Home with the Kids Newsletter April 26, 2005

The Editor's Desk - From Beneath the Clutter
Feature Article - Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?
What's happening on the discussion boards?
Guest Article - Dinner Table Drama
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The Editor's Desk - From Beneath the Clutter

I should be getting Gage's CT scan results any day now. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. I can hardly wait, even though I know they likely mean surgery. Just to have it done while it can be done in a minimally invasive way is so reassuring.

This week is off to a rough start. Someone broke into my car night before last, very neatly. They didn't punch the lock or break a window, so I'm guessing it was a slimjim, as the rubber along the bottom of the window is a little loose. They went through the glovebox and every other nook and cranny in the car. Fortunately, I don't keep anything valuable in the car, but just in case there was too much information, I canceled my credit card, and I'm getting credit reports now and in a few months. It's a lot of trouble, but if anything were to happen it could be well worth it.

My mother suggested that they could have been looking to see what unit I'm in, as they then could know when I'm gone. Since I work at home, that's a lot of watching. However, since I recently moved, I don't think there was anything in there saying what apartment I'm in.

I'm exhausted just from making all the calls to take care of this and dealing with Gage and Ariel. Gage had his vaccinations at a doctor's appointments today, so he's been fussy. At least the week should only get better now.

Don't forget, you can contribute your articles or tips anytime for consideration. Just use the contact form.

Feature Article

Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?

Here’s the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask “What’s wrong?”. But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep on saying “waaaaaaah!”.

You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yours to cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really want him to calm down now. But when he’s asked questions like “Is something hurting you?” or “Are you hungry?” he doesn’t answer. He just keeps on crying.

Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magic breakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, the frustration builds up within you. You just can’t get through to him. He’s just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build up in your ears. You want to help, but there’s this communication barrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but still your boy ain’t budging from his bawling.

So now what are you going to do?

What you’re dealing with here is an issue of communication. Communication between people is a very complex process involving language, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. All the more so with young children. Because of their young age and lack of education, development and experience in communicating themselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcome barriers in trying to express themselves.

You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:

not only your kids say what they think or feel but also...

you can understand them all the time.

You need to break down those barriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling your relationships with your kids. You can be a part of their lives in a very healthy and helpful way.

Would you believe that children who are actually good and well-meaning become “bad” children simply because they are frustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea? Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannot express it because they don’t know how.

So they do what they know. Like doing something around the house that’s not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their younger sibling’s hair, etc.

Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home? Probably not.

You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can go a long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers. Develop routines and habits with your children during those times when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come, you are already prepared for it. It works the same way as preventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes a problem.

On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in your mind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowing communication with your children. You and your children should be able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive way using words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and the like. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger is NOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result in the listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. This is especially true for when parents yell at their children.)

Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, and see what the results are:

Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay full attention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel that there is someone who is going to try to listen to them. This will cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible. Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often just whine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they are accustomed to doing so.
Prepare different options for the child to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You need to be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in the most unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenario with toy figures.
Make sure you are able to repeat to the child what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of the process because for the child this is the guaranteed confirmation that you understood the child’s expression.

Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying. Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reason she can’t say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand and brings her over to the art table where there is some paper and some big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down and starts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture: stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has his hand on the girl’s face. Mommy sees this and figures that the boy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this is so. Sally nods. “AHA!” thinks Mommy. “now I understand.....”

Joseph Browns, a father and creator of the site http://www.home-educational-toys.com wants to share his experiences and expertise in how parents can find valuable opportunities for quality time with children to acquire priceless family memories. A total environment approach is taken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-child relationships, environmental + interior design, health, communication skills, and child education. For a picture of myself come see http://www.home-educational-toys.com/about-us.html.

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Guest Article

Dinner Table Drama

It has been a long day. Home from work, you put together a nice, healthy dinner for the entire family to enjoy. Gathering the family around the table, you sit down to eat and within a minute, a voice pipes up, “I don’t like anything.” Encouraging, you say, “I’ve made some of your favorite foods and even put a couple new things on the table that I’m sure you will like if you just try. I really think if you will take one bite, you’ll love it.” The response, “No, I don’t want to eat because I don’t like it.”

If you think about the way in which food is perceived by adults and children, it is very different. For example, adults often use food for comfort or to celebrate a special occasion while children view food as food – a way to make a hungry tummy stop hurting. Therefore, if you have a child who begins to show signs of being a picky eater, remember that his or her body at that particular time may not need much food. When this situation first begins, offer encouragement but never force your child to clean his or her plate. In most cases, not making a big deal is the best course of action.

However, after a few weeks if you find that the picky eating behavior continues and even seems to be getting worse, you might need to intervene. At this time, it basically becomes a matter of teaching your child good eating habits. The problem is that many times, the child has already established him or herself as a picky eater and now, is not so sure changes are needed. Keep in mind that when a child first starts ignoring food, people are usually making a big fuss. Therefore, by the time appropriate changes are made, the child might have figured out that he or she has some control that was not known about before. With that, the teaching process becomes more of a struggle than a lesson.

It is also important to understand that children taste food differently than adults do. Physically, children have more sensitive taste buds. For that reason, hot or spicy foods that taste good to an adult may be unmanageable for a child. Children also avoid bitter foods often found in dark vegetables. With this, parents of a picky eater can choose recipes that would be better suited for the child. To help parents of picky eaters, we have written an amazing book called, “Help! There’s a Picky Eater in the House”.

In addition to featuring stories by other parents of picky eaters, this book is also loaded with informative chapters that include helpful strategies and 500 kid-friendly recipes the entire family can enjoy. You will learn ways to introduce foods that your child would love. As an example, picky eaters will generally try a food if it is similar to another type of food they already like. As an example, if your child likes nectarines, then peaches would be a good choice of new food to introduce. By using this tool, you can dramatically reduce or even eliminate dinner table drama while knowing your child is eating healthy foods!

Jason Katzenback is author of "Help There is a Picky Eater in The House" and father to what he claims were the ‘two pickiest eaters ever!’ --- Wanting to help cope with his dinner table dramas Jason decided to put together a resource full of proven strategies and recipes that is Guaranteed to help parents cope with their picky eaters successfully. http://www.pickyrecipes.com.

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