Can Higher Expectations = More Responsible Behavior?

As a parent, it can be very challenging to get the kids to do what you want them to do. It’s very easy to just start telling them over and over what you expect them to do, until they finally, slowly do it.

But sometimes telling them over and over is not the way to handle it.

We’ve been dealing with this with my 5 year old. She’s quite the feisty young lady at times, and often getting her ready for school in the morning is a stream of reminders to not dawdle, to keep eating her breakfast, not play with her toothbrush, etc.

This week we started something different. We told her that there would be no reminders. She would get up and get ready on her own. If she didn’t, we would do the minimum to make her presentable for school, and take her there.

She’s doing very well on her own now, and is speeding up in other areas that she tended to go slowly on.

Of course, it’s only been a few days, so this may not last, but I’ve generally found the more we expect of our kids, the better they perform, within reason for their ages. Nagging or doing the work for them just makes them slow down more.

This can feel very contrary to what you might expect to work. When you have a child who doesn’t work hard on something it’s easy to feel like you have to keep pushing to get things done. But sometimes that is counterproductive.

We had a discussion with our daughter before doing this, and she liked the idea. Nagging often does little more than frustrate everyone. It creates stress, and many kids react to that by slowing down still more.

But we expressed this new rule as confidence in her ability to handle things on her own, rather than as a consequence. It has consequences for not getting ready fast enough, but she feels more like we believe in her than when we keep reminding her to get moving. It’s a much more positive experience for everyone.