Where are they? Besides at home, that is.
This is a problem I’ve dealt with repeatedly, due to moving a few times. It’s not easy to find a group of friends when you’re new in the area. Everyone already has friends and a routine with them
I’ve dealt with lots of loneliness as a stay at home mom. It’s not fun being so isolated. Stay at home mom depression is a real thing. When you feel alone, taken for granted and tired, depression is all too common. Boredom is also a problem.
Meeting other stay at home moms can help. Having friends who are also stay at home moms gives you a social life with someone who knows more of what yo’re going through.
You can even give each other breaks from the kids by trading off if the kids are friends. Everyone wins when the kids get to play together and the moms either get a break or socializes with a friend.
Now, where, oh, where do you meet other stay at home moms?
Where, oh, where could they be?
Try The Park
I’ve run into a lot of my fellow SAHMs by taking my kids to the park. The trick is in figuring out what time they are going to be there.
I kept missing the other moms for a long time at the park. There were just never there when I was. But I always tended to go at lunchtime or later in the afternoon.
When my oldest first started kindergarten, I started going to the park with my son after dropping my daughter off at school. Voila! There they were, also having their younger children play after dropping older children off at the school next door.
Sign Up For Activities
Yes, this costs money. But I’ve gotten to talk to a lot of
When the kids are little, Mommy and Me classes can be a big help. They’re mostly during the day, so mostly stay at home moms, plus the kids will all be around the same age.
You can also do activities that you enjoy, such as a painting class, fitness class, book discussion group, or whatever you’re interested in. You won’t encounter as many stay at home moms at these classes, but you will meet people with common interests, and that’s pretty good.
Taking classes on your own also has the advantage of giving you a break from the kids. It’s good to get a break from mom duties regularly.
Join Online Groups
You won’t meet so many local moms as a rule, but there are plenty of forums and websites dedicated to stay at home moms. The Internet is full of resources and great people for you to meet. You can be very open about who you are or keep relatively anonymous.
There are lots of mom groups on Facebook too. While these are rarely local, some are. Even the worldwide groups, however, can help you find online friends. You can even find groups that focus on a particular interest of yours.
There are also websites that can help you to get matched up with local moms. Meetup has been around for years and has meetups for all kinds of interests, including for stay at home moms.
Look In Local Magazines
Local magazines can be great resources for family activities. There’s one in my area that has some good articles as well as listings of family activities. You may even find some mom groups advertising in these.
Go To the Library
Most libraries have story times for children. While there may be age limitations that keep your child out in some cases, you may be able to find a story time that you and your child will enjoy.
Your library may have other interesting events as well. Check their calendar to see if there’s anything interesting to you.
Take A Walk
Take a walk at various times of the day in your neighborhood. It can be hard to find other moms out for a walk with their kids, but it can be done. If you find a fellow stay at home mom, try walking together regularly. It can be a chance to get to know each other even before trying out a play date.
Send The Kids Out To Play
When the kids get old enough, having them play outside, especially in the front yard, can help you meet the other families in the neighborhood.
How old is old enough? That’s for you to decide.
The backyard can work if you know the neighbors have kids. My kids played with a neighbor child for months through the fence before they started getting together at one house or the other.
Don’t Be Perfect
It’s easy to talk about all the great things you’re trying to do for your family. But if all you ever talk about is how great a mom you are, you will have difficulty finding friends.
Talk about the mistakes you make too. Ask for advice for the problems you’re having. Talk about things other than being a mom.
You don’t have to impress the other moms. They make mistakes too. It’s much easier to be friends with someone who understands how imperfect we all are, and can laugh along with the problems.
On the flip side, don’t be too hard on other moms for the mistakes they make, or when they make choices you wouldn’t make. There are lots of ways to be a great parent. So long as no one is abusive, the kids will probably be fine.
Remember It Doesn’t Have To Center On The Kids
It’s easy to focus everything you do on your kids when you’re a stay at home mom, especially when the kids are young. But you’re an interesting person in your own right, and you should spend some time looking for friends on that basis.
It’s easier to be friends with other people who are parents, that’s true. They’re more likely to understand what your life is like and why you can’t just drop everything to go have fun much of the time.
It’s also easier to be friends with other stay at home moms because that’s something you have in common.
But you are so much more than that.
Who are you when you aren’t “Mom?”
Go. Find time to pursue some of your own interests, online or in person. You’ll probably find interesting people to talk to. You might even find friends.
Pursuing your own interests can also help you deal with the loss of identity some moms feel. You get to be you again. That means something. And it can help tremendously with that sense of isolation.
It’s Okay To Have Trouble Finding Friends
No matter how many ways you try to make mom friends, sometimes it’s really difficult.
Where I live, it often seems as though all the other moms have known each other forever. Many grew up here. It makes it really difficult to find friends.
Worse, three of the best friends I’ve found in town have moved away to where visiting regularly isn’t practical.
There will be times like that. You think you’re developing a connection with another mom, only to have something go wrong. Maybe you realize that you don’t have anything in common.
It can take years to find mom friends when you don’t have any. It’s not an easy thing for a lot of people.
That’s not a fault in you. It’s just the way things go. Building the connection that is friendship takes time.
Once You’ve Found Some SAHM Friends… Now What?
You’ve found some other stay at home moms to be friends with.
It’s time to make plans together.
Get The Kids Together
Getting the kids together is perhaps the easiest excuse to get together with
You can get together with just one other stay at home mom or form a
Another fun thing to do is get together for dinner or a barbecue. A game night also works if both families enjoy games. You can even send the kids out to play together while the adults play a game and chat.
Get Together Without The Kids
Even better than getting the kids together so you moms can chat is getting together without the kids. Get out there and do something as adults, with no children underfoot. It makes a great break.
When the kids are little, trading childcare makes a ton of sense if it works for both families. The kids get fun time together. The parents get time with the kids out of the house and with trusted adults.
The great part is that if things work out, you can go on dates with your spouse or do other things on your own without paying a fortune for a sitter.
Try To Have Fun
It can be stressful trying to meet other stay at home moms and make friends. It shouldn’t be, but it is.
The whole point, however, is to find people to have fun with, both for you and your kids. Hopefully, it becomes fun as you find them.
The great part is that many of these ways to meet other stay at home moms are free to do. Others may cost a small amount, but can be worth the expense if they’re fun for you and your child. As you get comfortable making the effort, you’ll realize how many potential friends you and your child have out there. And you won’t feel so isolated.
So, readers… how do you meet other stay at home moms, or make friends in general now that you have kids? Any tips?