One of the troubles with being a stay at home mom is that you don’t earn any money for what you’re doing. If you need an income while you stay at home you have to find a work at home job or a home business to start, and that takes away from your time being a mom. That’s not a bad thing, just that you’ll have more things to balance in your life.

But just because you aren’t earning money doesn’t mean that you aren’t getting something in return.

No, I don’t mean frustration, although parenthood in general brings frustration with it quite often. It’s not an easy job, no matter whether you work outside the home or stay at home and focus entirely on what your family needs. Most kids are far from being perfect angels all the time.

In many ways the pay a stay at home mom gets is the same one all mothers get – the love and affection their children can bestow. The stay at home mom is just a bit luckier in that she has more time for it to happen.

It can’t be taxed. It can’t be spent. But you can save those earnings in your heart.

The love you earn from your family is what helps you get through the hard times, when the children aren’t listening, when you feel unappreciated, when things just aren’t going right. A quick hug and a kiss can make a lot of problems fade away. The problems may come back, but you’ll have a reminder of why it’s all worth it.

That doesn’t mean that staying at home isn’t an adjustment from working. It is. The kind of feedback you get is entirely different.

In either case people will probably feel freer to tell you that you’ve messed up than you’ve done a great job, though!

Teach yourself to see the feedback you get as a stay at home mom and teach your family to give it. If you want your children to show you gratitude, show it to them and tell them when they need to express it. If you want affection, give affection. Children are amazing mimics, so the more positive things you show them, the more you will get in return.

It’s both frustrating and fascinating. Frustrating because you will see all your little bad habits being echoed. Fascinating because you’ll see all the good too. If you want to earn the most affection from your kids, show them lots of it. It’ll pay you back most times.

And yes, there are times when kids try to hide what they feel. They go through phases where showing their parents affection is an awkward thing. But just watch them and you’ll know you still matter.