I’ve written often enough about how much support an at home parent needs, whether you have a work at home job or not. It’s vital. Today I’d like you to think about how much support your spouse needs. Working outside the home isn’t all easy either.

Some of the issues depend on if you have a home based job or business yourself or if your focus is solely on caring for your family and home. Having your own income means there is less stress on your spouse to be the sole breadwinner. Being the only source of income, or even just the main one, can be hugely stressful. Think about how your family would cope if that income and any benefits were lost. That’s something many families have to consider when one parent stays home.

My family has been there. My business hasn’t always earned enough to pay our rent and other expenses on its own, and of course it doesn’t provide benefits such as health insurance. When my husband was laid off a few years ago, it was tough. We scraped by, but only with the help of credit cards, some of which aren’t yet paid off. Getting closer all the time now, though. It was not a good situation, and I know my husband often felt guilty for not supporting his family well enough. All I could do was support him in his job search and do my best to bring in more money myself. He has a much better job these days, although it gets stressful too.

Recognize His/Her Stress

Be willing to talk about the problems your spouse has at work. My husband and I often talk about how each of our days went. His work can be stressful at times. Recently, for example, he was faced with the possibility of having to take a training session in another office, far enough that he’d have to leave at least an hour early to take a train there, but no so far that his employer would provide a hotel room. I told him that if it would make things less stressful, he could call his friend who lives in the area, and stay out there. Fortunately, his training was switched back to his office, so the problem went away, but he much appreciated that I wanted him to minimize the stress of it, and even have some fun with a friend he rarely sees.

Support His/Her Ambitions

One of things I love about working from home is that I earn money how I choose. I have a lot more freedom in that way than my husband does. That’s why I’ve always told him that if he ever wants to pursue his dream career, I’ll do what I can to help him get there. After all, his work has given me this opportunity.

I know that being at home isn’t the dream for every at home mom or dad. It’s tough, and some days you may wish you could get away for a little. Even working at home isn’t always the best. But that’s no reason to ignore what your spouse wants in a career.

There will be times when you can work only toward one person’s ambitions. When you have a family, having enough money to get by has to be the first priority. But there’s often a way to take steps toward a better lifestyle for at least one of you, and sometimes both. It takes time and mutual support.

Make Sure You Both Get a Break

You may often want a break from the kids when your spouse comes home. It’s tiring being the one they always ask to do everything. Just remember that your spouse wants a break after work too.

Don’t demand help when your spouse gets home every day. If on a particular day you need a break right away, that’s fine, that’s life, but don’t ignore the fact that your spouse is probably tired too.

I believe that both responsibilities and opportunities to relax should be shared when you’re both at home. You’ll probably find that some responsibilities go better for one person than another. My husband, for example, prefers yard work to housework, and so he does more outside and less inside (although certain jobs are taken by the kids as they learn how).

Most work around the house I’m not too picky about when they get done, so my husband can take a solid break first if he wants. Most days there’s enough time for that. If it’s all that urgent, odds are I’ve already done it anyhow, having the most time and opportunity to handle such things.

Talk

Sometimes, just talking is enough. Talk about work, your day, current events, total nonsense, whatever. Just make time to talk to each other.

Looking for a work at home job is frustrating. You get past all the scams, find great looking jobs to apply for, and still no one will hire you. You might not even be getting to the first interview. What’s going on? Why is it so hard to get hired for a work at home job?

Hah. Wouldn’t you like to know?

No, seriously, wouldn’t you like to know?

I can’t really say just offhand why a particular person doesn’t get a particular work at home job, or any job for that matter. I’m not involved in processing resumes or making interview or hiring decisions. There are, however, some common reasons that making getting the job harder that you can consider, and see if they apply to you and your job search habits.

1. Applying for every job under the sun.

Otherwise known as throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. It’s not really effective, really messy, and turns potential employers off. They can’t tell that you’re applying for every job everywhere, but what they can tell is that you aren’t paying enough attention to the specific requirements their job has. They get all too many applications from people who have no relevant experience and give no indication of having read the job listing beyond the phrase “work at home.”

Be picky about which jobs you apply for, and make it show in your resume. List the skills you have that they ask for in the ad. Especially use the same keywords if you can. You don’t want to copy their ad into your resume, but when you match the skill, use the right phrasing so you get through any automated sorting of applications.

Do not claim skills or experience you don’t have. It does you no good to claim a skill that way and then be unable to do that job or even talk up the skill correctly in the interview.

2. Poorly written resume.

Does your resume look professional? Does it reflect the skills and experience requested in the job posting? Does it have typos? Other mistakes?

If you aren’t getting anywhere in your job search, you may want to consider having a professional resume writer take a look at it. Yes, this costs money. Yes, you will still have to adapt it for each job you apply for. Yes, you may have to break it up into segments to cut and paste into online job applications with companies that don’t want the full resume.

A well written resume will make all of that easier. If you don’t want to pay someone else to do it, at least get a current book on resume writing and review your resume carefully. Styles have changed somewhat through the years, as most resumes are no longer submitted on paper. Make sure your resume works with current expectations. Remember, the company wants you to benefit them. Focus on their needs in your resume. If you were an excellent employee for someone else, share the specific achievements that might benefit a new employer.

3. You aren’t checking your spam folder.

The trouble with email is that it doesn’t always go where it should. If you have any sort of spam filtering on your email service, you might be missing emails from potential employers. If you don’t catch these, you could be missing out on opportunities.

I absolutely do not mean unsolicited emails from people claiming to offer work at home jobs. This is a common form of scam. What you want to be on the lookout for is email from companies you have applied to. Sometimes these hit the spam box too, and if you aren’t checking, you’ll never know they wanted to hear from you.

4. You only apply to the big companies.

It’s very comfortable applying to the big companies that offer work at home jobs. They have solid reputations as employers. The problem is that everyone else does the same thing. They may get hundreds or even thousands of applications for a single opening. The odds that they’ll notice you aren’t that good.

So long as you’re careful, you can and should apply to smaller companies too. There are lots of smaller companies that use home based workers. They’re harder to find, but that means less competition when you do find them. Check sites like Craigslist carefully, as the jobs aren’t screened, but legit work at home jobs hide among the scams.

5. You aren’t changing things that aren’t working for you.

Sure, it’s easy to say that it’s hard to land a work at home job. It’s even true.

But if your job hunt is getting you any results, change the one thing you have control over: what you’re doing. Change your resume. Rethink the jobs you’re applying for. Take some time and just figure out why things aren’t working out.

6. You aren’t prepared for interviews.

If you’re getting as far as the interview but not getting the job, something’s right with your resume, but wrong with your interviewing skills.

Read up on how to interview for a job successfully. Have questions ready, not just about things like salary and benefits, but about the company and the job. Remember, employers want to know how you can benefit them. They don’t want you to focus on how they can benefit you when they haven’t even offered you the job yet.

7. You don’t follow up when it’s appropriate.

This one isn’t relevant to all employers. Some very specifically request that you not follow up on applications or interviews. If that’s the case, follow their instructions.

Other companies however, welcome inquiries as to how your job application is going. They’re fine with you calling up and asking about your application. It may even show them that you’re strongly interested in the position.

A thank you note may also be appropriate after an interview. It’s not always necessary, especially if the company prefers that you not contact them until they say you have the job, but it can be useful at other times.

Today I’d like to share this infographic I made about spotting common work at home scams. They aren’t all in there, of course; that would be too much, and close to impossible. New scams come around too often, although they’re usually related to old ones.

If you’re interested in more information, check my work at home scams section, http://www.usa.gov/topics/education-training/finding-jobs/work-at-home.shtml and http://www.ratracerebellion.com/.

If you’d like to share this infographic on your site, here’s the code to use. Please include the link back to this site.

<a href=”http://www.homewiththekids.com/blog/2013/05/how-to-spot-a-work-at-home-scam/”><img alt=”How to Spot a Work at Home Scam” src=”http://www.homewiththekids.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/spot-work-at-home-scam.png” width=”600″ height=”3000″ /></a>

For a lot of people, sadly, working at home just doesn’t work out. Whether they’re trying a job or a business, things just don’t go right for them. But for some of us, it happens. Success. At least by our own terms. How will you know when you’re a work at home success.

Mostly, that’s up to you. It could be when you get a work at home job and keep it past probation. It could be when your family accepts that this thing could actually work out; that it’s not a scam. It might be at a certain income level or when you regularly work a certain number of hours per week.

This is a very personal thing. Some people keep trying for years and years, making money every here and there, but never quite making it work. Others consider it a success that they keep trying. Your perspective matters.

Failure happens to all of us. If you look at what happens as you fail, however, you might see signs of success.

It may be in the lessons you learn. You might find out that you need to work a little harder in some area. It might be in finding a better way to work.

I’m what I would consider to be successful in my business. I don’t disclose my personal income, but I will say that I outearned my husband’s full time income rather handily last year. We’re both proud of that accomplishment.

I don’t, however, earn the megabucks that some people like to trumpet can be made online. I don’t have a six figure income from my business. For me, however, reaching an income that is at least a decent full time income is success.

I think the only real failure is in giving up. That’s not a bad thing, necessarily, especially if you have to give up because you need to earn money for your family some other way. Just because you fail in one thing doesn’t mean you didn’t succeed elsewhere. Successfully taking care of your family trumps successfully working from home anytime.

How Do You Succeed?

If you want to be a success working from home, expect to work. Hard. Whatever else you do to work from home, hard work will be a part of it.

That’s the only thing that can really be said for certain about success. Even finding a job in your preferred field, even one you know well, won’t guarantee a shot at success. Hard work won’t either, but it really improves the odds.

Don’t set your expectations too high for success. It’s better to have goals you can reach step by step than to aim straight at your wildest dreams. If I only considered success to be a six or seven figure income, I’d make myself miserable. With multiple goals to reach for, I can enjoy successes of various sorts and know that I’m making good progress.

Forget the gimmicks and short cuts. Most don’t work, or if they do work, it’s only for a short time, and then all the work you put into them vanishes. A long term focus is more useful for long term success. We would all love to earn huge incomes with minimal effort, but it’s just not that likely. The dream sellers are far more interested in your money than in your success, as a general rule.

Working at home doesn’t often fit into the relaxed image many people have of it. Not every parent can work and care for the kids at the same time, not all work hours are flexible from home, and sometimes the kids have to wait while you get something done. It’s not always what you thought you were signing up for, but it’s often the reality. It can make you feel like a bad parent or that you should be able to balance it all better.

This is a big part of the work-life balance work at home parents need to find. It’s not always a simple thing to do.

Stop the Guilt

First and foremost, don’t feel guilty for working at home. Whether you’re doing it because your family needs the money or because you’d like something more than parenting in your day doesn’t matter. Being at home doesn’t mean your one and only focus should be on the kids. You should be doing things for you too.

Just think about it. If you worked outside the home, you’d see even less of your kids, most likely. Your kids probably don’t get all your attention while you do laundry or make dinner, yet those don’t make you feel guilty, do they? Nothing wrong with giving your work the attention it needs too.

What Do Your Kids Need From You?

Take a good look at what your kids really need from you. Most won’t need your attention 24/7 all the time. Even babies will usually let you get a break sometimes. I’ve worked at home with a baby on my lap as I type. I’ve worked while breastfeeding. And I’ve worked really, really hard when the baby napped.

It can be harder to work at home with a toddler than an infant, but still, consider what your child needs from you. Toddlers are capable of some independent play. Encourage this.

What most kids don’t need is a parent right there in everything they do all day. Independence is a wonderful skill to encourage in children. This should increase as they get older. Take the time to play and enjoy your kids, absolutely. Just remember that they need time to be themselves, on their own or with other kids, and this is a wonderful thing for you when you need to work.

What Does Your Work Need From You?

Especially if your family depends on your income, you have to consider what your work needs from you and find a way to give it. Jobs and businesses can be much less forgiving at times than children. It’s very common for work at home parents to have times that they must work rather than have fun with the family. Not so different from an outside the home job in that respect.

As a matter of fact, you should treat your home based work as seriously as you would work outside the home. It’s the best way to succeed at it. Give yourself a schedule, work hard, be professional, and teach your family to respect the work you do.

Do what you can to schedule your work around your family, but understand that sometimes your family will have to schedule around your work. Sometimes that’s just the way it goes.

What Do You Need From You?

Your life shouldn’t just be work and kids, work and kids. Make some time for you in all of this. It doesn’t have to be much; just give yourself some time. The world doesn’t revolve around your kids, does it? You can be a great parent and a great you.

Find Your Balance

Between all these needs there is a point that works best for your and your family. It’s not going to be the same for everyone. I find the best balance in working some during the day, but mostly in the evenings after the kids are in bed, and one day each weekend, with the other day reserved for family time. Others will hate that schedule. Some jobs and businesses won’t work at all with that schedule. You have to make it all work out.

If things aren’t coming together well, consider your alternatives. Is there someone who can care for the kids so that you can work more during the day, for example? Despite the ideals many of us start with, using child care of one sort or another is quite common for work at home parents. Don’t feel bad if that’s what it takes; just make sure the expense is worth it.

You can also consider whether your schedule can be changed. That won’t be possible in all situations, but it might be in yours. It may take a few tries to get it right.

Plan Family Time

Include time for family in your schedule. You don’t have to plan everything you do, and if your work schedule permits, you can have spontaneous family time too, but do schedule in some time for your family to do something. Sometimes it might annoy your kids and be a bunch of cleaning around the house together, but other times can be fun. Plan for the big fun stuff, and let the little fun stuff happen.

That’s why I set aside one day a week where I don’t work on my business. I rarely know in advance what we’re going to do with that day, but it’s there, available for whatever. Sometimes we plan a hike or other outing, other times we all just stay home and do nothing in particular, and still other times we do a lot of cleaning and organizing, and everything in between. The point is to have a day that we are together.

It doesn’t take a constant focus on your kids to be a great parent. I think it takes balance, so the needs of your children are met, and you still get the things done you need to do. There’s really no harm in telling your kids that you can’t play at that moment, so long as you can play sometimes, and their overall needs are taken care of. The balance you make in your life will help teach them to have balance in theirs.