Last Updated January 9th, 2018

Work at Home Ad Translator

Work at Home Ad Translator

Have you ever wondered what some of the more common phrases in scammy work at home ads really mean? If you took most of them literally, you’d expect the entire world to be rich, just from the sheer lack of effort made in various home businesses. I’ve created this work at home ad translator to interpret what many of these ads really mean… or at least how I see them.

Some scammy work at home ads can be very similar to legitimate work at home ads. That has always been a part of the challenge. Sometimes you have to take a look at the awful scams out there and mock them.

Sarcasm ahead.

No Selling Required!

It’s not selling if you just tell everyone you meet that it’s a great product, right? Your family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, random people you meet on the street, kids, neighbor’s dog and so forth should be grateful that you take the time to tell them about these wonderful products. They will beat a path to your door if you do so.

No Experience Required

That’s right, no experience required, and you’re not going to get much in the way of experience here. Unless you count the life experience of losing money to a scam. That’s worth something, right?

Make Money Doing Online Surveys

You don’t mind that most will pay in pennies or points, do you? Very few online surveys will be worth your time, although a few will pay well.

Free Money Making Website

Free website that we offer to all our suckers… err, members. Hope you don’t mind that it looks like every other member’s website. And just wait until you see our upsells!

Earn Money In Your Sleep

Not going to happen until you’ve put in a ton of effort. You might even lose some sleep over it. You’re certainly going to lose money.

Free Trial

Just give us your credit card information. Your trial will be up before you know it. Is our product easy to cancel? Just wait and see. Our helpful customer service department will try everything to keep you from canceling.

Get Paid To Type

All you have to do is type in ads to convince other people to fall for the same scam! It’s easy. You deserve to make the money you lost to us back somehow right?

Act Now! Only X Y Slots Open!

We don’t care that we can allow as many people as we want to download our electronic product. Matter of fact, we’ve done that already. But if you think we’re limiting our sales you might forget to do your due diligence. So hurry up, will ya?

Earn Money On Autopilot

Rather like earning money while you sleep. It can happen, but it’s not going to be as fast or as easy for most people as the ad claims… and it might not happen at all. The odds of it happening with this particular product are probably worse than trying to earn money on autopilot by building your own business.

No Limit To Your Earnings

Um, you do know that includes a lower limit, right? You’re as likely to earn nothing as something, not to mention the money you’ll lose trying this.

(Google) (Twitter) (Other Popular Site) Will Pay You $x,xxx Per Month!

If you follow our instructions, you might manage to waste a lot of time, lose some money advertising, not to mention paying us and have next to nothing for it. Sometimes we don’t even know who we’re pretending will be paying you. We trust you not to notice the mixups.

You Can Be A Secret Shopper!!!

While there are legitimate secret shopper opportunities out there, look out for the scams. Anyone who tells you to deposit a check in your account and wire part back to them is running a scam.

Join The Next Billion Dollar Industry

Yep. That’s right. We’re creating a new industry and it’s going to make a billlllion dollars! Join us. One of us! One of us! We’re totally trustworthy and our products are the most awesome ever.

Make Money On Social Media

Desperately post ads on social media and watch as your family and friends start to hide your posts and you get blocked from every Facebook group you try this on.

Make Money Posting Ads

Annoy every site you ever visit by posting ads in the comments. It’s a great business model, trust us! Don’t worry about how many people will report you and get you banned from all kinds of sites. You’ll earn plenty, honest!

Send $$ To Get A List Of Legitimate Work At Home Jobs

You can probably find this same information for free online. It may take more research, but your results will be better once you know what you’re doing than if you pay some random person who posted an ad.

As Seen On…

We bought an ad there once. We’re not exactly welcome back.

Email Me For More Information

If I posted here what the opportunity is, you’d call it out as a scam. This way I get your email address. You’ll never get rid of me now!

I hope this work at home ad translator helps you read though any of the scammy work at home ads you find. What common phrases do you see in work at home ads that need to be translated?

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post may be 'affiliate links.' This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.

Last Updated November 11th, 2017

How To Distract Your Cats When You Work At Home

How To Distract Your Cats When You Work At Home

When it comes to work at home distractions, cats can rank right up there with kids. An affectionate cat may not settle for a mere lap – they want your keyboard, or maybe that spot right in front of your monitor. It can be very necessary to distract your cats when you work at home.

Closing your home office door isn’t always enough, either. Cats find closed doors quite intriguing. They’ll scratch or meow at it enough to be a distraction for you as you try to work. They don’t necessarily want in; they just want that door open so they have the option.

I have four cats here. Three are completely loyal to me, and it’s common to have all four in and out of my office as I work. If I don’t have things set up, they walk across my desk, across me, use me for a scratching post (gently), or sit on my head and chair headrest. That last gets a bit awkward, but it’s kind of funny too.

Set Up A Cat Trap (Bed)

Setting up a place for the cats to sleep in my office that isn’t on me or my desk is one of my most effective techniques. Give them a comfortable place to sleep, and cats probably will. Cats love to sleep, so it’s the perfect way to distract your cats.

We have a sherpa blanket from Costco that we joke is the perfect cat trap. My cats cannot walk across it without stopping to purr and knead. I just plunk it on my futon and let it attract the cats. It’s absurdly effective.

I also keep a small blanket on an out of the way corner of my desk, for those cats who need to be close. It’s not as nice as the sherpa blanket, but sometimes a cat will pick it.

Alternatively, put a piece of paper on the ground. Cats can’t resist that for some reason. They may not stay long, but they will sit on the paper.

sleepy cats

Give Them A View

If the cat trap doesn’t work, an open window blind might. Cats love to have a view.

At the very least, make it easy for them to get to the window through the blinds. I usually have to open them or the cats will work noisily at getting past them, or come complain to me that they can’t. They love watching the birds and lizards outside, as well as glaring at evil interlopers, such as stray cats or a dog walking by. One of my cats even growls at the mailman.

If the weather is suitable, cats are even happier if you open the window so they can smell the world outside. That doesn’t work so well in hot or cold weather, but it’s great on mild days.

Keep Their Toys Out Of Your Home Office

Just as with children’s toys, you’re best off keeping your home office clear of cat toys. Cat toys aren’t usually all that loud, but the cats can get quite active playing with them, and it’s a distraction.

Instead, keep a good supply of cat toys elsewhere. We have these little mouse toys with feathers that the cats all utterly adore. We used to get them at Walmart, but these days Amazon is our only choice. The feathers and the fur make all the difference in comparison to other mouse toys, which my cats completely ignore.

Beware that one cat who must display her “kill” to you. My cat Melody has to go around the house when she catches a toy, meowing loudly to announce her kill. We haven’t been able to teach her that it’s rude to talk with her mouth full.

Set Up A Cat Tree In Another Room

Cats love to get up high. A nice tall cat tree in another room will encourage them to go there for their climbing and scratching needs.

It won’t be entirely effective, most likely. One of my cats likes to scratch (gently) on my jeans for attention, while another likes to see how far up the back of my office chair he can stretch. But it helps.

melody and river

Have More Than One Cat

I always get cats in pairs. They’ll bother you less when they have a friend to play with. This is easiest to do when you initially adopt the cats, but it is possible to work a new cat into a household. If possible, have a friend be the one to carry the cat into the house – your cats might blame the friend rather than you for the interloper.

Get A Fish Tank To Distract Your Cats

We call our fish tank “cat TV.” The cats love to watch the fish and are eternally convinced that they will someday catch that algae eater. He’s their favorite target. Fish are a great way to distract your cats and to get a few laughs watching the cats trying to get the fish. We put tape sticky side up on top of the tank to keep the cats off.

cat tv

Let Them Storm The Castle

My cats have inherited a popup castle from my kids. They play in it far more than the kids ever did. The only hard part is keeping the castle standing. One of the cats is named Storm, so there are always jokes about Storm in the castle. It makes a great place for the cats to wrestle each other.

Have fun, Storm in the castle

Play With Them When You Aren’t Working

Get your cats used to playing with you when you aren’t trying to work. My son’s cat (she chose him, she’s the only cat not loyal to me here), demands her playtime with him every evening around nine or so. She goes to her murder hole (the space between the seats on our couch recliner) and waits for his fingers to appear so she can attack. It’s utterly adorable watching her wait for him to notice her, and then attack. It looks ferocious, but it’s gentle.

Few things will distract your cats completely when you work at home, short of closing your office door, and even that can be only so effective at keeping them quiet. You can, however, make it easier for them to choose to be out of your way. Most of them will also generate endless cute moments with your cats, which you can always enjoy.

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post may be 'affiliate links.' This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.

Last Updated November 18th, 2009

Cat vs. Policeman Writing a Ticket

I came across this on Discovery News and it was too cute to resist sharing here. The cat is just too sweet and demanding of attention, making it incredibly difficult for the officer to do his job.

I know a cat almost that sweet in my neighborhood, except she doesn’t climb people. But she doescome running for attention every time she sees people walking, even across the street. Drives her owners nuts because she’s not so bright about cars.

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post may be 'affiliate links.' This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.

Last Updated October 13th, 2009

Halloween Means My Daughter is Thinking of Christmas

Never let it be said my daughter isn’t imaginative. She’s working on her Christmas wish list already, and it was really hard keeping a straight face as she asked me how to spell various things.

Here’s what she wants so far:

  1. Goldfish with everything I need to take care of it.
  2. Harp
  3. Baby Alive Girl
  4. Cat
  5. Dog
  6. Lizard
  7. Dress
  8. Swing set
  9. 2 mice in a cage
  10. 2 bunnies
  11. Horse
  12. 200 pearls
  13. Candy
  14. Fairies

There’s a story behind that last one, and she means she wants real fairies, not dolls. At a Renaissance Faire back when my daughter was 4 a troll gave her an iridescent marble and told her it was a fairy egg, and to take good care of it so that it would hatch.

Obviously, it never has.

My daughter has decided that she needs some real fairies to come help her with it, so that maybe it will finally hatch. Since she can’t find any on her own, she wants them for Christmas.

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post may be 'affiliate links.' This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.

Last Updated September 15th, 2009

The Putting the Kids to Bed Drinking Game

Some nights getting the kids to bed isn’t easy. They’re bright eyed and bushy tailed when you’re ready for them to get to bed. This has lead to me and my husband joking about a drinking game for getting the kids to bed.

Standard drinking game rules, except you can’t take a drink until the kids are actually asleep.

Child gets up for drink – Take one drink.

Asks for other parent – Take one drink.

Gets up to go potty – Take one drink.

Gets up to go potty but doesn’t do anything there – Take 2 drinks.

Asks for an extra story – Take one drink.

Asks for same story as the night before – Take 2 drinks.

Complains: “I’m too hot!” – Take one drink.

Complains: “I’m too cold!” – Take one drink.

One child is too hot and the other is too cold – Take 2 drinks.

Wants to watch television with you – Take one drink.

The show you’re watching isn’t age appropriate – Take one drink.

The show you’re watching isn’t age appropriate and your child wakes you with nightmares that night – Take 2 drinks.

Mysterious owie appears. It hurts a lot. Needs kisses – Take one drink.

Mysterious owie must, must I say, have a bandage put on it – Take 2 drinks.

Child throws up – Take 2 drinks.

Gets up crying that favorite bedtime toy is missing – Take one drink.

Missing toy is at foot of the bed – Take one drink.

Missing toy is right by pillow, where it had been when you put child to bed – Take 2 drinks.

And of course, kids go to bed with no trouble at all… take a drink if you feel like it. You probably deserve it.

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post may be 'affiliate links.' This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.

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Disclosure: Home with the Kids is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. I also review or mention products for which I may receive compensation from other sources. All opinions are my own.