What’s Your Parenting Style?
You hear about the different parenting styles, such as permissive, authoritarian, authoritative and uninvolved. You may have one you identify with most, but probably don’t stick with one style entirely.
While there are certainly legitimate personal preferences, there are some parenting techniques that work well and others that don’t.
An overly permissive style, for example, doesn’t give your children enough rules in their life. You’ll always hear people saying that children crave rules, and there is a truth to that.
Worse is the uninvolved style, where there is little direction in the child’s life. Parents really need to be involved with their children, helping them to learn and develop socially.
At the other end of things, excessive control of your children doesn’t teach them how to live their own lives when they get older. A child needs a degree of freedom to express his or her own thoughts and feelings and have their wants taken into consideration. That doesn’t mean giving in, but it can mean explaining why the child cannot have something.
Studies have shown that authoritative parenting styles tend to have the best outcome. This style of parenting means that you are demanding with your children, yet also responsive. You encourage your children to assert themselves while remaining cooperative and socially responsible.
It can be interesting dealing with parents of different types. My mother-in-law sometimes acts as though I’m nuts to let my daughter decide what to wear each day. Yes, I do let my daughter decide to wear cool clothes on cold days or overdress on warm ones. She’s learning consequences, and is warned of them as she makes the decision. Since the consequence is relatively harmless, I allow her to deal with it.
In other ways I can be reasonably strict. The kids have limits on the television they watch, the foods they eat, how they treat each other and other people. They have appropriate responsibilities for their ages. They don’t make all the decisions, and I have no plans to be their friend as they’re growing up. I’m their mother. When they’re adults maybe we’ll be friends. Right now I think it is more important that they be able to come to me as their mother with their problems than it is for me to be a buddy.
Most parents won’t fit exactly into one parenting style. You’ll probably find that you fit into different ones at different times, but you tend toward one or another. Knowing about the different kinds can help you to think more about how you parent and if it’s taking your children the way you want them to go.
