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The Editor's Desk - From Beneath the Clutter
Feature Article - Stop the Mom Wars
What's happening on the discussion boards?
Guest Article - Natural Toys for Creative Play
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I hope you like the new look of the site. It was a pretty big redesign, but should really improve the load time of the pages.
I saw this great show on PBS Monday morning. It's called Kid Concoctions, and they have some amazing kid craft ideas. I wish Ariel were old enough, but the website says most projects are for ages 4-16, so I have a couple of years yet before she'll be ready. You can get The Ultimate Book of Kid Concoctions: More Than 65 Wacky, Wild & Crazy Concoctions book at Amazon, which sounds like a great deal to me if you're on the lookout for projects to do with your kids. You can get some great project ideas just from watching the show too.
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You’ve heard the arguments, and maybe even been involved in a few yourself. You know the type: “Staying at home with your kids is better!” “I can give my children a better life by working outside the home!” “You’re neglecting your children!”
Now, it seems like no matter what we do as parents, people find a reason to tell you that you’re doing terrible things to your children, that they won’t grow up healthy, social… you know the drill. But what we all need to face is that there are different circumstances for every family.
I don’t know of any stay at home mom who condemns a single mother for working outside the home; after all, she has little choice in most cases. However, it is not uncommon to hear a married, working mother criticized for “leaving the upbringing of her children to others,” by sending them to daycare.
My perspective on the matter is that not all mothers are suited for the stay at home life. Being an at-home parent is not an easy thing, even if you don’t have a home job or business.
When you want to criticize another mother for not staying home with her children, remind yourself that a happy parent is far better for children than an unhappy one. If someone would be miserable staying at home, even with a job, even if they could telecommute from their current job, keeping all benefits, that is not a fault. It can be an honest assessment of their own interest and abilities.
No doubt you’ve faced criticism for being a stay at home parent. If you have a home business, people say you’ll never make money doing that. If you don’t have a work at home job or business, then they say you’re lazy. We all know that isn’t true. The hard part is defending yourself without attacking the other mother’s choices. The simplest answer you can give is that you have the privilege to be there at all times for your children.
Much of these problems between working outside the home and stay at home mothers come in some sense from envy. How often do working moms wish for more time with their families? How often do stay at home moms wish their skills would be acknowledged? It’s easy to idealize what the other person has.
Remember, the best thing you can do for your family, whether you stay at home or work outside the home, is to maintain a balance that is healthy for your family. Moms who work outside the home need to commit much of their off-work time to their families, while stay at home moms need to remember to take care of themselves as well as their families. There is nothing inherently wrong with either decision. It’s time to stop giving each other guilt trips.
Stephanie Foster is the owner of Home with the Kids, a resource that knows that there's more to staying home with your family than just business. From money saving tips to parenting and marriage tips, to work at home jobs and businesses, you can get information and support here. You can visit the site at http://www.homewiththekids.com.
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Think back for a moment to your childhood. What was your favorite thing to play? What did you pretend for hours on end? When parents are asked this question, almost without exception we discover that our favorite play scenarios were those we created out of our imaginations. We were mommies feeding babies, superheroes with a towel-turned-cape, explorers of our backyards. Grandparents often say they played with what little play materials they had. A simple cloth was a baby blanket, a parachute flyer, and a costume all in one.
Today’s children have toys far more detailed and sophisticated. However, a growing number of psychologists and child development specialists are advocating for a return to the “natural” play of yesteryear. Why? Because it requires imagination.
In this age of high-tech toys, children frequently push a button and are entertained by watching play happen, not by actively creating it themselves. The toys construction determines how it will be played with. The natural play that is thought to be more appropriate encourages children to create a play scenario out of their own imagination. Play materials are unstructured so the child must creatively “complete” the toy. Play materials are also multi-purpose, meaning that one toy can be turned into lots of different things. For example, blocks made of tree branches can be used to create unique structures not possible with traditional square blocks. Cloths and silks can be turned into capes, aprons, and rivers. Dolls with simple features allow the child to decide if the baby is laughing, crying or sleeping.
Recent research is supporting this more natural approach to play. There is some evidence that children who play with open-ended toys are better at solving divergent problems (problems where there is more than one answer). These children were shown to think beyond the objects in what we call “out-of-the-box” thinking.1
Many parents who practice natural or holistic parenting are taking the lead in bringing back this type of play to childhood. More and more parents are seeing the value of and true developmental need for free creative play. Many parents are now choosing unstructured toys made of natural materials over battery-operated plastic toys. And with new books such as Einstein Never Used Flash Cards, many parents are questioning the push for early academics and are enrolling their children in play-based preschools.
So, again, think about your favorite memories of playing as a child. Who were you? What did you become? The imagination that transformed you into someone else or into another place has proven again to truly be a cornerstone of childhood. It seems that although we have the technology to create high-tech toys, it’s the natural play with natural play things that truly inspires the magic that is childhood.
1Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, PhD & Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, Einstein Never Used Flash Cards. (Rodale, 2003)
Dana Johnson, MSW is a former children’s mental health therapist. She owns Three Sisters Toys specializing in natural, open-ended and Waldorf-inspired toys for children. You may view her website at http://www.threesisterstoys.com
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