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The Editor's Desk - From Beneath the Clutter
Feature Article - Shop Safely - How to Protect Yourself When Shopping Online
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I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Ours went quite well, despite Gage's success at spoiling it for my oldest sister. She's pregnant. He came down with roseola, which can cause miscarriages, and had exposed one of my nieces who may not have had it as a baby, before we knew about it. I don't think my sister minded too much suddenly having to make her own plans, although there's no doubt it was quite the surprise. Apparently it was enough to worry my dad, though. He called to find out if Gage was okay, so I had to explain that for babies, roseola is a minor illness.
Other than having to scramble to get the drinks, which my oldest sister was to have brought, things went smoothly. It was a small gathering, and if we had realized beforehand that my mother's get-together and my mother-in-law's get-together were both going to be so small, we would have suggested consolidating them. Just one of those years where some of the regulars on each side couldn't attend.
Just because the holidays are upon us, I've tried writing a little Gift Guide. Feel free to send me any suggestions for things you think might be great gift ideas - I'm still playing around with it.
I'm having lots of fun right now getting back into using some old tools and trying new ones for marketing my websites. Honestly, I've always preferred to focus on content, but there comes a time where you have to pay attention to the whole picture.
Don't forget, you can contribute your articles or tips anytime for consideration. Just use the contact form.
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Stop Thinking.
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Online shopping offers many benefits that you won't find shopping in a brick and mortar store or by mail. The Internet is always open seven days a week and 24 hours a day. Internet-only deals and bargains can be numerous online. Shopping on the Internet is no less safe than shopping in a store or by mail. Keep the following tips in mind to help ensure that your online shopping experience is a safe one.
1. While Online Order Only On A Secure Server. Use a secure browser and shop only at websites that offer encryption protection. A protected website will have one or more of these three features: a) The small lock or key symbol at the bottom of your browser window; b) An address that starts with https ("s" for "secure") instead of just http; and c) A security warning box that pops up at the point of purchase.
Your browser should comply with industry security standards, such as Secure Sockets Layer (SSL). These standards scramble the purchase information you send over the Internet, helping to secure your transaction.
2. Pay The Safest Way. Use a credit card or Debit Card with a safe online shopping guarantee. Look for a card with specific guarantees, like 100% coverage for any losses due to fraud when shopping on the Internet. Many companies offer an online shopping guarantee that ensures you will not be held responsible for any unauthorized charges made online, and some cards may provide additional warranty, return and/or purchase protection benefits.
3. Protect Your Privacy. Look for and read a website's privacy and security policy. Stay clear of a website that either doesn't have one or does not guarantee your personal information will not be sold. This policy should disclose what information is being collected on the Web site and how that information is being used.
4. Know Who You're Dealing With. Research your merchant. Look at the ratings consumers give them and stay clear of websites that either aren't listed or receive poor marks. Shop with companies you know. Anyone can set up shop online under almost any name. If you're not familiar with a merchant, ask for a paper catalogue or brochure to get a better idea of their merchandise and services. Also, determine the company's refund and return policies before you place your order. These should be posted on the company's Web site.
5. Keep A Record. Print out a copy of your order and confirmation number for your records. Reputable merchants will usually send you an email confirming your order. However a hard copy is always good to have in case your order is lost, deleted or not delivered as promised.
6. Guard Your Online Password. Keep your password(s) private. Be creative when you establish a password, and never share your website passwords with anyone. Write them down and store them in a safe place. Avoid using a telephone number, birth date or a portion of your Social Security number. Instead, use a combination of numbers, letters and symbols. Do not use the same username and password at every website. Should your personal information be compromised, a thief won't get very far if you use different passwords and usernames on different websites. 7. Track Your Purchases. Use only one credit card to shop with online. This helps keep track of your online purchases during the holidays, and will make it easier to spot purchases that are fraudulent. Look for a card that allows you to review transactions online as well -- you'll be more likely to notice a problem early on.
8. Keep Personal Information Private. Don't enter more information at a merchant website than is absolutely necessary. There is usually no reason why you should have to supply information such as birth dates or Social Security numbers when making a purchase. Fill in only the bare essentials necessary to make your purchase. If you have children, teach them to check with you before giving out personal - or family - information online.
Clive Chansa writes for the Home Shopping Catalogues website at http://www.home-shopping-catalogues.org.uk/ and he's also a regular contributor to the Gift Ideas websites at: http://www.gift-ideas-uk.org.uk/
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I faced a challenge when we started a family: my husband, Bill, had no domestic skills. He wanted to share parenting. His flexible hours as an academic allowed him to help at home. But he could barely boil an egg.
Needless to say, our early experience was rocky. We persevered, however, and the fifty-fifty parenting arrangement we worked out with our first child made having our second baby much easier than it would have been otherwise. What follows are tips from our experience and from my reporting on the subject:
*Be sure it's what you want. Sharing parenting involves tradeoffs. As a mom, you don't always get to do things your way. You negotiate childcare issues a lot with your mate, which can be tedious. However you get a real partner and the kids get a hands-on dad. You also understand each other's lives better than when you operate in separate spheres.
*Take a stand. Women usually don't get a fifty-fifty deal unless they push for it. Parenting tasks can be tedious. Many men won't do them unless asked. In addition, women serve as gatekeepers for fathers' involvement; studies show that husbands take cues from their wives about how much to step in. Make clear what you want, see if he agrees, and if so, get out of the way.
*Don't take work as an excuse. Recently a new mom asked me, "If I stay at home with the kids and he works, should I expect him to help after hours?" Yes. After all, come evening you've both worked. Alternate parenting duties after hours so each person gets a break. But recognize that if he works 80 hours a week sharing parenting probably isn't an option. Parents who share duties usually have family-friendly careers.
*Be specific. I spent our first year parenting saying, "I need more help." Bill responded, "I want to help." And round and round we went. Finally I listed our domestic duties and we divided them up. Making the list was empowering. Finally all my minute tasks were visible to my partner. I also realized how much my husband was doing already.
*Create mom and dad duties. Often the obstacle to sharing parenting isn't the man in the house, but the toddler. The minute daddy takes over, the little one screams, "NO, I WANT MOMMY!" Kids thrive on routines so set duties can help with this. Make dad the bath guy and mom the bedtime reader. Don't intervene when your husband is in charge. And if junior hollers for dad when you're on duty? Don't judge yourself by your toddler's whims.
*Be flexible. Equal doesn't have to mean the same. Some couples thrive splitting childcare tasks down the middle. Others prefer to carve out separate spheres of responsibility. Either way works as long as each parent is free from meddling by the other.
*Train him. Nobody likes being told what to do. But if your husband is like mine, you have to train him. Show him how to make one simple kid's meal. Don't rescue him. You learned how to cook burning burgers too. And take heart, attitude is more important than aptitude. The difficult guy is the one who made the gourmet meals when you were dating and has refused to cook since.
*Air anger when necessary. The silent treatment doesn't work. I know. I've tried it. Having a tantrum, however, can be effective. I'm not proud of the one I had in a restaurant but it got my man's attention. Men can handle anger, but they're lousy at reading tea leaves. Better a few fights than resentment.
*Plan for baby number two. If you're having a second child, talk to your husband about the family's needs before the baby arrives. What worked or didn't the first time around? How can you do things differently? Get dad to start caring for your older child before the second arrives, by, say, getting your firstborn ready for school. Think small. What will need to be done? Who can do it best?
*Brag about sharing parenting. Boast to the women at the park. Praise your husband's parenting skills in front of others. A lot of people want to share parenting but lack role models. Your example can help. Bragging also recognizes shared parenting for what it is: a great accomplishment!
(c) 2005 Jennifer Bingham Hull. Reprint rights granted as long as the article is published in its entirety, including the resource box and live links in it.
Jennifer Bingham Hull is the award-winning author of Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life. To learn more, visit www.growingafamily.com, where you can also contact her to receive this "Life Beyond One" column regularly and sign up for her free newsletter.
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