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The Editor's Desk - From Beneath the Clutter
Feature Article - Holiday Heart and Soul
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Guest Article - It's Okay To Negotiate - REALLY!
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Well, we are finally officially moving into the new apartment next week. This means no newsletter next week, as my computer may well not be unpacked by then. It's no fun moving right after Christmas, but that's when the apartment is available.
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Well the Holidays are officially here! What a joyous season. I love hearing the upbeat melodies of Christmas music playing over every sound system and the bright lights and cheery colors that adorn stores, homes and workstations. Christmas is truly a special time of year to celebrate those we love and just being alive! These are blessings that are all gifts from our precious Heavenly Father.
I know that many, many families are trying to embrace heartfelt traditions once again at Christmastime and escape the frenzy created during the Holidays. It is a struggle isn't it? But we can do it and our families will be so much richer internally for it.
I, personally, have found a few ways to achieve this goal (even though I am still working on it) One of those ways is to remind my children of what the true meaning of Christmas is. My little three year old says she loves Christmas because "I get presents!" What a ripe time for me to teach her that's not what it's all about. I told her that Christmas is more than just getting presents and putting up a tree with decorations as fun as those things may be - it's truly about Jesus being born and coming to earth to save our sins. It's about sharing that love that he showed us - with those we hold dear in our hearts.
I am also trying to start getting more educational toys and other items such as things for their rooms or clothing items to mix in with a few toys at Christmas. I want my children to enjoy being children but I also want them to learn, grow, and appreciate the other things in their lives as well.
We started making a popcorn garland last year. Something I hadn't done since I was young and even then I only did it once or twice. This helps us sit down as a family, embrace an old tradition and talk and laugh while creating something beautiful together. It slows us down.
I start playing Christmas music in November. One month is just too short of a time to enjoy all that beautiful Christmas music! This also puts me in the mood to start getting organized so I don't feel stressed and hurried at the last minute.
I hope you and your family can find your own ways to truly enjoy and embrace all the magic the Holiday season can offer your heart and soul. There is so much meaning that can be gathered at this time of year. Don't hurry through it.
And on behalf of my family, and me I pray that God will draw closer to your heart this coming year filling you with love. I hope for everyone good health, special friends, and a joy to live life and help others.
Dionna Sanchez celebrates Christmas with her family from their home in Idaho. Visit her Emphasis On Moms website to get encouragement for your heart at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/
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Sarah is a young woman who attended one of my sales negotiation training programs shortly after taking a new job. When I asked her how she did with her salary negotiation, she replied, "Well, I didn't negotiate. I was offered $44,000 and I took it. "Why didn't you negotiate?" I asked. "Because I didn't want to start off my new job on the wrong foot" she replied.
Donald works for a small weekly newspaper. He likes his job and his employer, Jeanne. He doesn't get paid much, but he likes his work. His only problem is that he's being asked to shoulder an increasingly large share of the responsibilities around the office. If there's a late-breaking story that has to be covered or a page that has to be laid out again, the job always seems to fall in Donald's lap. He feels he is being taken advantage of; everyone knows they can rely on "good old Donald." But he's afraid that if he speaks his mind, he may jeopardize the cordial relationship he enjoys with Jeanne. So he bites the bullet and never broaches the subject. "There are a lot worse jobs out there," he rationalizes.
Bill, a participant in one of my negotiation training seminars, told us of an old, rust-eaten vehicle that he had advertised for $1,300, never dreaming he'd get it. A young man (we'll call him Paul) came to see the car, and he and Bill immediately established a good rapport. They talked about sports and hobbies and the atmosphere could hardly have been more cordial. When the discussion turned to the car, Bill readied himself for a negotiation. Instead, Paul just said, "Well, you're a nice guy so I guess I can buy it for $1,300."
What is going on here? Why are so many people reluctant to negotiate? Fear. But what are they afraid of? It's not a fear of losing. By not negotiating they have already lost all they can. So what is it that so many people are afraid of?
Sarah is afraid of making a bad impression. Donald is afraid of upsetting the applecart. Paul is afraid of looking like a bad guy.
When You Negotiate You Don't Make a Bad Impression, You Earn Respect
Tough bargaining actually earns respect. A friend of mine is an manager who interviews and hires a lot of people. He told me a story once about a woman he was about to hire for a middle-level management position. He was fairly certain she was his top choice but he said that he couldn't be certain until he had discussed salary with her. "Why?" I asked.
"Because I want to see how she handles the salary negotiation. I'll have serious doubts about her if she just takes what I offer. If she doesn't think enough of herself to push me at least a little, she probably isn't the best person for the job."
"So you don't get annoyed when people negotiate salary with you?" "Not at all. On the contrary, it indicates a self-assurance and confidence that I value very highly in our employees."
There we have it, right from the mouth of someone who hires lots of people. Whether we're negotiating with an employer, a landlord, or anyone else, we've been brainwashed into believing that if we stand up and bargain for ourselves we'll make enemies, make a bad impression and ruin any chance of getting along.
Well, all those awful things will not come to pass. It simply isn't true that we'll make enemies by negotiating. As my friend the manager showed us, negotiating for ourselves doesn't reflect badly on us in the least. All it reflects is a sense of self-worth and a positive approach toward life.
Also keep this in mind: First impressions die hard. Once we've been tagged as patsies, it can be awfully hard to shake the label. The more firmly entrenched we get in the role of a patsy, the harder it becomes for us to break out and stand up for ourselves.
Negotiating Ethically But Firmly Will Not Injure A Relationship
Donald at the newspaper stopped himself from negotiating with Jeanne because he was afraid of upsetting the applecart. He had a good rapport with his boss, and he was afraid he'd really disrupt it if he suddenly changed his style and began asserting his own needs. For her part, Jeanne probably reinforced his fear by continuously talking about "team effort" and how wonderful it was that "we're just one big happy family."
If you find yourself in a like predicament, try to step back and put it all in perspective. Are you really out to wreck this person's world? No. Do you really want to upset the whole applecart? No. All you want are the apples you deserve. The other person, of course, may try to "guilt-peddle" you into thinking that you are upsetting the whole applecart, hoping to make you retreat from your position. Don't pay any mind. Stand firm. Once you clearly establish that you're not backing off, the other person will have to negotiate with you. The nature of your relationship may change as they realize you're no longer a pushover, but the change will be a positive one. The end result will be a relationship based on mutual respect, not one-sided manipulation.
Fear of Being The Bad Guy
If Paul could've brought himself to say, "That's a little more than I was looking to pay for a car," Bill surely would've come down from $1,300. Why did Paul leave himself no chance of shaving some bucks off the price? He was afraid of switching hats, that is, of exchanging the nice white hat of friendly banter for what he saw as the black hat of give-and-take bargaining.
Nonsense. Bill was expecting a negotiation. Of course, it is a really good idea to build a positive relationship at the start of any negotiation. Once that is done, however, it is normal to move into hard bargaining. Hard bargaining can and should be conducted in a friendly manner but it is still hard bargaining and it is fully appropriate.
So Lets Negotiate - Only Good Things Will Happen If You Do
When we play a game like tennis or chess, we play to win, and if we succeed, we don't make an enemy in the process. The same is true of negotiation. We're out to meet our needs and we give it all we've got, but when it's over, that's it. As long as we keep it friendly and don't pull out any dirty tricks, there's no reason in the world that a negotiation should engender any bad feelings or result in any ongoing enmity. So go for it. You're merely attempting to fulfill your own legitimate needs.
(c) Michael Schatzki - 2004. All rights reserved.
Michael Schatzki is a master negotiator who, for over 20 years, has provided sales negotiation training and coaching for thousands of people in the U.S. and globally. More than 75% of Mike's programs are for satisfied, repeat customers. The Negotiation Dynamics(r) system really works. Check out all of Mike's articles at http://www.NegotiationDynamics.com Mike can be reached at (888) 766-3530.
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