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The Editor's Desk - From Beneath the Clutter
Feature Article - Quiet time for parents
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Guest Article - To the mom I saw at the gas station this
morning,
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I'm feeling much more caught up these days. Life was so hectic for a while there, but it's getting better now. It'll get tough again soon, though; we still have to move before the end of the year. We're looking at a place that's coming available at the end of October, so the apartment hunting might not be so difficult after all. About the only things that would change our minds is being rejected (highly unlikely) or if Brent were to get a job too far from the apartment (moderately probable). We'd be living right by my younger sister, her husband and their two daughters, which is just about ideal in terms of our kids getting to play together.
I've been working on getting a fine jewelry website up and running. As you can tell from the link, it's going well enough now for me to start sharing it a little. I still have lots of writing to do for it, and yes, I do consider it to be a higher priority for me than splitting the newsletter, but I still intend to accomplish that by the end of the year too.
Can you believe I've been doing this newsletter for almost a year? September 23, 2003 was the first edition. Nothing special planned for the anniversary, unfortunately. I had hoped to do something, but I've had no time to get anything ready. But keep an eye on me next year. You never know....
Don't forget, you can contribute your articles or tips anytime for consideration. Just use the contact form.
OK, so that title sounds like a pipe dream for a lot of parents. You're probably busy taking care of your children all day, and if they're too small for school you don't get that break. But there are still ways to get some quiet time.
One way is to have your spouse take the kids for a day. If your spouse works outside the home while you stay home with the kids, that doesn't mean you deserve a seven day workweek every week. Come to an agreement about when you can have time for yourself. The amount and frequency will of necessity depend on the hours your spouse works. If your spouse or significant other is working two jobs to keep you home with the kids, you can't expect him to give up his one day off too often so you can go relax. Keep it fair to both of you.
If that simply cannot work for you, no matter the reason, try making arrangements with a friend. Trade babysitting in the middle of the day if you're both at home. The kids will get to play with each other, and you'll get a break without spending money on a sitter. Make sure you do the same for your friend. You may also be able to make arrangements with family members.
Another option is to take time after the kids are all in bed and asleep. Even a half hour soaking in a bubble bath can work wonders for frayed nerves. Set up your bath in whatever way you find to be most relaxing - candles, music, books, etc.
Sometimes, of course, the need for time for yourself will hit in the middle of the day when no one is available to help. What you do then will depend on the age of your children.
If you have an infant, there just isn't too much you can do. If they've been crying enough to get to you, you may have to walk out of the room for a few minutes, but make sure the room is a safe one first and do not go far. Take a few deep breaths and relax.
If you find that isn't working, it may be time for a change of scenery with your infant. Go for a walk, sit in the back yard, just get out of the house for a while. You may not even have to drive to find a better place to enjoy your infant. Just remember, they are infants for a short time only, and while it may be dragging now, it will later seem to have flown by. Enjoy it as best you can.
As children become toddlers, it becomes more difficult in some ways to get quiet time when you just need a break. You have to create a much safer area for them to play and ensure they stay there. For some children, their bedroom is simply ideal for this situation. A childproofed bedroom with some special toys can keep a toddler busy for some time.
Older children, can, of course, be sent outside to play when you need a break, weather permitting. It's not only a good breather for you as a parent, it gets them away from the TV and video games and into some exercise. How much you need to supervise them will of course depend on their ages and your comfort level.
It may not take a huge break from your children to make you feel much better and more relaxed. If the stress of parenting is getting to you, take some time for yourself, get relaxed and think about why you are getting stressed. You might just come up with a solution for your family.
Stephanie Foster is the owner of Home with the Kids, a resource that knows that there's more to staying home with your family than just business. For more stay at home tips, visit the site at http://www.homewiththekids.com/ and subscribe to the free newsletter.
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I was parked at the gas pump behind you, minding my own business, filling my tank, probably sharing your annoyment with the escalating gas prices we are all dealing with today. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw you hang up your gas pump, and walk into the gas station. It wasn’t until I heard your baby crying that I gave it a second thought.
Okay, maybe she wasn’t technically a baby. My guess would be about 2.5 years old? Old enough to realize she was alone in your car, and old enough to get herself into trouble.
Not old enough to protect herself from a stranger, or any other dangers that she might encounter.
This is no small gas station. Your car was not parked close to the door, where you could safely watch her out a window, and come to her aid in a matter of seconds. Your car windows were down, where anyone could have reached in, or your child could have possibly even gotten out on her own. Maybe you left the windows down for her because it was hot outside? But by doing so, you left her exposed to other possible dangers.
Although I was already late for work, when I finished pumping my guess, I sat in my car and kept my eye on her until I saw you walking back to your car.
There’s that old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child". Today, I felt like it was my turn to help with this child, to be part of the "village", even if it was as subtle as just watching from a distance to ensure her safety for a mere 5 minutes out of my day.
Maybe you were late for work also, and it was quicker for you to run in without having to pull her out of the car to go with you. Maybe you are a stay-at-home mom who is overwhelmed with caring for your children, and walking into a gas station alone is the only break that you can sneak in. Maybe your child was sick, and you didn’t want her to spread her germs to other children. Maybe she had a temper tantrum, and you needed a "time-out" before dealing with her. There are a million other reasons why you might have chosen to do this today, but are any of them important enough to take this kind of risk? You are not a terrible mother. And I am not judging you. I am just hoping to to get you to think twice before making this choice again.
Most likely, you are just like the rest of us - you read about tragedy in the newspaper and see it on the evening news, but you think it will never happen to you or your family.
Unfortunately, it CAN happen to you. It can happen to your own child, your family, your friends, or your neighbors. Please don’t ever again make the assumption that your young child will be safe when you leave her alone, in an open vehicle, with strangers & their cars all around. How would you feel if something did happen? If your car was stolen while your child was in it, would your reason for leaving her in the car be important enough after the fact?
That’s a guilt that no mother should have to live with.
Below are some websites that you may want to read today:
- National SAFE KIDS Campaign: Heat/Entrapment
http://www.safekids.org/tier2_rl.cfm?folder_id=980
- Kids In Cars
http://www.kidsincars.org/
- Kids And Cars
http://www.kidsandcars.org/
You are not alone.... Unfortunately, all kinds of parents do this all the time; yet when discussing this among our peers, nobody admits that they do this. That's because we know it's wrong to do.
Watch around you as you go about running your errands, chauffeuring your children around, commuting to and from work....You'll see it happen, probably quite often. Many times, you'll even see the parent looking around, with a guilty expression, to make sure nobody is noticing. Yes, we know it's wrong. But many of us still do it... Children are our most precious cargo, but in an instant, they become an inconvenience that gets left behind in the car to save a few seconds of time.
When you observe another frazzled parent making this same mistake, it will
be your turn to step in and provide a watchful eye for a few moments out of
your day. You could also print out a few copies of this information sheet
to share with other parents:
http://www.kidsandcars.org/English
NEFAM flyer.pdf
Together, we can spread the word about the dangers of leaving young children unattended in cars. A gentle reminder might be all that other mom or dad needs today. You may help prevent a future tragedy for an innocent child.
----------------------------------------------------
Valerie Zilinsky of Michigan is a mother of four...... two children, the
family dog, and her biggest kid of all - her husband. She is also the proud
co-owner of both http://www.RaisingOurKids.com
and http://www.Mom2MomList.com. You
can contact her at mailto:valerie@raisingourkids.com
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