Many stay at home moms feel isolated. They spend so much time with their kids that it’s easy to feel that way. And if you don’t already know some, it’s very hard to meet other stay at home moms.

Where are they? Besides at home, that is.

This is a problem I’ve dealt with repeatedly, due to moving a few times. It’s not easy to find a group of friends when you’re new in the area. Everyone already has friends and a routine with them

I’ve dealt with lots of loneliness as a stay at home mom. It’s not fun being so isolated. Stay at home mom depression is a real thing. When you feel alone, taken for granted and tired, depression is all too common. Boredom is also a problem.

Meeting other stay at home moms can help. Having friends who are also stay at home moms gives you a social life with someone who knows more of what yo’re going through.

You can even give each other breaks from the kids by trading off if the kids are friends. Everyone wins when the kids get to play together and the moms either get a break or socializes with a friend.

Now, where, oh, where do you meet other stay at home moms?

Where, oh, where could they be?

Try The Park

I’ve run into a lot of my fellow SAHMs by taking my kids to the park. The trick is in figuring out what time they are going to be there.

I kept missing the other moms for a long time at the park. There were just never there when I was. But I always tended to go at lunchtime or later in the afternoon.

When my oldest first started kindergarten, I started going to the park with my son after dropping my daughter off at school. Voila! There they were, also having their younger children play after dropping older children off at the school next door.

Sign Up For Activities

Yes, this costs money. But I’ve gotten to talk to a lot of other stay at home moms when I’ve been able to sign my kids up for activities. This especially works when the kids are younger and you have to stick around for the class. As a rule you’ll see other stay at home parents, the occasional part time employed parent, and grandparents having fun with their grandchildren.

When the kids are little, Mommy and Me classes can be a big help. They’re mostly during the day, so mostly stay at home moms, plus the kids will all be around the same age.

You can also do activities that you enjoy, such as a painting class, fitness class, book discussion group, or whatever you’re interested in. You won’t encounter as many stay at home moms at these classes, but you will meet people with common interests, and that’s pretty good.

Taking classes on your own also has the advantage of giving you a break from the kids. It’s good to get a break from mom duties regularly.

Join Online Groups

You won’t meet so many local moms as a rule, but there are plenty of forums and websites dedicated to stay at home moms. The Internet is full of resources and great people for you to meet. You can be very open about who you are or keep relatively anonymous.

There are lots of mom groups on Facebook too. While these are rarely local, some are. Even the worldwide groups, however, can help you find online friends. You can even find groups that focus on a particular interest of yours.

There are also websites that can help you to get matched up with local moms. Meetup has been around for years and has meetups for all kinds of interests, including for stay at home moms.

You can also consider apps such as Peanut, Hello Mamas, and MomLife.

Look In Local Magazines

Local magazines can be great resources for family activities. There’s one in my area that has some good articles as well as listings of family activities. You may even find some mom groups advertising in these.

Go To the Library

Most libraries have story times for children. While there may be age limitations that keep your child out in some cases, you may be able to find a story time that you and your child will enjoy.

Your library may have other interesting events as well. Check their calendar to see if there’s anything interesting to you.

Take A Walk

Take a walk at various times of the day in your neighborhood. It can be hard to find other moms out for a walk with their kids, but it can be done. If you find a fellow stay at home mom, try walking together regularly. It can be a chance to get to know each other even before trying out a play date.

Send The Kids Out To Play

When the kids get old enough, having them play outside, especially in the front yard, can help you meet the other families in the neighborhood.

How old is old enough? That’s for you to decide.

The backyard can work if you know the neighbors have kids. My kids played with a neighbor child for months through the fence before they started getting together at one house or the other.

Don’t Be Perfect

It’s easy to talk about all the great things you’re trying to do for your family. But if all you ever talk about is how great a mom you are, you will have difficulty finding friends.

Talk about the mistakes you make too. Ask for advice for the problems you’re having. Talk about things other than being a mom.

You don’t have to impress the other moms. They make mistakes too. It’s much easier to be friends with someone who understands how imperfect we all are, and can laugh along with the problems.

On the flip side, don’t be too hard on other moms for the mistakes they make, or when they make choices you wouldn’t make. There are lots of ways to be a great parent. So long as no one is abusive, the kids will probably be fine.

Remember It Doesn’t Have To Center On The Kids

It’s easy to focus everything you do on your kids when you’re a stay at home mom, especially when the kids are young. But you’re an interesting person in your own right, and you should spend some time looking for friends on that basis.

It’s easier to be friends with other people who are parents, that’s true. They’re more likely to understand what your life is like and why you can’t just drop everything to go have fun much of the time.

It’s also easier to be friends with other stay at home moms because that’s something you have in common.

But you are so much more than that.

Who are you when you aren’t “Mom?”

Go. Find time to pursue some of your own interests, online or in person. You’ll probably find interesting people to talk to. You might even find friends.

Pursuing your own interests can also help you deal with the loss of identity some moms feel. You get to be you again. That means something. And it can help tremendously with that sense of isolation.

It’s Okay To Have Trouble Finding Friends

No matter how many ways you try to make mom friends, sometimes it’s really difficult.

Where I live, it often seems as though all the other moms have known each other forever. Many grew up here. It makes it really difficult to find friends.

Worse, three of the best friends I’ve found in town have moved away to where visiting regularly isn’t practical.

There will be times like that. You think you’re developing a connection with another mom, only to have something go wrong. Maybe you realize that you don’t have anything in common.

It can take years to find mom friends when you don’t have any. It’s not an easy thing for a lot of people.

That’s not a fault in you. It’s just the way things go. Building the connection that is friendship takes time.

Once You’ve Found Some SAHM Friends… Now What?

You’ve found some other stay at home moms to be friends with. Now what are you going to do?

It’s time to make plans together.

Get The Kids Together

Getting the kids together is perhaps the easiest excuse to get together with other stay at home mom friends. The kids love it too.

You can get together with just one other stay at home mom or form a play group with many moms. Make sure you vary what you do together. You might get together at someone’s house one week, and at the park the next. You can even plan some bigger outings at age appropriate attractions for the kids.

Another fun thing to do is get together for dinner or a barbecue. A game night also works if both families enjoy games. You can even send the kids out to play together while the adults play a game and chat.

Get Together Without The Kids

Even better than getting the kids together so you moms can chat is getting together without the kids. Get out there and do something as adults, with no children underfoot. It makes a great break.

Trade Childcare

When the kids are little, trading childcare makes a ton of sense if it works for both families. The kids get fun time together. The parents get time with the kids out of the house and with trusted adults.

The great part is that if things work out, you can go on dates with your spouse or do other things on your own without paying a fortune for a sitter.

Try To Have Fun

It can be stressful trying to meet other stay at home moms and make friends. It shouldn’t be, but it is.

The whole point, however, is to find people to have fun with, both for you and your kids. Hopefully, it becomes fun as you find them.

The great part is that many of these ways to meet other stay at home moms are free to do. Others may cost a small amount, but can be worth the expense if they’re fun for you and your child. As you get comfortable making the effort, you’ll realize how many potential friends you and your child have out there. And you won’t feel so isolated.

So, readers… how do you meet other stay at home moms, or make friends in general now that you have kids? Any tips?

The post How To Meet Other Stay At Home Moms appeared first on Home with the Kids Blog.

Many families dream of having one parent stay at home to raise the kids. The idyllic picture of having mom (or dad) home, taking care of the kids, cooking great meals, keeping a beautiful home, all on a single income, is hard to resist.

It’s also incredibly difficult financially.

If you really want to do it, it can be done. Single parent families have to get by on a single income, although there may be child support coming in as well. If you really want to have a parent home with the kids, you have to make it happen.

With practice, the sacrifices you make may not seem so bad. You will take fewer vacations, and they’ll be simpler. You will eat out less often. Shopping will be more carefully planned, and you will buy fewer things. If you and your family can live with that, you will probably be able to cope.

That’s assuming, of course, that you can make the remaining income stretch to cover your necessities. You need to look at this to make an informed decision.

Consider What Living On A Single Income Will Look Like

The first thing you need to do is figure out how practical it will be to live on a single income. That means looking at the income you expect to have and deciding if it will be enough.

1. Collect 3 months’ worth of pay stubs from the person whose income your family will be relying on. Use this to calculate your average monthly income.

2. Collect 3 months’ worth of bills. Make sure you include everything: rent/mortgage payments, water bills, electrical bills, cable, internet service, phone plans, insurance, and groceries, for example. You should also include some savings in your planning to prepare for emergencies. In any case, you need an average of what you are paying out every month.

3. Subtract your average monthly expenses from the average monthly single income. Will it work?

If not, don’t despair. There are often areas you can cut. When you have two incomes it is easy to spend more than you absolutely have to. You may need to look harder for solutions.

Don’t assume you can make on on a single income if you see that you can just barely make it. That’s asking for trouble. All it takes is one crisis to completely mess you up when you live paycheck to paycheck. It’s not ideal to live on a single income if you’re scraping by.

Consider The Expenses That Will Decrease

It’s not just your income that decreases when you go to a single income. A few of your expenses will also decrease.

Your taxes go down when you live on a single income. No more need for daycare. The parent staying at home will probably eat out less, have less need for dry cleaning and so forth.

They may drive less as well, depending on how close work was and how often the kids need to be driven anywhere. This can mean less money spent on gas and less maintenance on that car. If enough things are within walking distance, you may even be able to consider becoming a one car family.

It can also help to consider which bills you would be willing to cut in order to live on a single income. You can start with monthly bills.

Do you really need cable television? What about having both cell phones and landline phones? Perhaps your family could get by with just one or the other.

Now look at the other things you spend money on monthly, but don’t come in the form of bills. Can you eat out less? Do you tend to buy more clothing or new electronic gadgets you don’t need? What bad shopping habits do you have? Can you give up Starbucks?

Consider The Expenses That Will Increase

Some bills will go up when you have mom or dad stay home with the kids.

Electricity is an obvious one. There will be people home all day, turning on lights, needing air conditioning or heat, and so forth.

Having one parent at home may also mean that the kids get signed up for more activities, as there’s someone there to take them to everything.

You probably won’t have a lot of expenses increase when you go to a single income. You’re trying to cut expenses, after all.

Figure Out The Expected Single Income Budget

Try to work out a budget that will work with the money you would have as a single income family. Then, before you are actually a single income family, try living on it. Put the extra into savings. It makes a nice cushion for if things don’t work out and for when those extra bills that you really can’t plan for hit.

Even if you decide that you’re better off not becoming a single income family, living as though you are one can be a good financial habit. It gives you a lot more leeway when things go wrong. You’ll have savings built up and more money than you need coming in. That’s a good thing.

Track all your spending. You can create your own spreadsheet if you like or use one of the many apps or software out there that will help you track your spending. The more you know about where your money is going every month, the better. Here are some apps to consider:

• Mint (iTunes, Google Play)
• YNAB (You Need A Budget) (iTunes, Google Play)
• Mvelopes (iTunes, Google Play)
• Quicken (iTunes, Google Play)
• Pocket Guard (iTunes, Google Play)

How well is it working?

If your expected single income budget doesn’t work out, figure out what went wrong. Can it be fixed on that income or do you simply need a larger income?

Sometimes you can fix the problems. You can go as far as finding a cheaper place to live or as simple as figuring out what else can reasonably be cut.

Other times you may realize that living on a single income won’t work for your family. You don’t want to ruin your finances just to have one parent stay home with the kids. That’s not smart, and it won’t benefit your kids.

It takes time to learn to live on a single income. It is very possible for many families. You will need to plan, both in terms of finances and in terms of what is expected from each person, but it is highly doable. And having the ability to have one parent there for the kids can be amazing.

Learn To Find Bargains

You might be surprised at the bargains you can find if you’re looking for them. I don’t just mean clipping coupons, although that doesn’t hurt. There’s a lot more you can do.

My favorite bargain source is a store called 99 Only. They’re in just a few states, but they’re a huge help when you’re on a tight budget. Fortune just listed them as a company that is helping to change the world, because they provide cheaper access to locally grown produce, often in areas that are considered food deserts. If you don’t need your produce to look quite perfect and you have a 99 Only near you, go there. I get almost all of my produce there.

Other dollar stores can have good deals as well, but most don’t have the produce selection I see at 99 Only. It’s the produce that keeps me coming back, even as I find other deals there.

Aldi is another good choice for finding grocery bargains.

If you can afford the membership and buying in bulk (challenging to impossible on some budgets), Costco is great too. The hot dogs and pizza also make for great cheap meals out when you need a treat for the kids.

I’ve shared a lot of other strategies to save money on groceries in other posts.

Saving money on children’s clothing helps a lot too. My favorite was handmedowns from family because for a long time we had clothes working their way through up to five kids. Not every piece lasted the whole time, but the chain we had going saved us a lot of money.

Be Ready For Sacrifices

Single income families usually sacrifice a lot of things to make it happen. You can still find a lot of ways to have fun as a family, but there are things you won’t be able to do.

If you like getting the latest and greatest technology, for example, you will probably have to stop that. Your current phone will need to last a lot longer.

So will your cars.

Most single income families don’t eat out a lot either. That can save a lot of money, depending on how often you eat out now. Just think how much you spend every time you take the family out to a meal. Unless you’re getting something super cheap, such as a $5 pizza, you’re probably spending quite a bit more than you would if you ate at home.

Holidays often get simplified as well. Most single income families keep holidays such as Christmas a lot simpler. That’s not a bad thing, really. Even with simplified Christmases, my kids often don’t use everything they’re given.

You may also want to cut down on your monthly bills. Many families have found that they can cut out cable television and use a few streaming subscriptions for far less.

I am also very fond of my cell phone service through Ting. I pay far less for my family’s cell phones than anyone else I know. We aren’t heavy users, but even when we use our phones more than normal, it has been a bargain.

Learn To Do It Yourself

Learning how to do basic home repairs yourself can help you save a lot of money. It’s amazing how easy some repairs are.

When we bought our house, for example, I painted the kids’ rooms myself. That includes putting stripes on my son’s wall because that was what he wanted.

I can also do basic plumbing. Clearing out basic clogs in a sink without dangerous chemicals is often not difficult. Messy, but not difficult.

You can also do your own yard work rather than pay a service. As the kids get older, they can help. I’ve discovered a fondness for irises and gladiolus in caring for my yard, as well as an enthusiasm for planting anything that attracts and feeds butterflies.

There will be a number of things that you should still hire a professional to handle for you, depending on your skills, experience and comfort level. If you’re willing to try a particular repair, however, there’s often a YouTube video showing you how.

Consider The Alternatives If Things Aren’t Working Out

Sometimes, no matter how carefully you plan, going to a single income as a family just doesn’t work out.

You get hit with an unexpected bill, such as repairs on the car or medical bills.

The spouse who is working loses their job.

Death, divorce, and disability are real possibilities too. You can’t assume that your life will run exactly as you planned it. Shit happens, to put not too fine a point on it.

This is exactly why I work at home. My husband and I wanted one of us at home, and I had the best skills to earn a living at home, first as a medical transcriptionist, then running this site. We didn’t want to take the risks of living on a single income when we had a viable alternative.

This has worked out well. There have been times when my income was the only reason we didn’t go completely broke. Sometimes I earn more than my husband, sometimes less. But my income is a vital part of our family’s income, yet I’m still able to be there for the kids when they need me.

Working parents can do that too, but it’s much harder to manage when they need you in the middle of the workday.

There are lots of ways to work at home. Some options are more flexible than others. Some will require that you put your kids in daycare while you work because you can’t have the distractions. Others will let you have the kids directly underfoot.

It’s up to you to pick what will work best.

I strongly recommend any stay at home mom or dad have some sort of income coming in. It makes a difference when you have a financial crisis. It makes a difference when the time comes to return to working outside the home, should you choose to do that. And it helps when you reach retirement age.

Of course, if your family is running into financial problems, don’t limit yourself to considering only work at home options. Sometimes returning to work outside the home will be the smart choice. Don’t refuse to consider that just because you’d rather be home with your kids. The well-being of your family comes first, and sometimes that means both parents have to work outside the home.

You can do that and still be amazing parents.

The post Can Your Family Live On A Single Income? appeared first on Home with the Kids Blog.

One of the hard parts about being a stay at home mom is that you aren’t making money on your own. You rely on what your husband brings home. Sure, you say the money belongs to both of you, but there’s often that feeling on both sides that it isn’t quite true.

How do you cope?

1. Talk over your feelings.

Communication is important in any marriage. If you’re feeling as though you’re less important because the things you do raising your family at home doesn’t bring in money it can build resentment.

It can be a help to realize that you do make a financial contribution. You’re saving money on child care by being home with your kids. You’re probably shopping for bargains more. You’re probably cooking more meals at home and thereby saving on your family’s food bill.

It’s important that the partnership that is a good marriage recognizes both earning money and helping to keep the family’s spending under control are both important contributions. It can be hard to do that if your husband acts in any way as though you’re using “his” money, and if that’s the case his feelings need to be discussed also.

2. Decide if you want to earn money from home.

Some stay at home moms decide that they need a work at home job or home business so that they can bring in more money for their family. Sometimes it’s also necessary to the family’s overall budget.

Stay at home moms today are lucky in that they have so many ways to earn money from home, some of which are extremely flexible. It’s not just the traditional jobs such as running a daycare or joining a direct sales opportunity. There are customer service work at home jobs, online home businesses and much more.

There are a lot of risks to getting started working from home, and generally laws to be aware of. Make sure you learn about the common scams and don’t fall for hype when you’re picking an opportunity. Too good to be true usually is.

3. Be yourself and enjoy what you have.

Just because you’re suddenly such-and-so’s mom and you’re home all day doesn’t mean you lose your identity. Make time to be yourself.

Keep up your hobbies. You might even be able to get one or more of your kids interested in it. But don’t drop the hobby just because you don’t think you have the time or shouldn’t spend the money. Unless it’s really expensive or your budget is that tight you can probably find a way to enjoy your hobby while being with your kids.

Also read the kinds of books you enjoy. The Cat in the Hat is a great book, but reading any children’s book over and over will get to you eventually. Read something you enjoy. Let your kids see it. It’s a part of encouraging them to love reading too.

And remember that even when staying at home with the kids makes for a tight budget you’re lucky to have what you do. Many parents would love to do what you’re doing but just can’t afford to. It’s one of those jobs that even on a bad day, it’s pretty good when you think about it.

Finally, remember that being married, especially with children, does a lot to your finances no matter whether you work outside the home or stay at home. You most likely won’t have the freedom you once did no matter what you do. The needs of your family come first in most cases.

The post Keeping Your Financial Independence as a Stay at Home Mom appeared first on Home with the Kids Blog.

Whether you’ve been a stay at home mom for a while or are just starting out, this is one of those questions that can really hit you hard. Going down to a single income as a family is quite a tough choice in most cases. And in the current uncertain economy it can be even easier to feel guilty about not contributing to the family’s finances.

Directly, that is. As in earning money.

Indirectly, there’s plenty a stay at home mom can do. She is often the one to handle all the shopping and keeping track of all the bills. If you don’t think that has an impact on the family finances, think again.

Your first consideration is always how the family will manage to get by with one income rather than two. Sometimes the answer is quite surprising. Depending on what you earn, by the time taxes and the costs of wardrobe, eating out, childcare and so forth come out, you aren’t bringing that much home. Sometimes it can easily be made up for; other times it will take more planning.

If having one parent stay at home is going to be a huge sacrifice for your family, take a look at what can be cut. Don’t start with the grocery bill. Just because you have to buy food every week doesn’t mean it’s the most important bill.

Instead, start with your regular bills and figure out what can be cut. Cutting your cable plan down to basic can save you a nice chunk of money every month, and you probably won’t even miss most of the channels you drop. Decide if you really need both a landline telephone and a cell phone. Then decide if one or the other should be dropped.

Cutting those monthly expenses makes a lot of sense. It’s savings you won’t have to think about every time you go shopping.

But the biggest savings of all can be in paying down credit card debt.

Credit card debt, as a rule, is expensive. Much worse than paying for a mortgage. If you can get it paid down, your budget will have far more leeway, and that’s vital if you have only one income coming in.

You should also take some time to think about the things you spend money on, but really shouldn’t. A lot of people, for example, get new cell phones regularly, even though the old one is perfectly good. Same goes for televisions when they decide it’s time for a big screen unit. The list goes on and the numbers add up.

Get those other expenses in control as well as thinking about how you spend money at the grocery store. The broader your efforts the more you will save.

But What If You Want to Earn Money?

Of course, there’s nothing saying you absolutely cannot earn money as a stay at home mom. Many do, and despite how it can seem at times, not all work at home opportunities are scams. It’s just that there are so many scams out there it’s easy to get caught by one.

The trick to working at home is balancing that with the reasons you choose to be a stay at home mom in the first place. That is, as a rule, the kids.

I won’t lie to you. Working at home is tough, and sometimes it does limit what you can do. But what you don’t want is something that takes you from them every bit as much as working outside the home does. Kind of takes away the point of being a stay at home mom, after all.

Look for flexibility, and look for something you can love doing. Those two elements are key.

There are many factors to consider when looking at work at home opportunities. Job or business. How much do you want to be dealing with other people? Face to face, over the phone or over the internet?

Handling the “What Ifs”

There are a lot of what ifs that you should face if you want to be a stay at home mom. The biggest one is “What if the situation changes?”

“What if your husband loses his job?”

“What if the two of you separate or divorce?”

“What if a medical issue comes up?”

You do need to have a backup plan in case anything happens. Obviously you hope that none do, but life happens. Better to plan ahead than to be caught unawares.

This means keeping up your own job skills, whether or not you work at home. Having savings. Talking about how potential problems will be handled. Not panicking if something does happen.

You may never need your backup plans. But if you do, you will be very grateful to have some idea what to do to keep your family going. The middle of a crisis is a rotten time to have to figure all this out.

Being a stay at home mom has its own challenges. Just due to personality differences it’s not for everyone. But many learn to love it, and soon have trouble imagining doing anything else.

The post Can I Really Afford to be a Stay at Home Mom? appeared first on Home with the Kids Blog.

One of the hardest things about working at home is the tendency for it to take over a great deal of your day. This can be true of work at home jobs, but it is far more likely to be true when you run a home business. After all, you don’t want to just drop things when business picks up.

But this is hard when you’re trying to be there for your family. Working more hours means less time with your children. What can you do?

One of the things that can really help is knowing when you need to hire someone to help you with your business. Think about getting a virtual assistant for those routine matters that don’t need your personal attention, for example.

Consider the other things that it may be more profitable for you to pay someone else to handle. Website design, article writing, product creation – all kinds of things can be outsourced, often to your fellow work at home parents.

As your children get big enough, they can be of assistance too. If you mail things out to customers, children can help with that. If you put up flyers, the kids can help there too. If your kids are old enough, you can start teaching them about marketing online, and get them to help you out there as well.

But if hiring the help you need just isn’t doing enough or isn’t in the budget yet, make sure you’re being practical. It may be time to consider using a bit of day care for the kids if that will help you to work more efficiently. That one can sting, since most work at home parents are doing it to have more time with their children, but it can be necessary. Fortunately, it can also help with productivity so that you don’t have to work so many hours because you are interrupted less.

If you run a service, consider raising your prices. This may not actually decrease the amount of business you get, but if you’re in more demand than you can handle, you can probably safely raise your prices at least a little.

Rethink your work schedule. If you work best in the morning, try getting up earlier. Similarly, stay up later if you work best at night. But try hard to avoid adding to the hours you work when your family is awake and needing you. Those are generally your least productive hours just because of the interruptions.

You should also talk with your family about the issues keeping you busy, especially when things are busier than usual. It’s hard for children to understand why you are so busy sometimes and why you can’t go do the things they would like you to do. Spouses can also get frustrated. Keep those lines of communication open so that you can decrease resentment.

Working at home is a wonderful advantage to your family in many ways, but it can have it’s disadvantages. Don’t let those make you miss out on what really matters to you.

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