One of the more difficult things to do as a stay at home mom is to find time to get out without the kids tagging along, especially when they’re younger. It’s bad enough the rest of the year, but when the holiday season comes and you want to get presents for the kids without them catching you at it, things can get pretty difficult. How can you handle all that shopping when you need to watch the kids?

These are just a few of the ways I handle things. It’s not always easy to get time on my own, but something is usually possible eventually.

Shop Online

This one should be obvious these days, but it’s not always easy to keep kids from peeking over your shoulder, nor is it always a replacement for going out and actually seeing the things you want to buy. When you’ve got just a little time and privacy, it’s one of the easiest. Great selection, shipping free from many sites, this stuff can be good.

Amazon is a common favorite because they carry such an amazing range of things. I also have a deep fondness for ThinkGeek. I’d imagine you have your own favorites too.

Shop During School Hours

If the kids go to school and you have a few hours without them, it’s a great time to get your holiday shopping done. It means watching the clock a little, but that’s not usually a major problem.

Have Someone Else Watch the Kids

I love this option. Usually it’s my husband or a grandparent watching the kids to give me time out for holiday shopping. Grandparents are particularly useful if my husband and I want to go out shopping together. It’s fun picking things out with someone else to talk to, after all.

If you don’t have family nearby, see about trading off with friends. Surely you know someone else who has a hard time getting out to shop because of their kids. Make a deal which benefits you both.

Remember Toddlers Don’t Really Understand Everything

I do a lot of my holiday shopping with my toddler in tow, even if it’s for her. I can show her things, even put them into the cart and buy them, and know that by the time I give them to her, she’ll be excited all over again. She also doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to spoil any surprises for her siblings.

Shop Later

One of the presents my kids ask for most often is that I take them shopping after the holidays or a birthday. They love that a big part of their present is time out with me or their father, whoever they pick. A budget is set, the kinds of things I’ll be willing to buy explained, and off we go. Usually there’s ice cream or a movie involved as well. It’s fun and it ensures that whatever is bought is what that child wanted.

I try to make this one on one time, but it can be done with siblings along if desired. Just make it a little extra special.

Being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you don’t have a boss or a hectic schedule. Even little babies are very demanding about their needs, and the older they get, the more likely they are to need you to run around to suit their schedules. Life as a stay at home mom can be crazy and exhausting.

It’s not all bad, of course. There’s a reason why most of us do this stuff.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when a trip to the grocery store alone is considered a break. No kids demanding your attention or bursting into tears at inconvenient moments. No demands for the truck cart. Just you and the groceries and a crowd of mostly other adults. It’s almost restful.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when you understand how taking care of kids and a house can take all day, then some. It’s amazing how fast messes happen when you’re there all day.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when you rarely get to use the bathroom in peace, anywhere. Toddlers just don’t get closed doors. Matter of fact, lots of older kids don’t get closed doors if they have a question for you.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when everyone assumes you have enough time to make home cooked meals, but sometimes clingy children make it impossible. Who knows when will be the best time to start cooking? You may adore your crockpot at times.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when reactions to what you do range from admiration to calling you lazy or worse.

You know when you’re a stay at home mom when you make it all work financially. Coupons, frugal living, a bit of work at home, you do what it takes.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when staying up late or getting up early is the one time of day you can relax without the kids underfoot at home. You take what “me” time you can get.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when the only reason you know the day of the week is because you need to know whether or not to send the kids to school or if your husband will be home for the day.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when you know far too much about your children’s favorite television shows. All of them.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when you know exactly what caused that strange stain on the wall. You’re just not sure how a toddler threw food that high.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when your exercise routine consists of lifting your children and carrying them around. At least the weight increases as they grow!

You know you’re a stay at home mom when it’s hard to remember how to have a conversation with other adults that doesn’t revolve around your kids. You may need more time to focus on some of your own interests, if the kids will give you enough peace for that.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when you start to enjoy your toddler’s favorite music.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when your work continues no matter how sick you are. And it’s probably worse because the kids either caught it from you or gave it to you.

You know you’re a stay at home mom when, despite all the problems and challenges, you’re grateful to be a stay at home mom.

The choice to be a stay at home mom often occurs during pregnancy, when your child is born or when they’re young. It’s a time you know that you’re needed by them as a mom. But what about as they get older? Will it then be time to head back into the workforce.

Maybe. Maybe not.

I’m not one to say all moms should be stay at home moms as long as kids are growing up. I’ll leave that to Dr. Laura. But I will encourage moms to really think about how long they should keep being at home.

There’s much to be said for continuing to be a stay at home mom even through the teen years, as I hope to do. Kids don’t need you in the same way when they’re teens as they did as babies and young children, but they do need you.

Being at home with them means that you have the chance to get to know all their friends. You get to know what they enjoy doing. You get to continue guiding them in their choices.

You can do all of that as a working mom, of course. It takes more effort, especially if your schedule isn’t cooperating, but it can be done. The stay at home mom simply has the simpler way to manage all of that.

Even so, there are a lot of factors to consider.

How Are You Feeling About Staying at Home Longer?

I’ve always said being a stay at home mom isn’t for everyone. Neither is being a long term stay at home mom. It’s a lot of work and despite how some feel, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do other things with your life as well.

A mom who is miserable staying at home may not be as good for her kids as one who is happy working outside the home. You don’t really want to be showing your kids that it’s okay for mom to be miserable in her lifestyle. I feel that you can still make your children a solid priority even if you aren’t a stay at home mom.

My own ideal is to keep doing interesting work while being at home with my kids. That’s why I have my own business, for example. I’m able to fulfill that ambitious part of me without giving up too much time with my family. How could I resist that?

My solution isn’t everyone’s solution, of course.

One of the wonderful things about kids getting older is that you can think about if you really need to be home all the time. When they’re in school, you certainly have the choice to do something other than wait for them to come home. It might be a hobby, it might be a part time job, it might be a business, it might be saying “wow, the house is quiet…” although you’ll probably get over that last one.

How Are the Finances?

Most families make a big financial sacrifice when a parent decides to stay at home. It’s not cheap. As the kids get older it might be time to rethink the finances and decide if the sacrifices are really worth it.

You still have the choices of a stay at home job or a home business, but if you’re doing one or both and not bringing in enough money, you may be considering something outside the home. Or you may be saying “I can finally get enough hours in now that the kids are in school!”

You should be paying attention to your finances even if you aren’t struggling, of course. You don’t need to be bringing in enough money to pay for huge family vacations every year, but you should be doing well enough that you don’t struggle with debt.

What About Your Retirement?

I think about this one a lot, as my income isn’t such that I can readily save for retirement. Being a stay at home mom means you’re probably not contributing significantly to your own retirement plan. Not a problem now, but in the future?

It’s much harder to save for retirement when you’re a stay at home mom. When you have a job, you can have money taken out for retirement before it ever hits your bank account. Saving as a stay at home mom means planning for it.

If you don’t have a way to save for retirement, start thinking about one. It’s never too early to get a start. You may need to talk to a financial professional.

Remember that you’re the one who will be most affected by how much you save for retirement.

How Will the Kids Feel About You Returning to Work?

You’ll naturally be concerned about how your kids feel about you returning to work. They’ll often be a little concerned, especially if you’ve always been there for them.

Sometimes you’ll have to return to work even if the kids don’t like the idea. If your family needs the money to get by, that’s the most important part. If you’re going back to work more for your own satisfaction, you can talk to your kids about that. Be honest with them. Kids love having happy parents.

Some children have more need of their parents than others. If there are genuine problems that mean you need to stay home, that’s a big factor to consider. There are times that it is necessary to sacrifice your personal goals. That’s not going to be true for many families, but if there’s more of a need for you to be home, don’t forget about it even as the kids get older.

Don’t be at all surprised if your feelings about whether you should continue on as a stay at home mom becomes mixed as your kids get older. That’s normal. There’s so much of an expectation that moms will go back to work that it’s hard to go another path. But if continuing to stay at home is right for you and your family, do it and be proud. If going back to work is the right choice, do it and be proud.

Keep doing what’s best for yourself and your family as a whole, and it’s probably going to be the right decision.

Whether you’ve been a stay at home mom for a while or are just starting out, this is one of those questions that can really hit you hard. Going down to a single income as a family is quite a tough choice in most cases. And in the current uncertain economy it can be even easier to feel guilty about not contributing to the family’s finances.

Directly, that is. As in earning money.

Indirectly, there’s plenty a stay at home mom can do. She is often the one to handle all the shopping and keeping track of all the bills. If you don’t think that has an impact on the family finances, think again.

Your first consideration is always how the family will manage to get by with one income rather than two. Sometimes the answer is quite surprising. Depending on what you earn, by the time taxes and the costs of wardrobe, eating out, childcare and so forth come out, you aren’t bringing that much home. Sometimes it can easily be made up for; other times it will take more planning.

If having one parent stay at home is going to be a huge sacrifice for your family, take a look at what can be cut. Don’t start with the grocery bill. Just because you have to buy food every week doesn’t mean it’s the most important bill.

Instead, start with your regular bills and figure out what can be cut. Cutting your cable plan down to basic can save you a nice chunk of money every month, and you probably won’t even miss most of the channels you drop. Decide if you really need both a landline telephone and a cell phone. Then decide if one or the other should be dropped.

Cutting those monthly expenses makes a lot of sense. It’s savings you won’t have to think about every time you go shopping.

But the biggest savings of all can be in paying down credit card debt.

Credit card debt, as a rule, is expensive. Much worse than paying for a mortgage. If you can get it paid down, your budget will have far more leeway, and that’s vital if you have only one income coming in.

You should also take some time to think about the things you spend money on, but really shouldn’t. A lot of people, for example, get new cell phones regularly, even though the old one is perfectly good. Same goes for televisions when they decide it’s time for a big screen unit. The list goes on and the numbers add up.

Get those other expenses in control as well as thinking about how you spend money at the grocery store. The broader your efforts the more you will save.

But What If You Want to Earn Money?

Of course, there’s nothing saying you absolutely cannot earn money as a stay at home mom. Many do, and despite how it can seem at times, not all work at home opportunities are scams. It’s just that there are so many scams out there it’s easy to get caught by one.

The trick to working at home is balancing that with the reasons you choose to be a stay at home mom in the first place. That is, as a rule, the kids.

I won’t lie to you. Working at home is tough, and sometimes it does limit what you can do. But what you don’t want is something that takes you from them every bit as much as working outside the home does. Kind of takes away the point of being a stay at home mom, after all.

Look for flexibility, and look for something you can love doing. Those two elements are key.

There are many factors to consider when looking at work at home opportunities. Job or business. How much do you want to be dealing with other people? Face to face, over the phone or over the internet?

Handling the “What Ifs”

There are a lot of what ifs that you should face if you want to be a stay at home mom. The biggest one is “What if the situation changes?”

“What if your husband loses his job?”

“What if the two of you separate or divorce?”

“What if a medical issue comes up?”

You do need to have a backup plan in case anything happens. Obviously you hope that none do, but life happens. Better to plan ahead than to be caught unawares.

This means keeping up your own job skills, whether or not you work at home. Having savings. Talking about how potential problems will be handled. Not panicking if something does happen.

You may never need your backup plans. But if you do, you will be very grateful to have some idea what to do to keep your family going. The middle of a crisis is a rotten time to have to figure all this out.

Being a stay at home mom has its own challenges. Just due to personality differences it’s not for everyone. But many learn to love it, and soon have trouble imagining doing anything else.

Being a stay at home mom is a delight in so many ways, but as the kids get older a lot of SAHMs want something more, perhaps even their old career back.

TLC contacted me about a show they’re doing for SAHMs in that position. You can check out this flyer about their new show. It sounds like it will be very exciting for those who get to participate, and you’ll be surprising a lot of people when they find out what you’re really up to!