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Feature Article - Parenting Tips: 7 questions to ask yourself to see whether you really listen to your child
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We've done it, Ariel's started school.
She said she was bored the first day. I think that's a reaction to the relative lack of freedom in kindergarten when compared to being at home or in preschool. It's all very different.
She lost her lunch box the second day. Actually, the first 3 days she lost or left behind items. Her lunch box finally turned up yesterday, though. She was very responsible and checked the lost and found on her own during her lunch time. It's right next to the lunch area, and since we had checked it the previous two school days, a very familiar place. Such a relief to have it turn up, because I really hate using disposable items all the time and had bought containers that we could reuse.
I think she's adjusting well now. Her latest claim is that it takes a few days to remember what they did in school (she's always been secretive about that for some reason), but I'm hoping to get her used to talking about her school day with me. Just a good habit.
On the other hand, Gage goes in for his first session of speech therapy today. I can hardly wait to see how that goes. It's going to be interesting having to get both kids to their appropriate classes. At least the schedules aren't too tight.
Even though talking to our children is really important, because that is how they learn, we need to be particularly mindful that we are also listening from their point of view. This is so important, because not only does it help develop their language and cognitive skills, but it is a wonderful way for our children's self-esteem to grow because they are being heard. Listening deeply to your child is one essential way to have a close and connected relationship with them.
To ensure that you are truly listening to your child ask yourself these seven questions:
1. Do you spend more time talking to your child rather than listening?
2. Do you finish their sentences for them?
3. Do you interrupt?
4. Do you plan what you are going to say before your child has finished?
5. Do you give your child the answer or solution rather than let them work it out for themselves?
6. Do you ask your child closed or open ended questions?
(Closed questions are ones to which you can answer a simple yes or no. Open ended questions do what they say - they open up the conversation.)
7. Do you ask yourself at the end of every day: "Have I really listened to my child today?"
If your answers to these questions have left you thinking that you need to listen to your children more, what a great step you are now able to take to ensure a loving closeness with your children and what an opportunity you will give them to boost their self-esteem. Their opinions and ideas will be heard and they will very much be a part of your family's decision making. Such a gift you will give!
If your answers to these questions left you thinking that you do listen to your children well - congratulations - you are giving your children a great start as they are able to express their feelings and thoughts and contribute to family discussion.
The bottom line is that listening deeply to our children is so important and once we as parents are aware of that, we can listen with our lips shut and with our hearts, to give our kids every opportunity to express who they really are.
Barbara Beccari is co-author of a beautiful children's picture book about respectful relationships. Barbara is co-founder of parentSCOPE, a parent-coaching business acknowledged for its innovation. parentSCOPE supports parents to have loving and close relationships with their children, from toddlers to teens. Check us out on http://www.parentscope.com.au to find out more.
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